How do people afford kids?

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I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

We earned about £50k between is (split equally) so when I went on mat leave it was a bit of a disaster.
I got £550 a month on SMP and my share of the outgoings was £500, so I had £50 for the month. Was awful but we just about managed it. No luxuries were had until after I got back to work

13:53Sceptre86 how do you feed four people, including having a takeaway for £100 a Month?

That's 3.6 per meal assuming no snacks. (4×30×3 meals a day)

@Malin52

Don't have kids is the answer. It's not mandatory. Have a wonderful life without them and feel safe in the knowledge you are doing the best thing for the environment and climate change.

Oh give over! I hope you don't drive a car or eat meat.

You're wrong anyway. More countries now have policies to protect the climate. You forget that when our children are grown or grandchildren many changes would've already been made like
electric cars etc.

To say what you did is not only false. It's also wrong.

Our future generation aren't the ones ruining the planet. That's been done by the selfish generations before them. They are literally our future.

When I had DS1 I earned about 42k and DH earned around 32k, so similar amounts to you.

I asked my employer for better maternity pay and they obliged, giving me 50% pay for 4.5 months after the initial 6 weeks. Worth looking into? It wasn't their policy and was purely at discretion of manager based on the individual which I think is wrong, but always worth asking.

We lived v v frugally when was pregnant and on mat leave.

We bought everything 2nd hand, unless we borrowed or procured it for free. Bagged some real bargains.

I went back to work after 9 months (more like 10 once I'd factored in accrued annual leave) so always had some income even if only from maternity pay.

Remember your pay is likely to go up alongside your costs going up.

It does mean a big lifestyle change. Its alot factors op cost of rent etc. I have 2 teens but I took time out as creche was alot for 2. Depends some people have good family support to help. But 2 incomes is better but I dont regret my time out.

We suffered from infertility and loss so ended up having 4 years to save- we can now cover the shortfall between my salary and maternity pay and should still have extra savings left over for holidays, baby items and emergencies.

We did have some savings to start with but used some on home upgrades etc over the years. If I’d gotten, and stayed, pregnant straight away we’d have had to delay those improvements, saved hard for 9 months and I’d probably have had to take a shorter maternity leave and maybe even put things on a zero percent credit card. We earn an equal amount each though, if my DH was a much lower earner I think we’d do shared parental leave and he’d take some of it.

The biggest outgoing is childcare and wrap around care. It currently costs us 800 euro amonth for someone to bring her to school and collect her and have her in the afternoons. This will continue until she's 12 and can lock up and get to and from school herself. No way could we afford for one of us to be a stay at home parent though. We both earn the same amount 50000 euro a year because we do the same job. We couldn't afford to give that up because we need to think about pensions and the future. I also want to give her a deposit for a house. So it is very expensive for about a decade but after that you'll reap the financial benefit of having two parents in work and your dc will benefit too.

You'd manage. Your employer will pay your pension contributions and you won't put any money into savings. So there's a bit to start off with.

Baby stuff is quite cheap second hand. You also don't need all the stuff that the Internet tells you you need.

Would shared parental leave be an option?

You have 10 KIT days you can be paid for.

To be honest the question is not whether you can afford maternity leave. You can stagger through for 9 months/a year. The question is whether you can afford the childcare when you go back to work. That's where the money really goes!

Put some money away before hand to cover any shortfall. Childminders are often cheaper than nurseries and offer so much for your little one. Remember you will receive 30 funded hours once your child turns 3. You can baby stuff virtually new on marketplace or ebay. Consider a mortgage holiday and go on price comparison sites for utilities. No greater feeling than your own child. Good luck

I reckon it's where you live that's the problem and also the person doing the childcare would usually be the lower earner. You need to writd down all outgoings. See if any savings can be made and if you are spending money on unnecessary stuff.

Some people can afford kids on less money because they either live somewhere with a much lower cost of living, have family help with childcare, have a mortgage from a few years ago when house prices were lower, or get help in some other way.

Other people who have none of those things afford kids by cutting back a lot or changing something (house, career). If you can't afford a baby with your current lifestyle, then you change your lifestyle if you want a baby.

We earn a little bit more than you combined, but can't afford another mat leave unless we leave London. So we're leaving London. To buy a place that's smaller than the one we currently rent because we can't afford more on one salary or two salaries plus multiple nursery fees. Hopefully it's only temporary until the kids are in school and childcare is less of an issue, and we can get our careers back on track.

I agree re maternity leave not being the problem (as you can have a short leave of money is tight) but the childcare afterwards is what you need to look at.

The lifestyle changes don't have to be sustainable, because the costs reduce a lot when the 30 hours childcare kicks in, and even more so when a child starts school.

You cut back, you save, you consider what's affordable on a reduced income, housing wise, well before you start planning a baby. Expensive haircuts/grooming, alcohol & socialising and hobbies become lower priorities for a few years.

@Sceptre86 what do you cook that a months shopping costs £100?

