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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should get up with his kids?

134 replies

Julianne82xoxo · 17/08/2021 08:58

Reporting to you live from bed!

DP hates mornings. Hates them. Would happily stay in bed all morning if he could and is very grumpy for about half an hour to an hour after getting up most days. We have agreed to disagree on whether or not this is reasonable.

He has three kids from a previous relationship who are 5,7 and 8. They are here longer than the usual arrangement over the holidays and are staying for for ten days on this occasion. He is on holiday from work and I am still working. They are up and awake and have made themselves cereal. Currently playing and knocking/coming into the room clearly bored and looking for us to get up.

Yesterday I had my second jab and was feeling quite unwell last night so my manager told me not to rush into work today. I am now awake, bit groggy but generally in the position that I feel I need to get up for work, but know I will be bombarded with questions and all sorts from the kids who want company.

I think DP should get up, even though he hates mornings, so I can get ready and go to work without tripping over the kids. His argument would be that I can just ignore them if I want to, and that they're perfectly happy and able to entertain themselves until he's ready to get up. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 17/08/2021 10:15

Jesus. Yet ANOTHER lazy dad who won’t get up with his children. And sadly another stepmum who is left to paper over the cracks of his shit parenting.

Davros · 17/08/2021 10:16

@LeonieSims

I think they are old enough to play by themselves. Me and my younger brother and sister often would if mum wasn't up. Play with toys, use imagination, or just watch some TV, play playstation, make a den.
This is likely to be EVERY day EVERY time they stay, not just now and then
JADS · 17/08/2021 10:16

If they are mithering you, he needs to get up they are clearly bored.

My 2 are nearly 6 and 10 and make their own breakfast and have been for the last year on school days. Is that really unusual?

Therealjudgejudy · 17/08/2021 10:17

Dont have any kids with this lazy excuse of a father...your life would be hell

MargosKaftan · 17/08/2021 10:24

He is lazy. He is a bad father.

His children at that age need supervision and breakfast made for them. He needs to stop ignoring them in the hope you will be the parent for him. I guess he thinks children are a woman's job.

Do not have more children with a man who has shown he is a bad father to the ones he's got already. (And dont come back with an explanation that he's not a bad father because when he can be when it suits him, children are not just a PM thing.)

If he can't be arsed being a parent, he needs to hire a morning nanny. Or is that what he's with you for?

Jasmine11 · 17/08/2021 10:25

No-one likes mornings, but if your DP has such a strong reaction to them he needs to start going to bed earlier/stop drinking/sort out his diet etc. Why did he have 3 children if he can't look after them?

funinthesun19 · 17/08/2021 10:34

If he won’t start getting up with them, then really should the children even be there overnight at all?
I never understand why overnights should carry on when the father’s quality of care is shit.

Op, does the ex know he doesn’t get up with his children?

HarrisMcCoo · 17/08/2021 10:34

He should be up taking kids out and about on a beautiful morning. Off to beach or park. His needs are not paramount. Kids come first.

Livpool · 17/08/2021 10:40

I don't like getting up in the morning either and weekends pre-DS I could happily laze in bed til 12.

But it's tough shit really isn't it - he needs to get up

foolonthehill · 17/08/2021 10:40

hahahaha.....lazy and entitled behavious

my grandfather was not a morning person. He used to get up 2 hours before the rest of the house so that he could bear to be pleasant to his children and wife and had his "me time".

That is preper parenting, consideration and kindness (even though in many ways he was a dinosaur and quite selfish!!!) and this was in the 1940-50s

toocold54 · 17/08/2021 10:44

YANBU I am not a morning person either and have to wake up an hour earlier every morning just so I can’t sit and wake up properly before I start getting ready.

They are his kids so he needs to get up but as RogersVideo said there’s nothing wrong with them entertaining themselves in the mornings if they are capable of doing so.

Steelesauce · 17/08/2021 10:46

Just me who stayed in bed until 9 with kids aged 3, 5 and 9 then 🤣 in my defence, they didn't get up themselves until 8.20 and I chucked ipads at them until I roused. We rarely have a day where we don't need to be up and I'm under a lot of work pressure right now so I needed the lie in. I made them breakfast when I got up. I think age 5 is fine to entertain themselves for an hour or 2. He does need to be up though now as they're getting bored.

VorpalSword · 17/08/2021 10:47

@HarrisMcCoo

He should be up taking kids out and about on a beautiful morning. Off to beach or park. His needs are not paramount. Kids come first.
Beautiful morning? It is pissing down with rain here. The weather varies quite a bit over the country!
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2021 10:54

Have you made the point to him that if he can grow up enough to be civil to his boss - who presumably matters to him - he can do the same for his partner and his actual kids, who he chose to bring into the world and is obliged to care for.

I’m not a morning person. I have a two year old so that’s just tough shit for me.

If he needs half an hour to be polite he can get up half an hour earlier than usual to do so.

Stop enabling him.

Goldbar · 17/08/2021 11:03

I wonder if his ex ever got the choice as to whether to be a morning person or not?

Nowthisisme · 17/08/2021 11:03

I’m a stepmum too and I’m a huge fan of the expression ‘ask your dad’. Make that your morning mantra when the kids try to get you to do stuff because their dad hasn’t learned how to do the basic adult task of getting up in the morning.

billy1966 · 17/08/2021 11:04

What a waster you have there.

Your standards must be so low and you must be utterly desperate for ANY man to think this is acceptable.

Shit dad, shit partner.

His ex must be thrilled to see the back of him and you were the next MUG to buy into his bullshit.

Utter waster.

Raise your bar, he has lined you up as a skivvy/au pair🙄

sociallydistained · 17/08/2021 11:06

This is terrible. I would not accept this at all. He would be getting up and attending to their needs every single morning, you shouldn’t even need to worry. What’s worse is he only has to do this for a short while as they don’t live their full time so what’s his excuse?!

phishy · 17/08/2021 11:06

Wow you changed your tune quite quickly, OP Hmm

You are in denial it seems and would prefer to be a martyr.

loulous1985 · 17/08/2021 11:08

@funinthesun19

If he won’t start getting up with them, then really should the children even be there overnight at all? I never understand why overnights should carry on when the father’s quality of care is shit.

Op, does the ex know he doesn’t get up with his children?

Agreed. There'd be no overnight stays here either if he didn't get up with or parent his kids
Sunshineandflipflops · 17/08/2021 11:09

I am a morning person (ask me to stay up later than 11 and I might kill you though) but even i wasn't enthralled at getting up at 5am with my kids for years when they were younger. But guess what? I chose to have them so I did, and so did their dad. A travel cot in our bedroom and peppa pig on the ipad was sometimes used, admittedly when a run of 5am starts was getting too much, but if they were up, we were up (or one of us anyway).

Unless there us a medical reason why he can't get up at a reasonable time with is own children (and anything is a reasonable time when you have young kids as you have no choice) then he is being very lazy and childish so you actually have 4 children to be responsible for, not 3...none of which are your own.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 17/08/2021 11:25

9am is a lie in if you have a 5yo.

What time is he going to bed? I hope he's not up all night on a games console because he's on holiday?

AllTheSingleLadiess · 17/08/2021 11:26

If he's grumpy for the first half hour after he wakes he really should aim to get up before the kids so his grumpy time is over before they wake up. He's lucky to have older ones who are looking after the youngest until he gets up.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 17/08/2021 11:32

Why on earth are you with this turd?

putthebinsout · 17/08/2021 11:34

If you hate mornings that much then dont have children! What did he do when they were tiny? Did his ex do everything or did he manage to function?

He's being shit. You can't just opt out of mornings when you have children