DS refusing to try on his school uniform

[GadyLaLa]

DS has just turned 4 & he starts school in September. He’s currently being assessed for ASD & has an EHCP for starting school. He has some sensory issues, especially with clothing.
I’ve bought all his school uniform & I’m trying to encourage him to try it on, even just 1 item. He gets quite upset at the mere mention of the uniform & won’t even look at it, never mind try it on.
I’m dreading his first day at school as I know he’s going to refuse to wear it, & I don’t know whether I need to be firm & insist he wears it/force it on him, or if I should just let him wear what he wants & send the uniform in with him.
I know I sound silly but I feel I’ll be gutted if he doesn’t wear it - I don’t want him to stand out like a sore thumb & be labelled as ‘different’ right from the word go, & I don’t want to be judged by other parents for not dressing him correctly. I’m feeling like a bit of a failure about it all.
But equally I definitely don’t want him to be distressed/uncomfortable & hate school because of the uniform.
I’ve spoken briefly to the school’s SENCO & she was a bit like “it’ll be fine, don’t worry” but I don’t think he’ll magically change his mind about it & just wear it.
Any tips, or anyone with any experience of this kind of thing & how you got around it?

My SIL had this same issue with my nephew earlier this week (diagnosed with Autism) when school started up here. I sent her lots of pictures of my DC’s in their uniform and she spent some time showing him the pictures and googling lots of different types of uniforms. Does he have any cousins of friends he looks up to? Worked well and he went to school on Monday looking handsome 😍

It's still quite early for such a young mind to process school. Three weeks is ages away for him. I'd personally try again the day or two before.

You could avoid the term uniform and use 'school clothes' perhaps. Mine were initially reluctant to wear uniform too. We explained it was like DH and I who both had to wear uniforms to work at the time.

Now my DC are fine with uniform and struggle instead with non uniform days.

There will be some starting school programs starting on ceebies soon. It maybe worth watching them with him.

You can uniform without seams. I remember my sister having to buy seamless socks.

He's only 4. I know you don't want him to be the odd one out but honestly the kids won't care and ehatbthe parents think isnt important. Can you find some of his clothes that are similar so for instance if the uniform is black trousers and a white polo shirt does he have some comfy black joggers and a predominantly white t shirt? If so I would send him in that and possibly progress to the other items over time. Send them in with him and when he sees the other kids wearing them he might decide to give it a go.

Maybe try hanging them in his room somewhere he can see them so he get used to seeing them before he has to try them on.
I did this with my daughter last year at the start of the summer so she gradually got used to them and then started trying them on a couple of weeks before school started. At first just for 5 minutes at a time and then gradually increased the time she was wearing them for. She has asd .

My ds is about to start secondary and I'm dreading it as when he did try on the uniform he had a huge meltdown over it saying his trousers were too long (they aren't) shoes don't fit (they do), jumper is itchy ( it doesn't touch his skin - it's over his shirt, which he stated didn't fit either.)etc.
I've decided just to get him to go wearing it and see that everyone all looks the same and that there's nothing wrong with his uniform I'm going to bribe treat him to a McDonald's after school.
Not great advice I know.
Just sharing so you can see you're not alone in the uniform war.

If possible look at lots of pictures of school clothes and happy kids wearing them! What colour is it? I think topsy and tim wear red so try a programme with kids wearing uniform- Google cbeebies starting school too. Explain he cant wear the clothes today but he will on school days. Try a social story about wearing school clothes on school days. Leave them hanging in view in his room until school.
Good luck but dont stress. Try all the above and have a back up plan and outfit.

Do you have any friends on social media who posted their first day back at school pics last year or are in Scotland so posted them recently ? It might help normalise uniform - especially if he knows the child wearing it.

What does he normally wear? Maybe you can see what is different about the uniform to his normal clothes and see what’s upsetting him about the clothes.
If he’s not tried them on it’s not likely to be sensory issues such as the seams but more the change/ anxiety aspect of it being a school uniform.
Although it may be useful to know M and s do an accessible range which may be helpful if sensory issues are a thing too.

Most primary school tops are polo shirts now? Does he ever wear a polo shirt? Could you just put that out for his clothes for the day one day next week and see if he will wear that with his regular bottoms? I’ve seen children wear polo shirt and tracksuit bottoms for schools so that could well be a reasonable adjustment. At the end of the day don’t upset him over it, it will be ok.

