To think my DS is completely stuffed

[logincard]

my DS has 5 grade 7s and 4 6's at GCSE.

he missed out on acceptance to his grammar school for A level ( by one point) and we now have no place for him to study A levels.

He had a conditional offer from another school. He has the grades, but I found out yesterday that he never actually accepted this offer ….

I have contacted every state and private school in the borough and close by and no one has a space, we have appealed a grade at his grammar school. (But I hold out little hope for that)

What can we do? He has. No space for A levels . And no one has to help us, he’s just on his own ….

@Dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby

They have no more moral responsibility to accept someone who has not met the entry requirements than a university or employer would.

Year 11 DC at grammars are well aware of the sixth form entry requirements and the majority work hard and put in effort to meet them.

Equally, there are a huge number of external applicants who want to get into the grammar sixth forms. Many of whom put in hundreds of hours of revision and work to get the grades to get there.

Why should coasting internal students who are not putting in maximum effort get the place instead?

@gulliblestravels

My child applied to a state grammar and they would not communicate with parents at all: she made the application (was 15yo at that date), we were not invited to the open evening, the offer letter and all chasing comms were to her without us even being copied in. So, OP, I commiserate.

Oh god yes! Mine got her GCSEs emailed to her - could we have a copy - nope would I collect? Nope.

If it helps make you feel better and I promise this isn’t a brag but my eldest sat some early and did all the locked papers alongside year 11 etc and collected the results and said ‘is level 9 good’ 🙄😱🤷‍♀️Sometimes I swear the common sense chip isn’t inserted.

Some of the people least equipped to deal with life are the ones that in paper score so highly 🤷‍♀️

My sister an eminent heart surgeon called the rac out 14 times in one year mainly because she had lost her keys, run out of petrol or even once because she couldn’t remember where she parked the car (she got the bus). She can’t function in life without her long suffering DH who does everything. So yes I entirely agree that not sitting over them to press the button and expecting it ffs to do done by a 16 year is entirely reasonable. And this is why we are called hover parents but if we didn’t hover stuff wouldn’t get done. I don’t know the answer let them screw up is the cry of many, let the sort it but actually it’s not that easy is it?? Easy if it is not your kids and easy if you don’t have to pick up the pieces

hope Richmond college works out for you but just wanted to suggest southborough boys school, they have a fab 6th form and get some really good results at a levels.

Since when have 16yos had to sort this themselves?"

No parents were involved in A Level application for me or any of my friends, so probably not a new thing. There were no parents at my school on results day when I collected my results, nor were there any at enrolment either. The school I work in also does not have parents in on results day (obviously things have been v different for the past two results days!).
Very, very few internal continuers come with a parent to enrolment, but a larger number of external applicants are accompanied.

I currently teach in sixth form college and previously in FE. Your son is very typical pupil even before the pandemic which Infirmly believe has slowed some kid's ability to mature as they haven't had the life experiences they normally would have had. They are not fully mature for years yet and do and continue to make shockingly poor choices which drive those around them potty, it's what makes teaching teenager's so challenging yet rewarding. They're full of so much potential though.

This muddle of his own making may turn out to be a blessing if he learns from it. So sorry you are going through so much stress and unhelpfulness here in what is supposed to be supportive forum aimed at mums.

Many students end up somewhere they didn't particularly choose or on courses they don't subsequently enjoy. He's young, there's time for him to even do a year of A levels in Richmond and move to a different school, college, set of qualifications. Everything always turns out okay in the end even if it takes some surprising and stressful turns along the way.

You're doing a grand job parenting a teenager, it's a bit like herding cats! They do seem to grow some sense about 22 or 23 though. Hopefully this will in time be one of those funny stories to tease him about in a few years when he's got to where he wants to be after schooling done.

@YouJustDoYou

Aren't you supposed to still be in education/training until 18?

No. 16 in the UK.

No. 18 in the UK.

OP, I don't think you're responsible for this. If there was a big accept/decline at the bottom of the email & all he had to do was respond, your son clearly wasn't bothered and you should let him take a more active role in resolving this.

Every other 16 year old managed to press accept.

We all make mistakes, but he should be fixing this with your help, not the other way around.

As his current school gave him his grades this year (which are likely a little more generous than normal) - I would guess they are not going to bend over backwards to accommodate him. You say his attitude to school work has not been the best and good oversubscribed schools, private, grammar and state, use this transition point to get rid of some pupils at Year 11 and bring in new ones with higher grades and stand firmly to their admission grade offers with new leeway for pupils they have taught for 5 years who did not get the grades.

Many 6th forms are over-subscribed this year because - I believe - those who just got their A level grades have been permitted to stay and repeat Year 13 if they want to.

