Husband huffing over cutting grass

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

He didn't get up til after 10. Fair enough, it's Sunday. Lazed around all morning (as did I, after putting a wash on, which I will hang out). I just asked him to cut the grass - it's a 15 minute job. He huffs and whines, saying 'at some point today I might get a minute to myself.' He's doing it, but I'm pissed off that he clearly thinks I was unreasonable to ask him to get off his arse and do one tiny job. Genuinely don't know if I'm the unreasonable one now?

@chocolatesaltyballs22 YANBU. The 'you're being bossy, controlling, and micro-managing your POOR husband,' brigade are hilarious. Never heard such crap in my life! 😂

They're as batshit as the LTB brigade! With their comments like 'what do you get out of this marriage?!' Fuck me, overdramatic much?! 😂

So yeah, further to my longer post up there ^ My DH is happy to do stuff when HE suggests it, or offers it. But fuck me, he moans like a little bitch when I dare ASK him! Very typical middle aged man behaviour IMO, and IME.

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@chocolatesaltyballs22 YANBU. The 'you're being bossy, controlling, and micro-managing your POOR husband,' brigade are hilarious. Never heard such crap in my life! 😂

They're as batshit as the LTB brigade! With their comments like 'what do you get out of this marriage?!' Fuck me, overdramatic much?! 😂[/quote]
But what do you get out of being married to someone you can’t ask a favour from without them moaning “like a little bitch”? Someone who you have to dumb down for because they have so little respect for you that they can’t accept your ideas or suggestions? It doesn’t sound like you like each other much let alone love each other.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I said 'the grass could do with a cut.' Didn't dictate a time table.

I hate mopping too. And hoovering. I have a cleaner

If you have outside help for the jobs you're allowed to hate, maybe you need a gardener too!

I thought it was compulsory to moan if you were asked to cut the grass, every one always does. If I think about cutting it myself, my mind starts to moan inwardly, its a sort of natural human response!

@JudgeJ he hates cleaning too - the cleaner cleans the house for all of us, not just me. Have said before, a 15 min job every 3 weeks isn't enough to employ a gardener for.

The problem here, I think, is a supposedly adult, equal, life partner who has abdicated responsibility for noticing what needs doing and just doing it and expects their partner to line manage them.

If you don't do anything until someone points it out and asks you to do it, and then when they do, you huff and puff about how hard your life is, you are acting like a moody teenager and forcing your partner into parent mode. There's no happy ending there.

OP could abdicate from line manager/parent mode and just let her DH live with the consequences of ignoring whatever household tasks are regarded as his: perhaps it might mean a smelly pileup of rubbish inside, a jungle outside and unpaid bills. It would be worth living like this for a bit until he said, "Why didn't you tell/remind me?!" at which point the answer is, "Because you're a grown-up and shouldn't need telling, and because you sulk and make yourself unpleasant whenever I do."

Alternatively, OP could stop doing all her usual tasks until prompted!

At some point, the two need to sit down and sort out a fair division of household labour, agreeing to pull their weight without sulking or needing prompting.

Is it one of those divisions where she gets all the time sensitive jobs like cooking and he gets the jobs that can easily be left till another day?

Why is everyone getting into a froth about OP's family having a cleaner.

The cleaner does the jobs they'd all be doing, mopping, hoovering, dusting, changing beds, cleaning the bathrooms are not OP's job. The H would be having to do them too if he didn't have a cleaner.

I can ask DH to do things, like asking him to clean the bathroom this weekend, because we both use the bathroom, we both live in the house and we both are responsible for the upkeep and maintenance of the household.

Why would he get whiny and annoyed about me asking him to take over specific chores? I'd have happily swapped whatever chore I was doing with him if he wanted.

So in light of OP 'cannot ask her H to do chores within her timeframe', can OP not cook till she's good and ready, or do the laundry or any chore unless she feels like it if she ever does?

Life would be pretty horrible if every member of hte household behaved like that.

2mx4m is just the right proportions for you to mow it yourself with a bit of artwork included.

It would annoy me if i was trying to have a relaxing Sunday and my DH was on at me to do a job around the house

Thankyou @frazzledasarock - you expressed my thoughts exactly. The assumption that the cleaner was there to help ME ALONE was making me quite cross!

@JudgeJ what about the DH does those jobs the OP hates, instead of getting a cleaner?

Why are they her jobs only and getting a cleaner means that she doesn't do "get" jobs.

So you think that all jobs other than once every three weeks cutting the grass fall to the OP?

Do you enjoy being a martyr?

This is 2021 with men are not domestic appliances.

He's a part OP, very unattractive!

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@chocolatesaltyballs22

It's a moany man thing. They don't like to be asked to do ANYTHING. If they decide of their own accord that they will do it, that's all good, and they are happy to do it. But God FORBID anyone asks them, especially a woman, and especially the wife or mother.

I have learned to not ask my DH to do ANYthing ... Because no matter what it is, or how difficult I may find it, and the fact that I do most the grunt work in the house, (and household admin etc,) he STILL pulls a face, huffs and puffs, and moans about being pissed off about 'having to do stuff on his day off.' Basically, he acts like I asked him for a fucking kidney.

So all I do now is say for example, 'I'm going to put the quilt cover on now.' (I find this quite difficult.) When I say this, he says 'd'ya want me to do it?' I just tilt my head and say 'well, if you're sure you don't mind....'

Then when I want something out of the loft, (I find it a bit hard to get in,) I say 'just going to get the loft ladder, as I need something out of the loft...' He says 'Hold on, I'll get the ladder, and I may as well go up for you. What is it you're looking for?'

It's like when I think of a good/smart idea, I have to try and make him think that he thought of it, or I got the idea from a man, because otherwise, he often dismisses it. He doesn't like it if HE doesn't think of it. 'Can't have women thinking they're smarter than us eh chaps?!'

But yeah, at the end of the day, I just think that men don't like being told, or even ASKED to do anything, by a woman.

People can disagree, but I believe that's what it is. Based on MANY men I know, and have known...[/quote]
I'm not sure I like being told what to do by a man. Fortunately my husband has the sense to not mention what he thinks I should do but he is always very grateful for what I do. Maybe it is different because he is disabled so I do pretty well everything.

@queenMab99

I thought it was compulsory to moan if you were asked to cut the grass, every one always does. If I think about cutting it myself, my mind starts to moan inwardly, its a sort of natural human response!

That sums it up well. Even keen gardeners I know sigh when they mention mowing the lawn.