I woukd write a social story and include pictures of a child in school uniform (the actual uniform from the school if poss).

If he refuses to put it on on the first day I wouldn't push it, but would send it in in a bag in case he wants to wear it when he sees the other dc in it.

Are there any minor changes you could make to the uniform that would make it more acceptable to him? My son with ASD started school last year and he refuses to wear any buttons or collars, so we were able to swap the required polo shirt for a plain crew neck t-shirt. I also made sure that his trousers were elasticated waist and didn’t have the adjustable waist band buttons inside. I took him to one of the ‘quiet’ shoe fitting appointments at Clarks, where he chose his own shoes. We then used his reward system to persuade him to try on items of his uniform (literally for a couple of seconds at first), so he was used to it before the big day. I completely understand the feeling of not wanting your son to stand out and I hope you can convince him to wear some of his uniform. I’m very impressed that he has an EHCP in place already, without an official diagnosis. My son’s school don’t even want to start the process!

Also, my son's school sent out a personalised transition book for him, with pictures of his classroom, teachers etc, which included pictures of children wearing the uniform. Could you ask for something like that, to read with your son?

He's probably feeling overwhelmed by the whole starting school idea. He's so little.

I think I'd concentrate on talking about and show pictures of what his day at school will look like , what to expect when, who will be there and that there will be people to help him.

You can only do so much in advance and the uniform sounds like a red rag to a bull so I'd put it away for now. Once he sees the other children wearing theirs he will probably want to be like them (hopefully!).

If he has asd traits then this new experience is going to feel scary and unpredictable. I think I'd just concentrate on reassuring him. Once he gets used to the new routines he'll feel more secure.

On a side note: why are we so keen to put 4 year olds in uniform? I hope at least it's a practical one OP.

Aww bless him it must be hard for him to process with him being so little

Lots of good suggestions already about looking at pictures of kids in uniforms (also look on the school's own website for pics), cbeebies programs will be good and leaving the uniform where he can see it for a bit.

Sorry if this is a stupid question/idea but have you washed the uniform? If not, could the smell of it be an issue? My DS went through a phase a few years back of not liking the smell of new clothes. He used to hate putting new things on because they were 'smelly'. Maybe your DS is struggling with that too but can't express it?

Thanks so much for all your helpful advice.
His cousin is starting at the same school, so I’ll ask SIL to send a photo of him wearing his uniform. Hopefully it will inspire DS!
DS currently goes to pre-school (not attached to the school he’s starting) and for there he is supposed to wear school trousers, a polo t-shirt & a purple sweatshirt. He will wear the trousers most days with lots of coaxing, & he loves the sweatshirt but refuses to wear the polo (he refuses to wear any short-sleeved t-shirt, even in hot weather). Because I’ve not let him wear the sweatshirt through summer he’s just been wearing a long-sleeved top with school trousers (or joggers when I’ve not been up to battling with him!). He doesn’t seem to care that everyone else is wearing uniform & he’s not.
For school he has to wear a shirt, tie jumper & school trousers. I thought he’d love the school jumper because it’s purple like his pre-school one (but knitted rather than sweatshirt) & he loves badges/logos on clothes & the jumper has an embroidered one on it - but he won’t look at it, try it on, nothing. I don’t think there’s a cat in hell’s chance he’ll wear the shirt & tie. I’m hopeful he’ll wear the trousers as he does wear them most of the time now.
His preference would be joggers with a long-sleeved top. Apparently on PE days they go into school already dressed in PE kit, which is joggers & top so he will love that. I think that’ll have to be the back-up outfit.
At the moment he’s got the uniform hanging up on his wardrobe door. He’s been ignoring it, or if I’ve took it off the hanger to try & put it on him he’ll cry/shout/take it off me/throw it around. He always says he’ll try it on ‘later’ but then we go through the same crying process when I try again later.
Maybe I’m pushing too hard & going on about it too much, but I’m so worried that if I don’t start now I’ll never persuade him to wear it in time. I’ve had varying advice from friends & family, some hint I’m being too soft & I need to force it on him, others think it won’t matter what he wears on his first day.

