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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s the done thing with the Uni kids bedroom?

206 replies

WhatsAppening · 18/08/2021 20:21

I have plans.

The tumble dryer currently lives in the dining room Hmm so that’s going up there. I’m thinking a whole laundry room, with hanging space and even an ironing board.

DH wants to move his office up there (wfh for the foreseeable) as it’s bigger and lighter than the office downstairs, and spread his music stuff out over the office instead.

I’m also considering making it a walk in wardrobe.

DS is appalled and thinks we should stay the fuck out of his room while he’s away HmmGrin

What are your plans?

(Obviously lighthearted before anyone jumps on me, it will still be his bedroom however we repurpose it temporarily).

OP posts:
Sewaccidentprone · 18/08/2021 21:02

Ds2 went to Uni last Sept. we’ve kept all the furniture, but shuffled it round a bit. Dh now uses it as his office, but when ds2 is home dh has to work in the kitchen.

The room was only decorated a few years ago in dark blue and a lilac/grey, but it’ll probably keep it as it is now till he finishes Uni as we want this to feel as though it’s still his home and he’s welcome here whoever.

Gubanc · 18/08/2021 21:02

Just out of interest, as I never went to uni: is nobody expecting their child to move back after finishing their studies? is it assumed that they'll just go on renting instead of trying to save up some money by moving back home?

Warmduscher · 18/08/2021 21:03

(Obviously lighthearted before anyone jumps on me, it will still be his bedroom however we repurpose it temporarily)

So if you move all the laundry stuff into there, or all your clothes, or your DH moves all his gym shit in there, what happens when your DS comes home for the weekend, or for Christmas? Where does he put his own stuff if you’ve put a tumble dryer in his room?

Sounds like you can’t wait for him to go and are hoping he won’t come back. You may well get your wish.

Datsandcogs · 18/08/2021 21:06

I’m an only child. We already had a spare room. My room was left for me to come home to. I went home every 3 or 4 weeks through term and stayed at home through the holidays. When my mum was widowed she asked me to stay home for a while, I did for 2 months.

Now I’m the Mum, in the same house(!) and my girls’ rooms will stay theirs through their studenthood so they can come home whenever they want.

GoodnightGrandma · 18/08/2021 21:06

I left his room so it’s the same when he comes home for holidays.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2021 21:07

Be aware how you treat your kids at this time can set patterns and really impact your ongoing adult relationship

Yes it’s a complete miracle some of us are still very close to our parents and siblings despite not having a shrine to our childhoods maintained in our absence rather than being used for the benefit of the people still living there full time… Hmm

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2021 21:08

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Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2021 21:09

DS has been at Uni for 4 years but we've just left the room as it is. He's come back for the holidays etc, but I haven't needed it for anything really.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 18/08/2021 21:09

@Warmduscher

(Obviously lighthearted before anyone jumps on me, it will still be his bedroom however we repurpose it temporarily)

So if you move all the laundry stuff into there, or all your clothes, or your DH moves all his gym shit in there, what happens when your DS comes home for the weekend, or for Christmas? Where does he put his own stuff if you’ve put a tumble dryer in his room?

Sounds like you can’t wait for him to go and are hoping he won’t come back. You may well get your wish.

BOOM THERE IT IS.

Fuck me, some of you are batshit. Hence my disclaimer.

Whatever we move in there can be moved back out. But I’m not leaving it empty for nine months of the year when we can use the space. Also, the tumble dryer will sit in the corner, not impacting his quality of life at all, and maybe a silent reminder that his place in my heart is temporary.

OP posts:
zeddybrek · 18/08/2021 21:09

My room was kept for me as uni holidays are long. Around 3 months over summer. They used it for other things once u properly left after graduating. What will your DS do when he comes home every summer and Christmas holidays?

GoWalkabout · 18/08/2021 21:10

I don't think changes are rejecting, but they do need to be talked about in advance to set expectations and prepare them. For instance there's a thread on the WIWIKAU Facebook page about a mum wanting to allow her younger child the bigger bedroom when older sibling goes to uni - lots of people thinking this is terrible - but we always had a policy of alternating big and small room for fairness, kids all understand that, and if talked about well in advance they could have fun moving bedrooms and it would help sort their stuff out. Of course their needs must be catered for but that can be done in many different ways. I think I might work from dds room when she goes, it would be nice to not be in our bedroom.

steppemum · 18/08/2021 21:12

ds is also off in a few weeks.
He will be back for quite a number of weeks though, especially in the first year, as he can't stay in uni accommodation in the holidays.

