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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think liking pictures of half naked/bikini models is cheating?

154 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 16/08/2021 14:27

Or at least shady behaviour? My sister is in a newish relationship of about 6 months and they briefly split due to trust issues and she finds it hard to stand up for herself. I don't want to say anything if it isn't that big a deal, but its almost every bikini model or half naked influencer's pictures that he likes and type of people he follows. And it leaves a bad taste in my mouth because the last thing I want is the person I care about to get hurt. She doesn't know he does this as she doesn't have social media but I follow him on Instagram and I don't really want to get involved. WWYD? Or is it harmless?

OP posts:
Opaljewel · 16/08/2021 15:17

Yes well I like topless photos of Sam Heughan on Instagram. So no I don't think it's cheating. Sorry. And I aren't a sleazeball. But my god I love outlander! Grin

Opaljewel · 16/08/2021 15:18

And my partner knows I do. No I don't go out of my way to do so. But I'm starting to think explore on I.G knows I'm obsessed with outlander!

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 16/08/2021 15:22

@WorraLiberty

When you're in a relationship yourself OP, are you still as invested in your sister's?
If invested means coming across something that I think she wouldn't like that I am sure he hides from her then call me invested... I didn't go out of my way to look for anything, just started seeing it on my own feed and wondering if it's worth saying anything. Haven't brought it up to anyone nor did I have any real plans to. Just curious as I know she wouldn't like it and has been hurt by this guy in the past with not being totally upfront with things.
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2021 15:24

@Lanique

I'm entitled to think that reading this thread is making me feel particularly uncool Worra.
Of course but unless you're very new to Mumsnet, you'll know 'cool girlfriends' is a put down, often used to try and silence confident mature women who don't tend to get anxious about these things.
LionGiraffe · 16/08/2021 15:26

@Kitfish

At the risk of being very unpopular, I'm with the OP. But I go with this definition of cheating: "Anything you wouldn't comfortably do in front of your partner is adultery."

Anyone agree?

I wouldn’t comfortably eat a bag of pork scratchings in front of my partner. Is that cheating?
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2021 15:27

@Kitfish

At the risk of being very unpopular, I'm with the OP. But I go with this definition of cheating: "Anything you wouldn't comfortably do in front of your partner is adultery."

Anyone agree?

I don't feel comfortable taking a shit in front of him, so no Wink
frogface69 · 16/08/2021 15:29
Biscuit I hate the school holidays
Potteringshed · 16/08/2021 15:30

@Kitfish

At the risk of being very unpopular, I'm with the OP. But I go with this definition of cheating: "Anything you wouldn't comfortably do in front of your partner is adultery."

Anyone agree?

I think if your partner is so insecure that you don't feel able to hit a "like" button on a celebrity/influencer/model pic while they are about, then your partner has some serious issues and you have a very different set of problems in your relationship.
WhatMattersMost · 16/08/2021 15:31

I don't think it's cheating, but it is immature.

Janaih · 16/08/2021 15:33

I wouldn't be with someone who frequently liked scantily clad sexually suggestive photos of other people on social media. It's not cheating but it's sleazy and embarrassing.

LeonieSims · 16/08/2021 15:34

Yes. Liking is better than saving it for later.

Liking it probably means they are more likely to be able to find it for later... Grin

LeonieSims · 16/08/2021 15:35

I think if your partner is so insecure that you don't feel able to hit a "like" button on a celebrity/influencer/model pic while they are about ..

Even if they were fine with it, I still wouldn't because I think it's disrespectful, even more so if you're with them at the time.

StarDrawers · 16/08/2021 15:37

@LeonieSims

Yes. Liking is better than saving it for later.

Liking it probably means they are more likely to be able to find it for later... Grin

I thought you had to save it to find it later. Showd how little I use it.
LeonieSims · 16/08/2021 15:37

I think if your partner is so insecure that you don't feel able to hit a "like" button on a celebrity/influencer/model pic while they are about ..

If there was a public way to "like ❤️" a woman's body while walking down the street, surely your partner wouldn't do that around you!? Why is it different because it's online

Whyo · 16/08/2021 15:38

Looking is fine human beings look at attractive human beings.