I would bribe him with whatever floats his boat

My son is asd but abit older now. He won’t try on school clothes but I don’t have much of an issue with him wearing them when he’s actually going to school. It’s just a nightmare with trying to judge sides, styles etc if they won’t try. A lot of kids with asd are very literal, if they are school clothes why would he want to try them at home? They are for school

Thst said mines never had a shirt or tie!!

He's still so young and asd makes it harder for sure. Is he at a point where he can understand social social stories yet? My son is autistic and social stories help him a lot. You could make one with pictures of the school and the uniform etc. You can ask the school for photos of anything too. With empathis on the uniform of course! Do you know anyone with kids already in the school who may be happy to send a photo of their children in the uniform? Or children that will be starting with him that he may know? Photos really help as a visual thing.

I don't really know what to suggest but have you got a rather large teddy bear you could put the uniform on to show him?

It might be the case he goes to school and realises everyone is wearing it and he'll accept it. My son loved his uniform and that they were all the same. He hated non school unfirom days as everyone was different and it wasn't school...

Perhaps leave the uniform out on display for a while. I do this with my son now before it's time to return. He takes a while to settle back into school after the holidays. Having his uniform out for a few days before he goes back reminds him the time is coming 😅

Good luck op and little man on starting school!

When my severely autistic son was due to start school I knew he wouldn't wear the uniform without it becoming an item of clothing he saw regularly,so I hung it in the living room for a week before school started and washed it before hand so it was softer and smelt like his own regular clothes.
The morning he started I presented him with a new small toy of his favourite tv character as I dressed him in his uniform he was more interested in the toy than resisting the new clothes x

If you haven't already, you could try running everything through the wash 10 times to make it softer and so that it smells like his other clothes.

Other than that - and it's easy for me to say - try not to let it stress you or him. He has autism, the school need to make reasonable adjustments for him and that means if he needs a soft, long sleeved top instead of a polo shirt then so be it. He doesnt need to be overwhelmed with reception stuff at the same time his clothing is driving him crazy.

I do think he’s overwhelmed by the thought of starting school to be honest. I’ve been talking to him about it lots, showing him pictures off the website, got him some books about starting school etc. Will definitely check out CBeebies too! But I can tell he’s either not really understanding the concept of it all, or not wanting to talk about it or think about it. Which is why the thought of battling with him over uniform breaks my heart a bit! I know it’s more important that he feels happy & settled rather than what clothes he’s got on. He’s never been a huge fan of nursery/pre-school, so he’s bound to be worried bless him.
I’m already thinking of bribes, McDonalds is on the list! There’s a park near school which he loves going to, I’m hoping the bribe of playing there after school might work too.
I’ll try washing the uniform, good idea. I was holding out in case it doesn’t fit & needs to be swapped, but I’m sure it’ll fit fine.
I so hope that on his first day he’ll just wear it. Maybe it is a case of him thinking why would I try it on now when I’m not going there yet?!

A shirt and tie at 4???? He's not even legally obliged to go to school. If he has autism he won't care what other people are wearing and thinking of him. I would try for as near as possible with the uniform. Hanging it in his room for now is a good idea. Good luck, try out M and S adaptive uniform. The most important thing is him settling happily into school.

@Spanglemum

A shirt and tie at 4???? He's not even legally obliged to go to school. If he has autism he won't care what other people are wearing and thinking of him. I would try for as near as possible with the uniform. Hanging it in his room for now is a good idea. Good luck, try out M and S adaptive uniform. The most important thing is him settling happily into school.

This.

If he has echp they should accommodate his sensory needs and this should include being able to wear whatever he finds comfortable. That really is the most important thing above all else. If he isn’t comfortable he won’t feel calm and if he isn’t calm he won’t participate or learn.

My ds is 9 and has never worn school uniform. Admittedly he is in a specialist school for children with autism now and they couldn’t care less about uniform (they do have one but it’s optional) but even before that he just wore joggers and a sweatshirt and t shirt as that was all that he was comfortable in.

I've no ideas on uniform wearing but I do feel with hindsight that I put far too much weight on my son's first day or week of school. I really wanted him to get off to a good start but it doesn't work that way . Just take the easiest route. Don't put any extra pressure on you or your son. That will help more in the long run. And school is a very long run!