To think my DS is completely stuffed

[logincard]

my DS has 5 grade 7s and 4 6's at GCSE.

he missed out on acceptance to his grammar school for A level ( by one point) and we now have no place for him to study A levels.

He had a conditional offer from another school. He has the grades, but I found out yesterday that he never actually accepted this offer ….

I have contacted every state and private school in the borough and close by and no one has a space, we have appealed a grade at his grammar school. (But I hold out little hope for that)

What can we do? He has. No space for A levels . And no one has to help us, he’s just on his own ….

@Hemingwaycat

I teach in a college and I’ve never personally heard of a college not doing A-levels. What do they do if they don’t provide level 3 education? I think you need to phone all colleges he can get to which shouldn’t be difficult somewhere as large as London, hardly like you live in the sticks…

Failing that he’ll have to take a gap year as many students do.

There are lots of local colleges that don’t offer A levels. They tend to offer Level 2 & 3 vocational courses such as Btecs and Level 4 HND. Most also offer maths & English GCSE re-sits or Functional Skills.

I'm in another London borough where 6th from provision is almost entirely offered through school 6th forms - yes, of course the most sought-after ones will be full but I'd be very surprised if every single school sixth form is full to bursting. With decent grades like those, I know there would be several who would be pleased to accommodate your DS, even at this late stage, if the timetabling blocks work for him.

Good luck OP, hope it all works out at Richmond. I hear great things about it.

16 year old boys eh? They'd put a few grey hairs on your head. Hopefully you'll be looking back in a few months and laugh. But right now, these things are bloody stressful.

FWIW I went to Richmond and absolutely loved it. I got three A's in biology, chemistry, and maths, and did a latin GCSE for the fun of it. Two of the best years of my life! I'd been at the Ursuline in Wimbledon beforehand though, so it felt like a completely different universe to convent school.

Sorry no time to read the thread, but my DS missed out on Grammar by 1 point, where we live the sixth forms never really know how many students they have until 1st day of term, then it becomes apparent how many spaces are left, in my sons case, he got his place at the grammar by finding out on first day of term, we subsequently then told his back up sixth form he no longer needed the place. It seems you can apply to several, therefore spaces become available. Good luck!

I'm back now. His exam results are a lot better than any of his siblings, but for him they are a massive underachievement. He underachieved because he couldn't be bothered to work hard.

I spoke to (his current) school today ; they have a w/l of 48 kids with a grade average of 9. He did not make the grades, he's out. He knew what the requirements were ...and did not work hard enough. There are a whole stack of others who tried really hard who deserve the chance more than he does. Its gutting when you see you child throw away a great opportunity, but in the end you cannot make them work.

He had a perfectly good back up plan, but he stuffed it up. I have asked myself a million times if there was some psychology in this, that he didn't really want to go there - but he swears not.
We have several applications in the pipeline. we will wait and see. Richmond College is an option but it will take quite a while to get there and if something closer comes up it might be a better option.
All I want, all I imagine any parent wants, is for their child to be happy, and to be able to do what they want to.
This last week has been really, really stressful, upsetting and full of self recrimination, tears and distress. I am really grateful to everyone who offered kind advice and help ... and to those who didn't judge.

I really feel for you @logincard, I can feel the stress in your posts. There is one positive in this - your son has learnt a huge life lesson. Hopefully it sticks.

Just read your update OP.
Firstly ignore the sneering of leaving him to accept the offer. My ds insisted he wanted to do it, kept saying he would get round to it but he hadn't decided between two colleges so wanted to wait (I told him to just bloody accept both).
Anyway, he did do it eventually although I think it was to stop me nagging!
The last year has been hard for Yr 11 with disruption and I think some kids did drop off, thats no consolation for you but he isn't the only one.
He got all passes by the looks of it but understand you are gutted he could have done better.
I hope he gets sorted, teenage boys drive us to distraction

@logincard you sound like a lovely person and a great parent.

I really empathise with your frustrations, it's such a difficult age to parent, sorry you've had a tough week, it's so stressful to be in these situations.

It seems like he'll now pivot to something a little different but equally exciting.

Good luck for the future, he's a lucky lad to have your support.

Glad it looks like your ds really does have plenty of options - my understanding of 9-1 grading suggests that he's passed all his GCSEs at Grade B which is great. If he knows he could have done better if he worked harder this might be a really good time to learn it before he starts A levels. Most of his GCSE course studies will have been affected by the pandemic. My sons are younger than yours but I've noticed that DS1 particularly has really struggled with motivation. Do you think he's the sort of student who does better in exams than assessment based grades?

I was convinced my ds hadn’t accepted his offer when I realised we weren’t getting emails but I think it was an administrative error! But really doesn’t help that they sometimes communicate only with him, my ds is incredibly disorganised and struggles so much more than eg teen dd. I hope your ds is happy where he ends up, sounds very similar to mine!

Thanks for updating I think it will work itself out.

Agree with other posters it would be highly preferable for parents to be able to do the important admin! Most 16 year olds would be perfectly capable but I wouldn’t have trusted my 16 to self.

His gcses may not be stellar but they’re very good in a wider context. He has plenty of time to pull his socks up and do very well in his a-levels after which his gcse results will barely matter.

