Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should get up with his kids?

134 replies

Julianne82xoxo · 17/08/2021 08:58

Reporting to you live from bed!

DP hates mornings. Hates them. Would happily stay in bed all morning if he could and is very grumpy for about half an hour to an hour after getting up most days. We have agreed to disagree on whether or not this is reasonable.

He has three kids from a previous relationship who are 5,7 and 8. They are here longer than the usual arrangement over the holidays and are staying for for ten days on this occasion. He is on holiday from work and I am still working. They are up and awake and have made themselves cereal. Currently playing and knocking/coming into the room clearly bored and looking for us to get up.

Yesterday I had my second jab and was feeling quite unwell last night so my manager told me not to rush into work today. I am now awake, bit groggy but generally in the position that I feel I need to get up for work, but know I will be bombarded with questions and all sorts from the kids who want company.

I think DP should get up, even though he hates mornings, so I can get ready and go to work without tripping over the kids. His argument would be that I can just ignore them if I want to, and that they're perfectly happy and able to entertain themselves until he's ready to get up. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LeonieSims · 17/08/2021 09:16

Sorry, sent too soon.

They are his responsibility though, and he shouldn't leave them for too long. As someone else said, can't he just go to the sofa instead?

FeatheredHope · 17/08/2021 09:17

Yep. He’s a lazy, selfish arse. And a shit dad to boot.

Sprogonthetyne · 17/08/2021 09:18

He's ready had a lie in, it's 9am. I imagine the kids have been up a couple of hours already so no wonder their bord, that alone is pretty poor parenting of a 5yo. I couldn't get up and continue to ignore them, when they're lonely and have already been ignored all morning, that's just cruel, but neither is it your job to entertain them, especially when you need to get to work. He 100% needs to get his arse out of bed and look after his kids. I'd also be a little concerned about how long he normally leaves them unsupervised for when you're not there to see/ poke him, as it's really not appropriate to leave young children for hours.

MrsPumpkinSeed · 17/08/2021 09:18

Well I wouldn't have taken on a man and 3 small children in the first place. I can't believe the youngest is only five and no one is getting up to him (his father!!!)

Ledkr · 17/08/2021 09:19

"he hates mornings"
Who doesn't at times ffs. It's about self discipline and adult behaviour.
Those poor kids, I've been known to have a slow morning and leave mine watching TV for an hour while I snooze bur kids want parents up and interacting with them and making their holiday enjoyable.
I'd be furious if my ex behaved like this when he had my children. Angry

Reallybadidea · 17/08/2021 09:19

Fgs do not have kids with him! You'll be up on your own with them (and his kids) every morning.

DancesWithTortoises · 17/08/2021 09:20

He is a lazy cunt and you enable him.

ButteringMyArse · 17/08/2021 09:21

@LeonieSims

I think they are old enough to play by themselves. Me and my younger brother and sister often would if mum wasn't up. Play with toys, use imagination, or just watch some TV, play playstation, make a den.
The OP is posting at just shy of 9am, so in all probability they have been doing that for a while. I can see the argument for them going and entertaining themselves for a bit if it's early and the 8 year old making sure everyone's had a banana and a drink or whatever. But it's 9am not 7am and DP is still in bed. It's not reasonable to expect a 5 year old to be contained in that way for hours.
Poshishchap · 17/08/2021 09:23

'He hates mornings' - don't we all. And wouldn't it be nice to have someone to look after your kids as well! He's a lazy arse. Refuse to look after HIS kids. Don't let him get away with this, he is being unreasonable

SkinnyMirror · 17/08/2021 09:24

He isn't a lazy cunt or anything like that.

He really is. He's selfish too.

Di11y · 17/08/2021 09:24

He needs to wake up in bed for a bit, get the grump out the way and get up with a smile. I presume it doesn't make much of a difference if he's awake at 7/8/9 still grumpy for the first hour. So he wakes at 7 and keeps his grump to himself.

PS I don't do well in the mornings so we do TV for the first hour of the day on holidays and weekends while I nurse a tea.

gannett · 17/08/2021 09:25

His argument would be that I can just ignore them if I want to, and that they're perfectly happy and able to entertain themselves until he's ready to get up.

Isn't this true though?

I've stayed at friends' houses with kids around that age. I'm an early riser so often up and about before any other adults. Sometimes their children will be awake. I ignore them and they seem happy playing by themselves.

"Aunty OP is busy and can't talk or play, run along now." Repeat until they get it. They will survive without attention and it's not your job to provide it anyway.

girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 09:25

There are some real man haters on here this morning aren't there Grin

OP you're right. They're his kids and he's off work. We all hate mornings but if he can get up for work he can get up and look after his children!

Maybe him planning some days out that they'll look forward to will give him some motivation to get up and out?

EL8888 · 17/08/2021 09:26

I hate mornings and lm not a morning person, lots of people aren’t. Difference is l had the sense to not have 3 children. I’m guessing he outsourced the morning donkey work to his ex and now he’s trying to do it to you? He is a lazy cunt and he needs to get up

idontknowwhyibother · 17/08/2021 09:26

Your enabling his lazy behaviour. Why don't you say "their your kids, get up or don't have them over night?"
I don't understand why your allowing it.

SkinnyMirror · 17/08/2021 09:28

There are some real man haters on here this morning aren't there

What now? I see no man hating here. The anger is because he's lazy and selfish not because he's a man. 🙄

Clymene · 17/08/2021 09:29

Yep, lazy cunt. No wonder his last relationship broke up.

Don't ever have children with him!

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 17/08/2021 09:30

Not man-hating, just shit-parent hating.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/08/2021 09:30

I can't stand people leaving young children to get up and make their own breakfasts whilst mum or dad lie in for hours. It's so bloody lazy and selfish. If your 5 year old is up and its past 7am, you bloody need to get up with them, 5 is too young to roam around the house unsupervised.

ButteringMyArse · 17/08/2021 09:30

Isn't this true though?

It's evidently not true that they're perfectly happy entertaining themselves if they're knocking on the bedroom door and mithering, no. You're blurring able to and happy to here. If they were fine with it, they wouldn't be attempting to change the situation. So he's wrong about that. If he just means they'll be unhappy but able to survive until he can be arsed dragging his carcass out of bed, he should say that and be clear about the distinction.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/08/2021 09:31

Ps OP I mean obv their actual
father needs to get up with them. Not you

Alltimeblow · 17/08/2021 09:31

Most people don't like mornings, but you grin and bear it when you've got kids. I'd probably leave them to amuse themselves for an hour max if I was really struggling to get up. But when they come knocking on your door looking for their parent to come and play, then the parent should definitely get up. I wouldn't be impressed with this happening all the time.

Hercisback · 17/08/2021 09:32

He can help it. He's just an arse.

Poshishchap · 17/08/2021 09:32

"There are some real man haters on here this morning aren't there"

I'm a man, the OPs DP is simply a lazy arsehole. I don't hate men, just can't stand lazy arseholes

MiddleParking · 17/08/2021 09:32

You lose the option to be grumpy and not get up in the morning when you have three kids and a live in partner, especially one who isn’t their other parent. Honestly, where do these men get off?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread