Page 8 | What’s the done thing with the Uni kids bedroom?

WhatsAppening · 2021-08-18T19:21:45+00:00

I have plans. The tumble dryer currently lives in the dining room [hmm] so that’s going up there. I’m thinking a whole laundry room, with hanging space and even an ironing board. DH wants to move his office up there (wfh for the foreseeable) as it’s bigger and lighter than the office downstairs, and spread his music stuff out over the office instead. I’m also considering making it a walk in wardrobe. DS is appalled and thinks we should stay the fuck out of his room while he’s away [hmm][grin] What are your plans? (Obviously lighthearted before anyone jumps on me, it will still be his bedroom however we repurpose it temporarily).

Abraxan · 20/08/2021 09:08

DD's room remains the same. She's come home for weekends and holidays. It will stay that way longer term as we have other spare room.

Growing up for me and dh our rooms remained the same throughout university. Dh went home for a year after finishing his degree and I still had a year to go. It's only after university and we had jobs, and lived in together, that our rooms became no longer our rooms. Mine changed to being just my sister's (she was much younger and we shared before) and dh's bedroom became a dining room (bungalow so one floors.)

Warmduscher · 20/08/2021 09:27

Fuck me, some of you are batshit.

Well, aren’t you lovely.

Perhaps if you don’t like people holding a different opinion to you, you don’t start a thread asking opinions about what is the done thing?

Airpit · 20/08/2021 09:48

When I left home, parents repurposing rooms was a happy symbolism recognising that you were an adult now. A bit like a going away party.
You were always welcome home after that but it wasn't "your" room anymore and I loved that. I had "my" room in my student village. That was "my" home.

It was so much my room that I never questioned making sure my income could cover my rent. It gave me financial reasoning very early. It never occurred to me to use the bank of mom and dad this way. I'd have felt childish...

MyOtherProfile · 20/08/2021 09:54

@Airpit you must have had nicer uni accommodation than me. Mine never felt like home and I was always glad to have my room in my real home to go back to.

Airpit · 20/08/2021 09:58

I don't think I expected it to be "nice" or comfortable or pleasant or whatever. It just had to be mine.
I think hardship and "working your way up" to being able to afford the comfort you had once been given was the expectation. I remember sharing fridges and toilets and washing machines and the room itself being too small for kitchen appliances to be permitted. It was still home... my home.

SpaceshiptoMars · 20/08/2021 10:09

[quote MyOtherProfile]@Airpit you must have had nicer uni accommodation than me. Mine never felt like home and I was always glad to have my room in my real home to go back to.[/quote]
Freezing attic rooms and mouldy subterranean basements were just part of the joy of being a student!

HelenHywater · 20/08/2021 10:13

These threads always descend into bitchiness with people coming on saying they left home at 18, became adults and anything different to that is just crazy.

My children are becoming adults. My 22 year old is living independently. He knows he can always come back to my house and it will be his home. My dd is going into year 2 of university She is here for the summer before heading off to a shared house. She is working, she has a boyfriend, and she can cook. She will probably be back at Christmas and next summer. That's fine for me. I will keep a house big enough for my children to stay as long as I can afford to do so. It doesn't make them any less of an adult. Living on your own at 18 isn't a badge of independence, it isn't a prize and you don't deserve a medal.

I expect my children will be very high achieving, well functioning, capable, kind adults. Having a place to come back to if they want or need to isn't going to change that. I'm lucky enough to be able to do that and it's my choice.

Airpit · 20/08/2021 10:22

Yes... the bitchiness is definitely coming from the other side... eyeroll.

Anyway, the point is not everyone feels like a repurposed room as a young adult is a rejection. It doesn't have to be seen that way.

flowerbus · 20/08/2021 10:25

Mine was left as my room as DM didn’t need the space. I’ve got my own home and married with DC but it’s still decorated the way it was when I was a teen (luckily I had nice taste😂), but used as a spare room if anyone stays over. I think if you don’t need the space then keep it as is.

VienneseWhirligig · 20/08/2021 10:30

DSS had the second biggest bedroom, when he went to uni he swapped with DS and had the boxroom as his base. He moved in with his girlfriend from uni at 20 so never moved back in permanently. He suggested swapping rooms with his brother, we didn't force it to happen. He was quite happy with it - he kept some of his stuff in his old room and let DS use it (old consoles and stuff he didn't want in halls).

SpaceshiptoMars · 20/08/2021 10:32

Families are smaller these days. If you shared bedrooms as a child, you don't expect a room to stay unoccupied when you go to uni. Fat chance!

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 20/08/2021 10:33

@GreyhoundG1rl

Dd's room will be redecorated and turned into a nice guest room, she can use it when she comes back for Uni holidays. Nice way to tell her she no longer lives there, she's been relegated to guest status. What happens if another guest wants to use it at the same time, do they draw straws?

It does no such thing. I wouldn't entertain a guest (my sister) while Dd was using the room, sis would go and stay at our mothers if there was a clash of dates, not all parents are complety stupid you know. This all worked well with our older kids who have their own homes and partners, it's not my first rodeo.

Sexnotgender · 20/08/2021 10:37

We’ll be leaving DDs room pretty much as it is but only because we don’t need the space. If we needed the space I’d be using it but letting her know that it’s absolutely hers whenever she wants it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/08/2021 10:37

You were always welcome home after that but it wasn't "your" room anymore and I loved that.
That sounds quite odd, though? It still being designated "your" room carries no obligation to actually stay in it, it's just an option.
Repurposing to accommodate other children at home with smaller rooms isn't a rejection, certainly, but having it repurposed as "the guest room" is hardly necessary?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/08/2021 10:43

DDs has been left as it is. She hasn't come home much this summer due to work but she does come and go for odd days/weekends and I want her to do that for as long as she needs.

If we have overnight guests, they stay in there, but obv that hasn't been a thing for the last 18 months or so.

NothingIsWrong · 20/08/2021 10:53

My sister moved into mine as it was the big room and she had a small one. I was doing engineering and had placements every summer so I was rarely home.

Original poster

WhatsAppening · 20/08/2021 11:36

@Warmduscher

Fuck me, some of you are batshit.

Well, aren’t you lovely.

Perhaps if you don’t like people holding a different opinion to you, you don’t start a thread asking opinions about what is the done thing?

Telling me I clearly don’t love my son and can’t wait for him to move out isn’t a ‘difference of opinion’ though, is it? It’s a batshit line of thinking.

OP posts:

Howshouldibehave · 20/08/2021 11:40

my eldest had a double room that was his and remained his while at uni and his brothers shared a tiny box room that didnt even fit a single bed in it (they were in shorty bunk beds) there is no way eldest would ahve fitted in the little room and the younger ones had the downstairs space to use as well, they just slept in their room, where as eldest ds would spend loads of time in his room

Fair enough-I think if that’s as my house, I would have really tried to find a way to have the two younger brothers in the bigger room rather than them being squashed together whilst the older one had a double.

Why is there no way the eldest child would have fitted in there, just out of interest? My 6 foot 3 dad had a 6x8 box room right up until he got married at 24!

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/08/2021 11:46

my eldest had a double room that was his and remained his while at uni and his brothers shared a tiny box room that didnt even fit a single bed in it (they were in shorty bunk beds) there is no way eldest would ahve fitted in the little room and the younger ones had the downstairs space to use as well, they just slept in their room, where as eldest ds would spend loads of time in his room
How did it even start that the eldest had a double room to himself while the other two were squashed into a cupboard, let alone allowed to continue while he was away?

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 20/08/2021 11:59

My brother moved into my room the night I went to uni and I was on a mattress on the floor when I came back until I moved in with a boyfriend a while later. Big families don’t have the luxury of leaving rooms empty for people who primarily live elsewhere. I hadn’t expected anything else and I find the preciousness about bedrooms especially for absent students on here really weird.

Similar to me. Brother moved to my bigger room and I got to sleep on a single bed amidst laundry/boxes of cat food/dad’s model building table 😂 I didn’t mind, it made sense for him to have my old room as I was away for most of the year (I stayed in my rented house over the summer as I had a job in my uni town). I’m 5 years older than him, too, so he had it for quite a while

memememe · 20/08/2021 13:03

@Howshouldibehave

my eldest had a double room that was his and remained his while at uni and his brothers shared a tiny box room that didnt even fit a single bed in it (they were in shorty bunk beds) there is no way eldest would ahve fitted in the little room and the younger ones had the downstairs space to use as well, they just slept in their room, where as eldest ds would spend loads of time in his room

Fair enough-I think if that’s as my house, I would have really tried to find a way to have the two younger brothers in the bigger room rather than them being squashed together whilst the older one had a double.

Why is there no way the eldest child would have fitted in there, just out of interest? My 6 foot 3 dad had a 6x8 box room right up until he got married at 24!

the room wasnt long enough to fit a single bed in it. it was 5"10 long by 4"6 wide. it literally only just fitted shorty bunk beds and nothing else. their clothes were kept downstairs with all their toys etc.

memememe · 20/08/2021 13:06

@GreyhoundG1rl

my eldest had a double room that was his and remained his while at uni and his brothers shared a tiny box room that didnt even fit a single bed in it (they were in shorty bunk beds) there is no way eldest would ahve fitted in the little room and the younger ones had the downstairs space to use as well, they just slept in their room, where as eldest ds would spend loads of time in his room How did it even start that the eldest had a double room to himself while the other two were squashed into a cupboard, let alone allowed to continue while he was away?

because they were born after he was already in that room, and there was no way i was kicking a teen out of his double room (which was a small double) for a baby, and as ive previously said, he wouldnt have fit in there.

you have to make the best of the space you have, it worked for us and the small ones had a big space downstairs for them to use. it was just a room for sleeping. weve moved now and they all have a double room.

Howshouldibehave · 20/08/2021 13:07

That is small!

I think I’d probably have used it as wall to wall storage and had the three boys in together. My mum had 4 brothers who shared a (not massive) double sized bedroom. They have fond memories and still get on vvwell as adults!

I certainly would be moving them both out into the double bedroom whilst it was empty if their current bedroom only fits shorty beds!

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/08/2021 13:19

I think I’d probably have used it as wall to wall storage and had the three boys in together.
Me too. It seems the obvious solution.

cptartapp · 20/08/2021 13:22

DS2 will be having it, DH will move from the dining room table as his office to DS2 room as it has the nicest outlook, and DS1 will have the current spare bedroom (smallest) when he is home.