[quote bendmeoverbackwards]@user1497207191 you're extrapolating quite a lot. The OP's ds is clearly bright and has achieved brilliant grades. Schools should apply a more holistic approach when deciding who is 'suitable' for A Level study and who isn't.[/quote]
Not really. A levels aren’t holistic - they are often exam-based, as well as literacy and recall-heavy even in humanities/arts/coursework subjects. They are not meant to be holistic, they are meant to provide unis with a way to rank academic potential. They absolutely should do that, bc if you want a holistic approach, there are many alternative pathways which will provide that!

Exactly. It might sound harsh, but A Levels aren’t meant to be inclusive of everyone.

@logincard
I have no relevant advice re the schools but just wanted to say you come across as an excellent mum doing her best. I know things are very stressful right now so it’s not the focus, but the bigger picture is that your son has done really well in his exams and will likely have a lot of opportunities in the future regardless of what school he ends up in.

@logincard

I'm back now. His exam results are a lot better than any of his siblings, but for him they are a massive underachievement. He underachieved because he couldn't be bothered to work hard.

I spoke to (his current) school today ; they have a w/l of 48 kids with a grade average of 9. He did not make the grades, he's out. He knew what the requirements were ...and did not work hard enough. There are a whole stack of others who tried really hard who deserve the chance more than he does. Its gutting when you see you child throw away a great opportunity, but in the end you cannot make them work.

He had a perfectly good back up plan, but he stuffed it up. I have asked myself a million times if there was some psychology in this, that he didn't really want to go there - but he swears not.
We have several applications in the pipeline. we will wait and see. Richmond College is an option but it will take quite a while to get there and if something closer comes up it might be a better option.
All I want, all I imagine any parent wants, is for their child to be happy, and to be able to do what they want to.
This last week has been really, really stressful, upsetting and full of self recrimination, tears and distress. I am really grateful to everyone who offered kind advice and help ... and to those who didn't judge.

Good luck to you and your son OP. I haven't read the thread as I just found it far too depressing. Within 2 or three posts there comes along some twat blaming you for it and within 2 pages it's a post full of "told you so's and you should have done's" which I just can't stand in life. Where on earth does that get anyone I'll never know.

It is an odd trait that people have and should be ignored completely.

Good luck to your son, I am convinced things happen to us for a reason and things are mean't to be. In my life I have looked back on things and always thought it worked out right in the end and what was mean't for me found me. I know it has obviously been very stressful, I can hear that in your post but what's done is done, look for the positives, move on and I am sure he will do well x

@logincard

He didn't struggle academically, he struggled with his attitude. He didn't work hard enough and expected to sail though.

This stuck out for me. Does he recognise that his GCSE results reflect the amount of effort he put in? This has to be the thing he takes away from all of this.

A levels will be hard work from the start. I dont know with other subjects but with STEM courses each lesson is a building block towards good grades. Miss a lesson and you are missing a building block. If that lesson was one of the foundation stones then the whole edifice above is weaker.

All three of my DCs are STEM people with both DDs being in branches of Chemistry. Both DDs say that while Chemistry is the subject they love they both say it is the subject they find the hardest.

Best wishes to your DS. I hope that the lesson of working hard is learned.

@Hemingwaycat

I teach in a college and I’ve never personally heard of a college not doing A-levels. What do they do if they don’t provide level 3 education? I think you need to phone all colleges he can get to which shouldn’t be difficult somewhere as large as London, hardly like you live in the sticks…

Failing that he’ll have to take a gap year as many students do.

Surely you know that A levels are not the only Level 3 qualifications?

access to higher education diploma
advanced apprenticeship
applied general
AS level
international Baccalaureate diploma
level 3 award
level 3 certificate
level 3 diploma
level 3 ESOL
level 3 national certificate
level 3 national diploma
level 3 NVQ
music grades 6, 7 and 8
tech level

Good luck OP, it sounds like your son's current school is a really tough one! My son is at grammar and they were required to get an average of 5.5 with a 6 or 7 in the A Level subjects (depending which subject). Your son would have been fine with his grades at my son's school!

Your son has good GCSE grades, what a shame he is going through this. Were they a surprise? I must admit we had no back up plan for 6th form for my son but we were fairly sure he'd get the grades.

I hope you get something sorted. I think if he is on some waiting lists something will come up, maybe once term has started as other students drop.out or change their subject choices?

Hopefully it will all work out in the end and will be for the best? Perhaps he will do better in a less pressured environment. It's so hard to know, we all just want what's best for our kids eh.

You sound like a super caring mum, ignore the meanos on this thread, let us know how you get on.

I read this thread open mouthed at some of the comments.
I would say that him realising at GCSE results time that he has to work to get the grades in far better than A level results time. And if nothing else, he will take the whole UCAS process seriously.

And I also think, to be fair to your son, that this year's cohort didn't have the collective experience of exam taking and the whole peer thing of revising for exams. The rules weren't clear, the focus may have wandered. However he was assessed, his school may have been harsher, who knows? Focus back on his innate abilities and interests. Whatever he was wanting to do, he still can.

@logincard Did he get sorted out with a place that works for him?