How do people afford kids?

[crumbsnamechange]

I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

Having grown up with very little, I wanted a very different lifestyle fo my children. Some say they just need love and not money but the reality is they need both and children are expensive.
We saved hard, made sure we both had stable jobs (as stable as any job can be) owned our own home and then had the number we could afford without meaning they had to go without all the extras.

Three things worked for us - saving to afford maternity leave, living somewhere cheaper and both parents working flexibly to minimise childcare (dp compressed his days to work 4 longer days, I was able to do three long days, and generally work the weekends).

It was a hard slog, we saw quite little of each other as someone was always working, but we both kept our careers alive.

Prior to having children my DH & I earned around £55k combined. We used to have weekends away/meals out/new clothes etc...but once you have children all of these things are much harder to do and so you naturally end up spending less. Ever since our daughter was born I have worked P/T & yes my income has reduced drastically, but some things like spending time with your children are more important.

I didn't realise how important this was until I became a Mum. Everyone has different priorities but you might find that, you don't want someone else looking after your child day in day out.

I had a good career prior to having children, but I really enjoyed going to toddler groups & meeting new mums. I would never have been able to do those things in my old job.

Things like being there for school-pick ups/sports days/nativities etc.. become important and these things are very difficult to do if you work f/t.

Its not forever, I'm 42 my DD has just started secondary and so I'm looking to increase my hours now & I've still got another 20/25 years of work ahead of me...Personally I don't regret coming off the rat-race for 11 years!!

And I should add that we didn’t buy our first home until we were in our 40’s and prioritised having babies over saving for a house deposit.

We utilised credit cards, we set a firm budget and cooked from scratch- Jamie’s Oliver’s Save book. We didn’t go out, we didn’t buy new clothes, we had friends over for dinner as most were in the same boat as us, we didn’t buy Christmas gifts for family etc. But it wasn’t miserable. We took pride in doing what we did for our babies. I’d do it again tomorrow.

We made it work. We both have similar level jobs but I do earn more.

I specifically moved to a company with a better maternity package for my second. I went back to work at 7months. (Much earlier for first as we hadn’t saved) what’s your company’s policy like?

We saved in advance for may leave. Ultimately we sucked it up for a few years, it’s painful but it was worth me keeping my career on track

We did it by...
buying a house and having a good chunk of it paid off; saving to cover shortfall whilst they were under 5; spending a good few years (15) establishing careers...
BEFORE having kids.

Thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate it. Very interesting to hear about all the ways it can be done.

However...it sounds like for it to work, it would likely mean either saving like mad starting ASAP (I'm mid-thirties now so aware of time) or giving up our lovely 2-bed rented place here very close to London and moving somewhere cheaper (we went for a 2-bed as we both currently WFH). The rent is £1600 a month (that's more than DP's current take-home salary) - when I compare that to my mum's £300 mortgage up North for the same size house I try and justify it thinking we're in such a fun area and close to all our friends, hobbies etc...

We aren't in a position to buy, but on the plus side we have no debt (except student loans for both of us) either. Apparently my work offers 6 weeks of full pay, then a staggered amount downwards after that.

When we found out I was pregnant I started saving, I used that to top up my maternity pay. DH paid the household bills / mortgage & I paid for shopping, baby stuff etc.

And I think having this realisation is actually really important. It's often the first realisation that having a child is the most important decision that anyone can ever make.

And that making that decision does mean that the parents lives have to change

OK so your housing costs are relatively high as you know.

Move somewhere cheaper and start saving like mad.

Also remember that you can choose how long your mat leave is. So you could take three months and he could take six months and then go back to work.

But you have to want a child more than you want other stuff

How much longer on your student loan? Honestly, at your age time isn’t in your side but if you’re not in a position to buy before a baby you might need to accept that it won’t be possible after either. Is relocating to a cheaper area but earning the same possible?

Also if you are mid thirties then you have been working for a decade so should have been able to build up a nest egg of savings

For me it was either waiting until we had a good pot or just making it work. "Making it work" to me wasn't an option, I didn't want to have the stress of struggling financially along with the stress of a new baby. I made sure we had enough saved that didn't have to worry about maternity leave and at least the first year of childcare.

I think a lot of people cope on low incomes, but they receive income support (as they should), but being in the middle, on an good enough income to not receive any help can make things uncomfortably tight.

We have the same income but live in Scotland and own one car between us and have a mortgage at £750 a month. We budget so food shopping is rarely more than £100 a month. Both dh and I make packed lunches. We both cook from scratch and have a takeaway once a week.We haven't had a holiday abroad in 6 years but pre covid have enjoyed lots of uk weekend breaks. With the kids we still go to softplay, parks , the cinema etc. We just cut our cloth accordingly and manage to save. We have two kids with our third on the way. I didn't buy anything secondhand with our first but did reuse all our big purchases with our second although this time one or two of the big items has needed replacing. I have bought some new clothes for the baby but not many as I have a lot of neutral stuff from my older two and plenty of 'girl', 'boy' clothing as the eldest are a dd and then ds. I still have a monthly facial and get my hair done every 3 months, dh gets his hair done more regularly. Neither of us has expensive hobbies or spends shed loads on clothes.

I was the higher earner when we were expecting our first child and saved throughout the pregnancy. I am now part time and dh earns 2.5x my wages. One of my working days is at the weekend so dh has the kids and we save on childcare. He is able to work from home on my two other workings days so we save money and he is able to do pick ups and drop offs.

My maternity pay is no where near generous, 3 months full pay and then smp for a further 6. I am lucky that dh is now a high earner enabling me to take the full year off and I also save whilst pregnant so we don't struggle with expenses.

If money is tight then it might have to be a very short maternity leave-you don’t have to take 9 months/a year. I went back when DC1 was 16 weeks. Luckily, only part time.

Save like mad now as well which will help cover the gaps in your salary when you’re on a reduced salary.

Have you looked at childcare-this was £30 a day when I was looking and that was 20 years ago and outside London! Work out the sort of monthly cost you’ll have and then you’ll have some figures to play with.

Kids are expensive!

It can be tough. I’m the higher earner and DH really doesn’t want to take any leave as he’s still trying to build his career. So it makes maternity leave difficult because our household income drops massive whilst I’m out. We’re managing it by saving a decent amount before mat leave, cutting back expenses where we can, and I’ll be going back to work a bit sooner than I’d like to. In an ideal world the lower earning man would take some time out, would your DP consider this?

Childcare is also obviously a massive expense. We earn a bit more than you (£110k combined) and find paying for full time childcare for 2 children is still a massive hit and means we have to make sacrifices elsewhere. Those costs drop a lot after they turn 3 and then when they go to school so we figure that we just need to tighten our belts for a few years.

There are lots of different ways of managing it, and on your salaries I definitely think it’s manageable, but even on a good income you’ll need to compromise on something and you need to decide what that’s going to be. For us, the main compromise is not having the big house that we could get so we keep our mortgage payments low and only having one cheap car.

You save for a year beforehand to cover the shortfall whilst you're off

How old are you @crumbsnamechange? I’d be keen to be clear of student debt and in a position to buy a house before having a child ideally, but not at the compromise of leaving it so late that there are fertility risks.

Being close to friends is really important. Being at the heart of the action becomes much less so when you have kids! Suddenly nice parks and good primary schools are your main requirement!

I started ttc at 32 and (for non-age related reasons) didn’t have DD until almost 38. I’m pregnant with #2 now at 41.

The advantage of having children so late is that we are homeowners with a small mortgage, lots of savings and established careers. I have carried on working 4 days a week and am the higher earner on a salary package worth around £120k - having been promoted and increased my earnings by more than 30% since having DD1 - it doesn’t have to be the death of your career! I saved up enough to fund maternity leave without having to worry and will do the same this time. DH earns half what I do, and tends to have more flexibility so picks up more of the domestic jobs.

Ok so when we had DC1, DH and I both worked full time and earned 25k each. When I was pregnant we saved as hard as we could. I didn't get enhanced maternity pay and my statutory pay only just covered all our outgoings. I only took nine months off for this reason as we couldn't afford for me to take unapid leave. We lived very frugally while I was on mat leave - no holiday, no luxuries, we bought second hand baby stuff where we could. We opted for a childminder when I went back to work full time as we couldn't afford nursery. Even when DC1 was a toddler we holidayed with family, didn't really spend much on clothes, days out, etc. If we wanted to do any home renovation we couldn't afford to do that AND have a proper holiday. For DC2 we earned slightly more but again had to save hard while I was pregnant and couldn't take unpaid leave, etc. DH loves a spreadsheet so we worked everything out re: what we could afford every month. Again I bought plenty second hand and used all hand-me-downs from DC1. We had to leave at least a 4.5 year age gap between kids as we couldn't afford to pay two lots of full time childcare at once.

We are much more comfortably off now so things are very different. We live in a cheaper area than you so your housing costs are a massive factor here (mortgage is £700 a month; it was £450 when we had DC1) so moving, if possible, could make things easier for you?

We worked out how much money I would get across Mat leave in total, then divided it by the 12 months. So that when I had more money the first 6 months we put some of that away and used it to top up the last 6 months when I went down to statutory and then nothing.

It meant that our overall income dropped for the year, but didn't drop off a cliff at the 6 month mark.

The couples I know where women were higher or equal earners split maternity and paternity leave (dad took over at about the 6 month mark) and then both dropped a day, so we're only paying for childcare 3 days a week. Obviously not possible in all jobs.

If you do decide to move further out, remember to take the cost of commuting into account. We moved out of london and rent dropped by £400, but commuting costs went up by £400, so there was no saving there. We just got more house for the money.

Ah yes and this time around I’m taking 9 months off and DH will take 3 months so the salary impact is minimised.

You have to adjust things, sometimes drastically. I went from a City job to being a part time carer a long way down the trainline from London. Schools become an issue once they're 3. Something has to give ultimately. I don't know any couples where they both continued to work as they did before DC. But it's all worth it.

Combined income £150k, partner on 90k. We have 3 kids under 4 and live in London.

Savings before we had taken helped as we bought our house before children, mortgage less than renting i think.

I take mat leave, 6 months paid, 6 months unpaid but have always taken the full year.

We use a nursery a free days a week. Kids have been full time when I was working full time which is hard.

I earn £47k DH earns £35k. Or I did, I've just gone back four days so earn more like £38k now.

We own we don't rent which was important to me before DC. My parents were awful with money and I wanted the stability of owning even with a mortgage before having a baby.

DH can't do part time in his job but I'm the 'better' parent for more time with DD anyway, in that I desperately want time with her having spent all of her life with her whereas DH is used to being the parent not around as much. We only have one day off altogether a week so this means we only need nursery for three days which costs about £615 a month with the tax free childcare element. We have a car on PCP at £350 a month. When that's up I'll pay the balloon payment to keep it but we will be £350 better off a month and won't get another PCP of that price if at all. Things like that we will cut back on but it doesn't really bother me, we had the cash free before and we don't now. Our mortgage is £1200 a month and our pets are our vices and not very cheap. Other than that we don't less expensive lifestylesz