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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked out by someone considerably richer and educated than I am

173 replies

Shariotlion · 18/08/2021 18:15

Name changed for this.. Regular poster don't want this linked back to my other posts..

I work in a hospital, in an Admin role. I support a very executive person within my trust. Our offices are based quite near to theatre. Every day, I see the same consultant, and we exchange smiles and pleasantries.. Today I was sat for lunch in the staff canteen and I saw him, he walked past and said hello and sat at the table opposite me (we're still socially distanced in hospitals) we chatted for a bit then I got up to leave and he did also.. I walked back to my office then ten minutes later I received an email from him saying he enjoyed our chat and would be nice to go for lunch properly. He must've seen my full name on my ID badge.. He's not my usual type, I'm mid 30s and I'd say he was 50+ he has a full head of white hair and is built..
I've been single about a year and have a young daughter, I'm in no rush for a relationship but also don't want a casual thing.. He's been a consultant for 10 years.. I don't know, I suppose I feel like I have imposter syndrome and what would be the point as we probably don't have much in common and are from completing different backgrounds.. Would it even be worth pursuing???

OP posts:
BeeandG · 18/08/2021 21:40

Have lunch. Like someone else said life is short.

MyCatIsAFuckwit · 18/08/2021 21:49

A friend of mine is an end of life consultant. I am a school cook.
You couldn't meet a more honest, friendly, humble and downright lovely lady.
Don't judge a book by it's cover. Judge it by its contents. Good luck OP

toocold54 · 18/08/2021 22:01

I wouldn’t worry about him not having the same interests as you or is married - this can be the same for any man you meet.

The only thing that would put me off is that you work in the same building.
I’d be thinking would it cause problems if it did or didn’t work out - if it won’t cause problems and you find him attractive then go for it!

thingymaboob · 18/08/2021 22:19

I think this sounds quite exciting. Obviously the marriage check first but it's so nice and flattering to be asked out by someone who is an attractive, wealthy, educated man. Google him!

Streamside · 18/08/2021 22:28

While he's high up in the hospital hierarchy he's unlikely to be in the millionaire stakes. Why not just be yourself and have lunch with him, he's not in any way superior to you.

AllTheSunshine · 18/08/2021 22:37

You're 20 years younger than him? Then YOU'RE the catch, not him.

WaterBottle123 · 18/08/2021 22:53

@AllTheSunshine

You're 20 years younger than him? Then YOU'RE the catch, not him.
@AllTheSunshine

Was just scrolling to end of thread to write this! He sounds like a creepy old man.

Hdhdjejdj · 18/08/2021 22:58

Early fifties is not old ffs.

billy1966 · 18/08/2021 23:04

It bloody is when you are in your 30's😁

Don't mess where you eat! Is a great saying.

Hdhdjejdj · 18/08/2021 23:07

It really isn’t. It’s so weird that’s your first take on this situation on a man asking a woman for lunch is that he’s a dirty old man. I know loads of people who met through work too. All perfectly fine and normal.

Newchances · 18/08/2021 23:12

Good luck !

NoProblem123 · 18/08/2021 23:22

It’s only lunch Grin

Itsbeen84yearss · 18/08/2021 23:26

Imposter syndrome? He’s 20 years older than you. Get. A. Grip. He’s probably a shark. If you date him you’re going to have to start straightening your crown and give him a run for his money

justasking111 · 18/08/2021 23:27

As I said to my divorced mother the first time a man asked her out and she was fretting about it.

"It's a lunch not a proposal of marriage"

Lunch in the canteen is fine if he is married someone seeing you together will sooner or later drop a hint to you

JacquelineCarlyle · 19/08/2021 00:04

If you like him, then go for it, it's just lunch.

I agree with those saying you're the catch though if you're in your 30s and he's in his 50s! No way would I have dated someone that old when I was in my 30s (and I'm not saying 50 is old, just that I personally wouldn't have found it attractive especially as my dad was only 20 years older than me so would have been the same age as my dad!)

Good luck!

avamiah · 19/08/2021 00:15

If you don’t want to go out for lunch with him then I will .🤣🤣

I don’t want to sound rude or nasty but OP get a grip, your making out that he is looking for a quick shag when he just asked you for lunch.

Go or don’t go.
It’s your choice .

Don’t make a big thing out of it .

yoyo1234 · 19/08/2021 00:18

Have I missed something, could he just want a nice natter. I frequently (when it wasn't WFH spent coffee breaks/lunch with male work colleagues (they were all I think very happily married/or not married).

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 19/08/2021 00:26

Once youve seen what's under his white coat there's no going back...... Just be prepared for that😂😂😂

BestZebbie · 19/08/2021 00:35

Tbh "attractive older gentleman" does sound like how you might describe a widowed DM's new boyfriend to one of your friends, not your own potential new boyfriend...

Blossomtoes · 19/08/2021 00:40

Have a lovely lunch and see where it goes.

Birminghambloke · 19/08/2021 00:49

Education and money falls into the background when it comes to connection, spark, compatibility, personality.

If you want to meet him, do;
If you’re unsure, don’t.
I’d ensure he’s single!

I would not have dated a man in his 50s when I was in my 30s. Attractive older man doesn’t ring out attractive. He’s either just attractive to you or not.

Paimio · 19/08/2021 00:54

I met my partner at work. He’s 20 years older than me and earns over 10x what I do. He has a degree and I dropped out of high school. We’re very happy. Good luck whatever you decide!

Mamanyt · 19/08/2021 01:00

@Satansballsacks

Have you Googled him? That will normally give you a clue as to his marital status (Instagram or some such - any of my teenagers would be able to find this out in about 30 seconds). Assuming he's not married, and assuming you enjoyed talking to him, I'd say go for it and see what happens. The worst that can happen is that you spend rather a dull hour with a man you don't fancy, and then get on with your life.
Oh, good. I don't have to type all that out! Best answer I've seen so far!
Hellotoallmyfans · 19/08/2021 01:12

I reckon he's married. Do a bit of research first!

SequinsandStiIettos · 19/08/2021 01:26

Send me his deets OP; I am brilliant at cybersleuthing Wink stalking
I reckon he's a divorcee.
As someone said upthread, in anthropological terms, you're equals and unless he's a salt and pepper George Clooneyalike he'd probably be punching above his weight. Enjoy your lunch and there's nowt wrong in preferring fusilli Grin