How do people afford kids?

[crumbsnamechange]

I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

Work out your maternity shortfall and save up first. We saved to cover my share of bills and economised, bought second hand, budgeted etc. You can opt to save more so you ko more of your lifestyle but babies tend to cramp your style so you'll need less.

@GinPin2

Daughter and Son in Law, both working, on about £30 total. Have 22 month old.

Expecting 2nd baby soon.

All baby equipment donated by his brothers and her sisters who all have 1 girl, 1 boy each.
Have been collecting nappies free off marketplace.
Clothes have been passed to the toddler and her sibling from her cousins and friends, as have toys. Or new as presents. Also lots of knitting and sewing has been done for the babies.
Not entitled to help from foodbanks but local churches have got together to provide a 'cheap shop' with free bread, fruit and veg left over from supermarkets available to anyone on limited disposable income, but not means tested like foodbanks.
Also use OLIO, open to anyone as its purpose is to stop food waste. Pick blackberries etc. Make jams & other preserves.
Lucky enough to live near the beach so seaside days. Camping holidays etc.
We as grandparents provide all the childcare.
Have their own home.
Both have to wear uniforn at work and they live in the country so do not feel the need to spend much on clothes.
Don't go out much but they consider themselves very lucky !
If you REALLY want a baby, you will be prepared to make compromises and sacrificies.

Funniest post I’ve seen all week. Of course they consider themselves lucky. They’re only managing to raise a child thanks to the enormous generosity of others, and continuing to have a second anyway. Don’t kid yourself that your last sentence applies to people who actually have to fund the child themselves.

We stayed in a cheaper house with a cheap run around car, 3 night caravan holidays in the UK.
A decision made before we had children to make it possible for me to give up work and stay at home with them.
So many around us moved in to expensive houses, mortgages at the high end of what they could afford, had a car each and foreign holidays and weren't prepared to give them up so went out to work, spent a fortune on nurseries and continued their old life with a baby in tow.
Priorities. My babies were mine, not my house or my car or my career.

@Angrywife

We stayed in a cheaper house with a cheap run around car, 3 night caravan holidays in the UK. A decision made before we had children to make it possible for me to give up work and stay at home with them. So many around us moved in to expensive houses, mortgages at the high end of what they could afford, had a car each and foreign holidays and weren't prepared to give them up so went out to work, spent a fortune on nurseries and continued their old life with a baby in tow. Priorities. My babies were mine, not my house or my car or my career.

Nasty judgmental comment. Their babies were their priority too and they were doing everything they could to give them the kind of life they wanted for their children. A nice place to live in a good area, travel experiences. Your babies weren’t any more your priority than theirs were theirs just because you chose a different life.

As a SAHP I hate parents like you spouting this crap. People with careers and nice homes aren’t screaming that those things are more important to them than their kids. They’re working and providing a nice place to live FOR their kids 🙄

@Angrywife I can see where your user name comes from, with that and your ignorant vitriol towards others I think it's safe to say you are not very satisfied with the decisions you have made, happy people don't point fingers like that, but at least that negativity is around your kids all the time, lucky them!

It depends how old you are really as need to be seriously thinking about having a family by mid thirties. That has usually given you 10-12 ish years of working etc behind you. Get on the housing ladder as soon as possible and remember that there is more to life than a career. Anything could happen tomorrow, live in the present and know that plenty can be achieved and a happier life is possible on much lower incomes.

We as grandparents provide all the childcare.
If you REALLY want a baby, you will be prepared to make compromises and sacrificies.

So YOU save them the best part of £1-£2k per month on childcare

They haven't compromised at all or sacrificed anything. YOU have

@crumbsnamechange

Our high rent really is the problem, added to that DP's current low income. I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place though. If we move to a cheaper area (further away from London) then we will have high commuting costs, be more tired (from baby and long travel times), and will still have nursery fees to consider as well as living in an area that is not nearly so fun. I honestly don't see how it's doable. The nursery fees are horrifying me!

Your posts are hilarious - how about YOU get the promotion and yeah living somewhere "fun" goes to the bottom of the priority list If you want to afford children 🤦‍♀️

@twinningatlife

*We as grandparents provide all the childcare. If you REALLY want a baby, you will be prepared to make compromises and sacrificies.*

So YOU save them the best part of £1-£2k per month on childcare

They haven't compromised at all or sacrificed anything. YOU have

That was the most tone deaf comment in the entire thread.

Lower your pensions for 18 months, put that aside.

Does your company offer enhanced maternity? My company is 6 months full pay, then the rest stat. If you have similar you could take 6 months and then what is saved from not putting in pensions could cover dh paternal leave for 6 months as you would have saved for 18 months, 9 months of.pregnancy and 6 months full pay maternity. Hopefully by then dh has increased his earnings also which will also be needed for childcare anyway.

For us I had vol redundancy which was a years salary with no tax, so I did get a other year off, so when I went to a new job ds was able to go to a pre school at just over 2yo, that was £29 pet day 8-6 so more affordable and childcare vouchers meant we saved some tax. It was slightly cheaper after he was 3. I live in the northwest though so probably cheaper childcare.

@twinningatlife

*We as grandparents provide all the childcare. If you REALLY want a baby, you will be prepared to make compromises and sacrificies.*

So YOU save them the best part of £1-£2k per month on childcare

They haven't compromised at all or sacrificed anything. YOU have

I know right?! What planet are some people living on! I could walk around in sack cloth and live off gruel and I still couldn’t save the equivalent of completely free childcare Not sure it’s my place to sacrifice my parents’ retirement on their behalf though!

My DH is Sahp. I run my own company so have much more flexibility than most but nursery is the big hit. We found three mornings was about right for everyone’s sanity and general level of house tidiness! Plus with a lockdown baby, it was his chance to at least socialise as playgroups etc still not open round our way.

I work 3 days. Each of us has a day where we are responsible for ds with no nursery. DH has two days when nursery is on and I have one. That seems to work well. The gp surgery cannot seem to accept that DH is primary contact and refuse to call him about anything.