I hope you get something sorted. I can imagine how desperate you feel. It's easy as a third party to say let your son suffer for his mistake and lack of commitment but not so easy a thing to do when you are his mother. How does your son feel about it now?

The school wanted HIS email address. I saw the conditional offer with a button at the bottom 'accept / decline'. When I saw the letter sent to him I asked if he had accepted, He said yes,. I asked him at least 5 times if he was certain ( over the next two weeks)

I know you did OP, but on here it swings wildly between "Their brains don't mature until 25" and "He's practically an adult, how dare you interfere" - so you'd have been wrong no matter what you'd done

Happily helpful posters have offered lots of good ideas already, so the best of luck with it and hope it all works out

DD1 still isn't 16 - she's done all the application bit - with us there if she needed help and prodding to apply/accept - exactly like the OP .

Though her FE college has made it clear if they didn't get the grades talk to them as there are options.

I'm glad you found something OP - hope you get offered a place.

In Wales they still let then leave at 16 - so the 18 bit doesn't apply to whole of the UK.

I'm wondering if the posters talking about BTECs are awear they are looking likely to go from England by 2023 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/4311626-Gav-scraps-level-3-BTECs-in-an-act-of-educational-vandalism

I'm glad Wales has kept the As -levels - one of her science A-levels one she's most keen on taking further has a B GCSE grade despite them talking abou A* most the course - so if it doesn't suit her she can drop or take an extra year to change direction with all of them.

@logincard good luck for your DS and glad he's got Richmond College as an option.

CAn't believe some of the ill-informed advice and comments on this thread. If you don't understand about super-selective grammar schools in London boroughs don't comment!

It does raise some interesting questions though about parental rights and responsibilities…
E.g some children in this year group won’t turn 16 until 32 Aug, so 25 year olds are supposed to be in charge of their own decision making and admin and parents can be legally locked out of this?

31 Aug!!

That’s us told @NewModelArmyMayhem18

*my sister an eminent heart surgeon called the rac out 14 times in one year"

I know this is off-topic, but the AA had a fair use policy which means you can only call them out 5 times a year. The RAC is very generous (or charged her a lot extra!)

As for applications to sixth forms, ds applied to two, and in both cases a parent (me for one, his dad for the other) was copied into all email communications.

These both resonate so much with me as someone going through similar now:

half teenager and half toddler!

I've been there with the A-Level thing - double checking it's what they wanted etc., you can only go on what they say to you.

so, so true. So glad you've got a plan and options now OP. Such a stressful time and I really, really sympathise. It's fine to say elitism, they are fine results, it will all work out fine, he will be fine etc and we all know that, intellectually, but we have one job which is to help our kids be as happy as possible and not make dumb mistakes, though of course we all know some mistakes are crucial along the way to learn and mature. So, so hard though and, like you, I constantly worry and feel guilty. Plans afoot though and it will all be fine - ignore the people that like to put the boot in.

@Angryfrommanchester1

Will the grammar not accept him on the condition he resits a subject ? Where I live many students accepted multiple college / 6th form places pending results, these places are now freed once the results are confirmed. Isn’t this an option where you live?

I would stay in contact with his grammar school in case someone doesn't take up a place, as well as looking at Colleges.

Everyone makes a silly mistake here or there, as long as he learns from this, to do crucial stuff at the right time.

If it’s any consolation, my DD got a snotty rejection email from her local heavily over-subscribed sixth-form college, (she applied within 8 days of the application opening as they said they got early-bird application interviews done early, she waited and waited to hear about an interview (never happened) and they left it till well after applications closed to reject her).

It’s one of the top performing state sixth-form colleges in the country so they must be Uber-picky, but they were so abrupt with her that she’s happy to go going somewhere else further afield with her grade 8 and 9s! (Proud Mum boast!).

Why not look at an apprenticeship as an alternative? Level 3 so equivalent to a levels. He has good grades so why not look at a professional apprenticeship in engineering, transport, IT etc?you’ll most likely get is degree paid for too then

Can you not consider college for BTEC level three (equivalent to 3 a levels) then a foundation degree etc. That’s what my DD is doing.

@Hdhdjejdj sorry but it needed to be said.

OP, I reckon this could turn out to be the making of your DS in being a 'wake-up call'. Good luck to him.

Fair enough @NewModelArmyMayhem18 From an outsider’s point of view it doesn’t seem very appealing.

What a nightmare. I hope you get something sorted for him

Glad you've got it sorted OP. This may just be the 'kick up the backside' he needed - like many boys, who rely on their parents' PA skills to make sure they don't miss anything. I would think it will provide him with a sharp lesson on personal responsibility.