100 budget
/4 people = 25 each
/30 days = 83p per day
/3 meals = 28p per meal per person

I moved to a job with better maternity pay and flexibility before having my 2nd.

And never mind tea/coffee/milk and snacks.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The lifestyle changes don't have to be sustainable, because the costs reduce a lot when the 30 hours childcare kicks in, and even more so when a child starts school.

You cut back, you save, you consider what's affordable on a reduced income, housing wise, well before you start planning a baby. Expensive haircuts/grooming, alcohol & socialising and hobbies become lower priorities for a few years.

Exactly - DH and I basically kept reminding ourselves that the frugal years were only until the funded childcare hours kicked in!

I worked out how much I needed to top up my monthy amount to afford my half of everything and saved it in advance so I just moved that much into my account a month. We were also lower wages but my mum also looked after my DC when I went back to work full time so was lucky in that respect. I was also lucky my maternity package was really good with 3 months full pay and then a paid phased return and a months wage additional on return which really helped. Throw in your KIT days too it can supplement your money slightly as you get 10 days and it was more socialising/meetings for them rather than working.

We saved when I was pregnant as much as possible to cover Mat leave and all baby stuff. My firm had a great package though so I only went without some sort of pay for a few weeks but had a year off.

Childcare is the killer! We worked out we are £1500 a month worse off before anything is spent because we pay for four days nursery (no family help) and I work four rather than five days so have taken a 20% pay cut. But I personally wouldn't change that for the world. We are 9 month off the free hours and are counting down the months - we are fine but it would be nice to have some luxuries again or possibly another baby. Who knows!

I've had the same budget spreadsheet for 15 years. During that time DH and I have both worked, one of us has worked, we've freelanced, contracted, and our income has been everything from £0 to six figures. Budgeting very carefully has been a large part of how we've managed.

I was didn't work when DS1 was born and when DS2 was born I was freelancing so I didn't have maternity leave to consider (but I did have to continue working for clients while recovering, then raising a newborn -- do not recommend.) When DD was born I took maternity but I had a supplemental income policy which kicked in the rest of the money so we weren't on a reduced income.

The main savings has been through living in a cheaper area, because we don't have family to rely on for child care. While we'd love to live in an expensive part of the SE close to DH's family and where he grew up, we simply cannot. Our mortgage is high but thankfully short and we should be clear again before we retire.

We also now don't have to have wraparound care because DH is permanently WFH, and we only need nursery part time for DD for the same reason. Other ways I've avoided the expense of wrap around care is flexing my hours to work early and be home before the school run, and actually just bringing my older DC to work with me for the last hour of the day (my workplace was VERY accomodating, and I have my own office where they could do their work and be as loud as they liked without disturbing anyone other than me.)

I should add that DH is in a fairly high-churn industry so it's never been a particularly relaxing life -- before we were able to save as much as we do now I was constantly on the alert for the next problem.

Have 6 months of. Save up for when you are of. Hire a nanny or nursery. They aren't expensive for long

DH and I earn similar to you, except hes the higher earner. We both saved every penny whilst I was pregnant to allow me to take the full year off, but I've gone back full time as we need the money. We don't have family to rely on for childcare so both our children are in nursery, which almost offsets one wage but is worth it for us as we know its only a couple of years until they are in school and staying in the workplace means careers dont suffer in the long run!

In terms of everything else, most of our baby 'stuff' was second hand - pram, cotbed, moses basket. Breastfeeding saves a chunk of money in the first year. And now we do a lot of outdoorsy things, with a picnic as its cheap and easy. We don't go out for meals or to the pub. We don't tend to buy clothes for ourselves 'just because'. It works itself out!

You mention being in such a fun area, close to friends and hobbies, but what does that mean when you add children into the mix? Are they hobbies you could continue/ friends who would want to socialise at the park/fun for children?

The answer seems to be moving away from London, your rent is incredibly high and the fact it’s more than your partners income might suggest that whilst lovely it’s not a frugal choice and thus sustainable long term.

What’s your industry OP? Despite being on a good salary your work place seems to offer the bare minimum in terms of mat pay. Is this an industry standard? If not, you might want to apply to other companies.

My old place of work offered the minimum and I’ve since moved jobs and industries and got 5 months full pay plus bonuses with my first which has now been increased to 6.5 months full pay plus bonuses. This made a huge difference to how comfortable we were and I was able to take the full year off as a result whilst not compromising on lifestyle x

Sorry my maths was wrong. But even so less than a £1 per day for everything. Even a teabag is 3p so say 12p a day for cups of tea. It's a very small food budget. Particularly to also do a takeaway once a month which would be 25-40 for four people.

Do you need to live near London if you both wfh? If wfh is permanent can you move cheaper to area - even if you need to go in 1 or 2 times a week a longer commute is more doable if it’s not daily. What’s partner’s leave package like? He is on a low income for London. Is relocating an option eg near your mum up north.