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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to start making his own way home

103 replies

Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 15/08/2021 16:19

DP and I both work Fulltime. We have one car, so in morning I drop him off at work then drive another 15 mins to my work.
I finish at 4 then drive 45 mins back home, take DD to sporting activity (it’s not on public transport route so she can’t get there herself) I then drive back to DP’s work and pick him up. I get back home around 6.30 then leave again at 7.15 to pick DD up.
I have been doing this 5 days a week for around 5 years. To be honest I am a bit knackered and would like to suggest that DP gets public transport home. It’s a 10 min walk from his work and it would take 20 mins. I would then pick him up at the station as it’s another 20 min walk to home.
I have suggested this before and he says he can’t understand why it should make any difference to how tired I feel as in his eyes driving the car to pick him up should not be a problem.
Can anyone think of any other alternative if they think I am being unreasonable to suggest he gets public transport.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 18:37

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Yes he does drive and yes contributes to car

So give him the car and you use public transport? Obviously if it’s ok to expect him to do that and fund the car it will be fine for you to do too.

Doesn't work when he's refusing to use the car for the family lifts like OP does...
Drivingmisspotty · 15/08/2021 18:37

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss how does she then get DD to her sport? OP said she got public transport until DD took up the sport. And that the sport venue is not reachable by public transport. And starts before DH is home from work.

Shmithecat2 · 15/08/2021 18:39

Just don't pick him up! He'll learn.

Lumpwoody · 15/08/2021 18:39

Does DD actually need to go 5 days a week?

cansu · 15/08/2021 18:43

I think the issue is partly the demands of the activity. It seems like it is more than the 5x a week which is in itself excessive. I think you need to reassess whether this needs to be reduced. You may need to stand up to both your husband and your dd and say that it is too much. Either he helps with the schedule or it will have to change.

VenusTiger · 15/08/2021 18:47

Your DP can pick your DD up - do week on week off arrangement.

Original poster
Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 15/08/2021 18:53

DP doesn’t finish early enough to take DD.
It’s normal in the sport she does to do that amount of training and more.
It sounds like I am not being unreasonable to ask him to get public transport. However take on board I may have to compromise. So maybe pick him up Wednesday and Friday but ask if he will then pick DD up on those nights.

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 15/08/2021 18:57

@Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat

DP doesn’t finish early enough to take DD. It’s normal in the sport she does to do that amount of training and more. It sounds like I am not being unreasonable to ask him to get public transport. However take on board I may have to compromise. So maybe pick him up Wednesday and Friday but ask if he will then pick DD up on those nights.
But just let him walk 20 mins home. It's not far and exercise is apparently important to him
FlorrieLindley · 15/08/2021 18:57

A daily 20 minute walk would be good exercise for him if he's serious about his fitness.

Notaroadrunner · 15/08/2021 19:01

@Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat

I know I am a mug but he Always has an answer, normally says that I bend over backwards for everyone else and do nothing for him.
He can't answer to the fact that you say you are simply not doing it anymore. If you just don't collect him tomorrow he'll have to make his own way home. Leave him to it. Maybe he'll be happy to take the car and pick dd up after a few days of you not turning up.
Lumpwoody · 15/08/2021 19:03

Have you any other children?

ittakes2 · 15/08/2021 19:04

You don't say how long it takes to go and pick him up.

RandomMess · 15/08/2021 19:08

I think you tell him "your done" and can't do both anymore either he gets the public transport home or gets DD from her activity but you can no longer do both.

Let him choose which.

RandomMess · 15/08/2021 19:09

When he asks when does he get to exercise ask him when you do??

Do you have equal leisure time? When you're home are then cooking, cleaning etc?

essentialhealing · 15/08/2021 19:13

I would suggest he does the walk say 2-3 times a week. Walking is very good for you. I used to walk five miles a day with DD in the pushchair, I loved it

Original poster
Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 15/08/2021 20:06

I drop DD off at 5.30, DP is supposed to finish at 6 but due to the nature of his job he normally gets into car between 6.15 and 6.30. This means I am hanging about waiting in the car for 30 mins

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 15/08/2021 20:11

Stop doing it. He's a grown man who can make his own way home. Christ. If you don't pick him up he will walk and take the train.

He will not force you to.
You have the choice. Right now you choose to collect him every day.
If you dont like this, choose something else.

RandomMess · 15/08/2021 20:17

Honestly I think have to say "no more".

When do you guys eat dinner and who makes it?

UnbeatenMum · 15/08/2021 20:20

When do you get to exercise? Or your equivalent time to yourself. I used to pick DH up from work before he learned to drive. It was extra tiring and as soon as he passed his test we bought a second (cheap) car. There wasn't a good public transport option at the time.

LittleOwl153 · 15/08/2021 20:20

Just make sure when you do tell him that you have put the car keys away so that he doesn't decide to just take the car the following day...

Di11y · 15/08/2021 20:52

I had a 2x 20 min walk plus train ride to get home from school aged 11. He's making you spend ages extra in the car and says he needs the exercise. No brainer.

Kite22 · 15/08/2021 21:00

Good grief. There is no way I would have started doing this - and no way dh would ever have asked / expected me to do it.
It is ridiculous.
If he wants exercise, he can get himself home from the station.
I can't believe he thinks it is acceptable that you go and pick your dd up every day but that he feels he can't as it is inconvenient for him Shock

As an aside, if your dd is doing whatever she does every day, why don't all the parents arrange some sort of a rota to take and fetch on different days, or one take, a different one fetch etc. Even if it means going out of your way, it would be better to spend one evening dropping 2 or 3 others off then not having to go out for the next 3 evenings.

MattyGroves · 15/08/2021 21:04

I think we all know who makes dinner and washes up without the OP answering

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2021 21:21

As others said he can exercise walking home

Angryfrommanchester1 · 15/08/2021 21:36

It’s a lot of faffing around for you and as he can get public transport he should do at least half the time to save you doing this.