To ask him to start making his own way home

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

DP and I both work Fulltime. We have one car, so in morning I drop him off at work then drive another 15 mins to my work.
I finish at 4 then drive 45 mins back home, take DD to sporting activity (it’s not on public transport route so she can’t get there herself) I then drive back to DP’s work and pick him up. I get back home around 6.30 then leave again at 7.15 to pick DD up.
I have been doing this 5 days a week for around 5 years. To be honest I am a bit knackered and would like to suggest that DP gets public transport home. It’s a 10 min walk from his work and it would take 20 mins. I would then pick him up at the station as it’s another 20 min walk to home.
I have suggested this before and he says he can’t understand why it should make any difference to how tired I feel as in his eyes driving the car to pick him up should not be a problem.
Can anyone think of any other alternative if they think I am being unreasonable to suggest he gets public transport.

Why can't he walk the 20 minutes home from the station? Or cycle?

No I wouldn't be doing all this running around, although your DDs after school activity five days a week sounds exhausting too.

Does your DP pay towards the car? Can your DP drive too? Would a second car be an option? Would public transport cost a lot?

If I'm honest the driving your DD to the activity sounds very tiring too!

How long does it take you to get to the station to pick up DP?

Both sides sound a bit U to me, could it be a compromise where 3 days you pick up 2 days public transport?

The only reason I can think of that he would think this is reasonable is that he's intrinsically selfish.

Sounds like my cousin's husband. Up until a few years ago he would insist on taking their only car into work in the city centre, where he paid a fortune for parking and it was stationary for 8 hours every day.

They live a 5min walk from the railway station, train takes 10mins. She was a childminder and was left with no transport for the whole day, with 3/4 children to deal with (car is a 7 seater). Her business was limited because she couldn't do pick ups / drop offs.

And all because her twat of a husband would turn his nose up at taking the train.

The fact is, you’ve told him you’re tired of it. He should respect that. Ask him to at least try the public transport option.

He should get himself home. Can he drive? Could you get a second car? If not, he should use public transport.

Is he doing his fair share of everything else or is he expecting meals to be cooked, housework to be done for him as well?

Just tell him that you are not doing it anymore. He can't force you to collect him.

He could get public transport some of the time, and he could share picking up DD from her activity.
Could you get another car? Or DH get a bike?

Why can't your husband go and pick your daughter up? Seems only fair if you've done the drop off.

You say you’ve one car. Can he drive? Is there any way to stretch to a second car?

He definitely needs to start being the one to go pick up DD.

If I was financially contributing towards the family car and then I was told to make my own way home from work I wouldn’t be very happy. If you only have one car I think you should invest in a second one.

Your daughter does this activity 5 days a week? If so, can another child’s parent share the driving with you? Maybe you do 2 or 3 days a week and take another child with you and then the other days the other child’s parents do the driving?

I’m not sure why he can’t do the last pick up of your daughter. Unless he can’t drive?

Can he drive?
Either he can take the car or you could get a second car if that's affordable?

When you collect him from work, why doesn’t he take over the driving, drop you at home, and go collect DD?

Driving whilst tired especially after dark evenings come back is not a good thing. So I think your suggestion is reasonable as it will reduce tiredness.

@Crazynames

If I was financially contributing towards the family car and then I was told to make my own way home from work I wouldn’t be very happy. If you only have one car I think you should invest in a second one.

Me neither. I’d find it very selfish.

Unless your DH can't drive, I don't see why you can't share the morning drive - he drives to his workplace then you just drive from there to your workplace - so it would only be the evening commute that would be an issue, but again you could drive there and he drives home so it's a.50/50 split of the driving.

It’s a 10 min walk from his work and it would take 20 mins. I would then pick him up at the station as it’s another 20 min walk to home.

By my maths that commute would be 50 minutes minimum - not accounting for waiting for the train/delays etc - so more likely to be at least an hour in reality which would be doubling his commute as his workplace is only 30 mins drive from home, so I can see why he wouldn't want to have a longer, more circuitous commute just because you share a car.

40 mins from door to door for your DP and you've been picking him up every day for 5 years?!? That's absolutely ridiculous!
Of course yanbu. My husband's journey is 40 minutes door to door and when I was working last year, mine was an hour. Your DP is being a selfish git

50* mins sorry. But you're at least offering to save him the 20 min walk

How far is DDs activity from your house and how far is it from his work? If you go straight from dropping DD to his work I can kinda see what he feels “well you’re in the car and not far from me anyway”

I'd tell him you're tired from all the running around and you're not doing it any more.

There's no reason he can't use public transport, especially if you're collecting him from the station. Although I think he should just walk the 20min home, it's still less than an hour commute which is nothing really and fairly standard I'd have thought.
He should also do all the collections for DD in future, since you do all the drop offs. It'll probably mean he gets in from work and goes straight out again in the car, but so what? Isn't that what you've been doing for the past 5yrs?

Your work is further away than his so dropping him off on the way is no bother but the different finish times mean collecting him doesn't work. Plenty of people pay for a sole use car and still use public transport for work because it's more practical, so that argument doesn't wash. He still has use of it evenings and weekends.

I'm willing to bet you'll become a two car household within 6 months though, however much you "can't afford it" while it's you doing all the running around and being inconvenienced. The minute only having one car becomes his problem too I bet the situation will be deemed unworkable.

Yea let him do half the drop offs/pick ups too.
It seems you're just the cart horse op. Fuck that. Dont be a mug

He can get the train. Just tell him that. You're not driving him and the kids every day,plus going to work. He's a dope.
.

If he can't drive or you can't afford a second car what about getting a moped or 125 CC bike that should be OK if its just driving around town and not going on any motorways and would be cheaper than a car.