Liking is different for me as it’s a public showing of, well, like. If it’s just influencers/models that’s a different bag to say, liking an ex. It would be a deal breaker for me though, not because I think it’s cheating, but because I’d find it fucking cringe going out with the type of guy that likes influencer/model pics on Insta.

5128gap · 16/08/2021 15:40

I think a lot of people are being a bit awkward and pedantic with you, because you used the word cheating, when as you clarified later, you mean is it a bit shady/red flag kind of thing that you should tell your sister about. In your position I would mention it, yes. While it's not technically 'wrong', to me it does say something about the type of man he is. There's one thing appreciating attractive women as, yes, most men do, but to deliberately seek out underwear pictures of them, is a different level, and a lot of women wouldn't be keen. I'd tell your sister and let her decide if it's for her or not.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 16/08/2021 15:46

@5128gap

I think a lot of people are being a bit awkward and pedantic with you, because you used the word cheating, when as you clarified later, you mean is it a bit shady/red flag kind of thing that you should tell your sister about. In your position I would mention it, yes. While it's not technically 'wrong', to me it does say something about the type of man he is. There's one thing appreciating attractive women as, yes, most men do, but to deliberately seek out underwear pictures of them, is a different level, and a lot of women wouldn't be keen. I'd tell your sister and let her decide if it's for her or not.
Thank you, I shouldn't have jumped straight to cheating but hey I get why Mumsnet doesn't allow for editing comments ah... Yeah I think it's not very nice, it's something I know he would hide from her 100%.
OP posts:
Lanique · 16/08/2021 15:48

Worra well let's hope these confident mature women won't have problems coping with my humble uncool opinion then!

Sirzy · 16/08/2021 15:49

I liked a photo of some rugby players last week. I don’t think I am cheating on my partner with them.

Caffeinemonster · 16/08/2021 15:49

its all practically half naked women/models

What does this even mean? Wearing underwear or bikinis? I’ve spent the week wearing a bikini. My FIL has even been speaking to me whilst I’ve been in a bikini. And BIL. Not sure that makes them cheaters.

girlmom21 · 16/08/2021 15:56

I think if your partner is so insecure that you don't feel able to hit a "like" button on a celebrity/influencer/model pic while they are about, then your partner has some serious issues and you have a very different set of problems in your relationship.

I think if you're 'liking' pictures of other people in their underwear when you're supposed to be in a committed relationship you have some serious issues and problems in your relationship.

I wouldn't not 'like' those picture because my partner was upset by it.
I wouldn't 'like' them because I think they're sleazy.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 16/08/2021 15:59

I've liked loads of photos of Cody Rigsby swanning about the beach in a pair of microscopic swim trunks recently. Does that mean I'm cheating on DH?! Does it not count because he's gay? I have questions...

DH is very in to Peloton and follows a load of the female (and male!) instructors, def never occurred to me to be upset that he likes their posts even if they are wearing a bikini.

I CBA to get worked up about it tbh, but I can see it being a problem for someone if there were bigger issues.

pinkcircustop · 16/08/2021 16:02

I am sure he hides from her

She doesn’t have an Instagram, he isn’t hiding anything Confused

PorthbeanCove · 16/08/2021 16:13

I think you have asked the question as your instinct is that there is something not right. Whilst it may not be ‘cheating’, If he respected your sister and valued the relationship, he wouldn’t be doing it, particularly in light of the fact they have already split once due to trust issues. I say trust your gut instinct. This isn’t the behaviour of a man who respects the woman he is with.

Kaleidmoscope · 16/08/2021 16:14

I'm with you OP, it's not 'cheating' but I wouldn't like it at all. For me it's because it makes me think that he feels entitled to publicly judge women - and that makes me think that he probably doesn't feel like women are actually equals, ergo he probably doesn't view his girlfriend as his equal. And the fact that he feels free to advertise that he has a wandering eye even when he has a girlfriend tends to reinforce that. It just makes me think misogyny.