So while I will be using his room, he will be using it for a lot of weeks.

Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2021 21:14

They don't take all of their belongings to Uni either. DS took about half of his clothes & shoes, his bookcase is still full etc

lannistunut · 18/08/2021 21:15

Think the best thing is to talk to the kids in advance, they are pretty sensible usually.

In our house we make it into a room where we can use the sapce when they are not there and then we vacate it again when they come back. So for example we put a 4-ft bed in so we could have guest couples during term time, but during holidays of course we wouldn't do that.

I think feeling welcome and wanted is a feeling, not connected to the room remaining unused in your absence.

So I wouldn't make it a laundry room where they would have you going in and out when they were home, but I would put a desk in to use as an office space when they are not there.

steppemum · 18/08/2021 21:15

it isn't 9 months. More like 6.
and ds has told me he won't visit during term time, just in holidays when he is kicked out of uni accommodation!
(because uni is going to be so much more FUN than home Grin)

ds has dismantled his desk. I will be putting it back up and putting my sewing stuff in there. When he is home I'll move it all out of the way.

Lemonsyellow · 18/08/2021 21:18

My DC shared a room, so the room stayed as it was for their sibling.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/08/2021 21:20

Well mine's deferred for a year but when he goes I'll be moving one of his brothers in there . He's fine with that

Minky719 · 18/08/2021 21:20

@WhatsAppening

I have plans.

The tumble dryer currently lives in the dining room Hmm so that’s going up there. I’m thinking a whole laundry room, with hanging space and even an ironing board.

DH wants to move his office up there (wfh for the foreseeable) as it’s bigger and lighter than the office downstairs, and spread his music stuff out over the office instead.

I’m also considering making it a walk in wardrobe.

DS is appalled and thinks we should stay the fuck out of his room while he’s away HmmGrin

What are your plans?

(Obviously lighthearted before anyone jumps on me, it will still be his bedroom however we repurpose it temporarily).

This made me laugh because when my sister and I moved out our Mum did turn our bedrooms into a walk in wardrobe and a walk in shoe closet.

No hate here though - she has fabulous taste and thankfully a couple of very comfortable sofa beds for when we choose to visit!

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 18/08/2021 21:21

I moved into my boyfriend’s parents house when I was 15, lasted about 18 months. My parents moved house in the interim and no longer had room for me. This was in the 90s so not the dark ages.

I’m very amused by the people who think temporarily using his room for other things equates to anything like that.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 18/08/2021 21:22

Fortunately we were able to leave DS's room as it was. He dropped out of Uni at the end of Yr 1 and was back living at home for 15 months before going to a different Uni to do a different degree. He has returned home for all holidays inspite of living in the same rented room for the lastv3 years (contract was 50 weeks but thankfully didn't have to move his stuff out for the 2 weeks as was renewing the contract). He was home from start of Dec 20 until April 21 due to Covid and as he's now finishing off his Masters dissertation and his contract on his Uni house ended mud July, he's back home again for the foreseeable future. He plans on getting a job linked to his degree away from home but who knows when that will be. In the meantime he'll live here and get any job available locally.

Finknottlesnewt · 18/08/2021 21:22

So fucking middle class MN as ever !!

If you have the money and income to leave it it vacant for your child then go for it ... how lovely !!

If however you are struggling.. and want your child at Uni but struggle for every penny then you do what you have to do .!If that means renting it out ... Airbnb... home office.. them DO IT 'n

DdraigGoch · 18/08/2021 21:25

Turning it into a study is quite a common approach. I'd look for Murphy beds and other space saving contraptions so that turning it back into a bedroom is easy.

ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 18/08/2021 21:27

My DD is doing her Masters Degree this year then hoping to get a job and a mortgage as soon as possible.

The minute she has her own home and somewhere to take ALL of her belongings we will turn her room into a guest room.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 18/08/2021 21:28

@AaronStampler

I was first moved into the smallest bedroom in the house, and then it was turned into a study with a campbed. It certainly incentivised me to find other things to do in the holidays!
Exactly the same for me, and my mum wondered why I didn't come home often 🙄
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 18/08/2021 21:28

He lives quite minimally anyway, his choice, younger DS had a massive room so all the books are in there anyway amd he doesn’t really have ‘stuff’ besides his massive computer which is going with him (he’s doing a related course) so he will leave behind a bed and an empty wardrobe/drawers.

OP posts: