Page 4 | Husband huffing over cutting grass

CBroads · 15/08/2021 15:54

Tbh it's his weekend too, he should be able to relax without being called "lazy". This is why I make plans all weekend, "sorry love, I can't do any DIY I'm out all weekend" I haven't done DIY or any extra chores since we lived together, I do my bit but I'm not working myself to the bone on a weekend just like i do in a week. How am I supposed to relax? And don't even get me started on the constant nagging.

gannett · 15/08/2021 15:54

There are chores which are my job and chores which are DP's job and they will get done as and when we please. The other person doesn't get to make helpful hints about things needing to be done today.

Is it really so bad if the grass grows for a few more days.

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 15/08/2021 16:13

@CBroads

Tbh it's his weekend too, he should be able to relax without being called "lazy". This is why I make plans all weekend, "sorry love, I can't do any DIY I'm out all weekend" I haven't done DIY or any extra chores since we lived together, I do my bit but I'm not working myself to the bone on a weekend just like i do in a week. How am I supposed to relax? And don't even get me started on the constant nagging.

Since when was a 15 minute job 'working yourself to the bone'?? 🙄

OP posts:

MuttsNutts · 15/08/2021 16:41

Genuinely don't know if I'm the unreasonable one now?

Come off it. It’s clear from every one of your posts that you’d already decided you weren’t in the least bit unreasonable and were hoping for MN to unanimously confirm that was the case.

Maybe don’t post in AIBU in future if you have absolutely no intention of considering any other perspective.

Susannahmoody · 15/08/2021 16:46

Men don't do, so women nag, so men don't do, so women nag, so men don't do, etc etc ad infinitum

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/08/2021 16:57

You were not unreasonable OP. You just commented that the grass could do with a cut. It was up to him when to do it. He just decided to get it over and done with. To be fair, I sometimes huff about a chore as I’m doing it because they’re never ending in the sense that you clean, it gets dirty, so there you are cleaning it again, and again. It’s the same with grass...you cut it, it grows and you are right back to cutting the blasted grass again. Perhaps his huffing was just venting and not aimed at you? At any rate I’d not give it a second thought that he huffed over it in terms of whether you caused it or should do anything different. You were perfectly reasonable. It’s not exactly fun or relaxing to do chores, I think we are all allowed to huff a bit now and then.

toocold54 · 15/08/2021 17:00

Also, I do 80% of the washing and 80% of the cooking. We both work full time.

I think this is the issue. It needs to be more 50:50.

I wonder if he’s the type if you don’t ask it doesn’t get done type thing but I live on my own and someone telling/suggesting I cut the grass would really annoy me as I am going to do it, I’ll just do it when I’m ready.

CalishataFolkart · 15/08/2021 17:08

@CBroads

Tbh it's his weekend too, he should be able to relax without being called "lazy". This is why I make plans all weekend, "sorry love, I can't do any DIY I'm out all weekend" I haven't done DIY or any extra chores since we lived together, I do my bit but I'm not working myself to the bone on a weekend just like i do in a week. How am I supposed to relax? And don't even get me started on the constant nagging.

This is fantastic!

“I make sure I do the bare minimum and plan myself out of any extra work that needs doing, thereby leaving it all to my partner. Incidentally my partner nags a lot. These two things are unrelated.”

A+

BeReet · 15/08/2021 17:39

My husband was exactly the same - used to put it off for ages, moan about doing it, do a shitty job in the hopes of never being asked again dream on . A few years back I had the whole lot ripped out and fake grass put in. Worth every penny and it's usable by the kids all year round.

To offset the inevitable environmental moaning, the front garden has been sown as a wildflower meadow. No mowing there either 😁👍

BillyWhozz · 15/08/2021 18:21

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Whilst OP employs someone do to their own shit....

Eh?? In what world is cleaning the house only my responsibility? We both live there.

No one said that. Even more YABU. Maybe try reading responses.

AngQuinn · 15/08/2021 18:23

if you have to do work, so does he🤷‍♀️

Feedingthebirds1 · 15/08/2021 18:44

@Wolfiefan

He wasn’t huffing about the grass cutting. It was because you told him to do it. DH and I share jobs. He does the lawn. When he chooses to. As adults we don’t need telling to get jobs done.

That's good that your DH does it (when he's good and ready) and that you share jobs, presumably equally. But the problem with telling OP if she wants it done to do it herself, as some PPs have done, is that that's how we get threads on MN where the OH does nothing. Because he's learned that she'll do it anyway. To many men, 'when I'm ready' means 'never and shut up about it'.

Wolfiefan · 15/08/2021 18:53

I certainly never said OP should do it herself.
If they decide who takes responsibility for what then no one needs to nag or hint.

Feedingthebirds1 · 15/08/2021 18:59

I certainly never said OP should do it herself.

I know you didn't. I said 'as some PPs have said'.

secsee · 15/08/2021 19:06

That's good that your DH does it (when he's good and ready) and that you share jobs, presumably equally. But the problem with telling OP if she wants it done to do it herself, as some PPs have done, is that that's how we get threads on MN where the OH does nothing. Because he's learned that she'll do it anyway. To many men, 'when I'm ready' means 'never and shut up about it'.

Totally, and I think people saying OP is being U haven't lived with a partner who delays and procrastinates. They'll stall and say their going to do it, long enough that you get fed up and do it yourself

Grass cutting isn't an urgent chore, but I'd also argue putting things off til the last minute isn't a great habit. If something needs doing, best do it promptly then you can forget about it and everyone's happy

Obbydoo · 15/08/2021 19:14

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Excellent fishing! 🎣

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 15/08/2021 19:19

@BillyWhozz the inference was that I employed a cleaner to do 'my shit.' Ie cleaning the house is my shit alone to worry about, as the woman of the house. I did read the post properly.

OP posts:

StCharlotte · 15/08/2021 19:30

YANBU.

Would now be a good time to remind him that we only need men because vibrators can't mow the lawn?

(Although with robot mowers, they're in danger of making themselves obsolete anyway.)

acolderwar · 15/08/2021 22:08

@gannett

There are chores which are my job and chores which are DP's job and they will get done as and when we please. The other person doesn't get to make helpful hints about things needing to be done today.

Is it really so bad if the grass grows for a few more days.

He hasn't completed his allocated job for 3 weeks though. Imagine if OP hadn't done her 80% of washing, cooking or cleaning for 3 weeks. Bet he would have had something to say about that. If it's up to him when he chooses to carry out his 15 minute job, where is the cut off point for 'not nagging him'? When the garden has succumbed to the wild and has badger sets and the weeds are shoulder height? Because he will do it when he's ready? What if OP just didn't wash any clothes for the next few months - should they just rewear underwear for weeks on end and she will do it when she can be arsed?

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 15/08/2021 22:12

V good point @acolderwar !

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 16/08/2021 07:39

There is a difference between cutting grass and washing. Having few inches long grass is no issue. Having nothing to wear is.
Switch jobs then if you aren't happy.

3 weeks really is not that long to cut grass. I can cut anywhere from 2-5 weeks

ancientgran · 16/08/2021 08:18

@StCharlotte

YANBU.

Would now be a good time to remind him that we only need men because vibrators can't mow the lawn?

(Although with robot mowers, they're in danger of making themselves obsolete anyway.)

How sexist. I am a woman, I cut the grass, I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass.

StCharlotte · 16/08/2021 08:28

How sexist. I am a woman, I cut the grass, I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass.

Er, it's a JOKE?

For what it's worth I too cut the grass .

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 16/08/2021 08:34

@StCharlotte

How sexist. I am a woman, I cut the grass, I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass.

Er, it's a JOKE?

For what it's worth I too cut the grass .

Didn't ya know you can't do jokes or light heartedness on MN?!

OP posts:

LakieLady · 16/08/2021 08:35

@ancientgran

I hate cutting the grass. I don't know what it is but it is a strong feeling. My DH can't do it as he is disabled so I have to do it. I'd rather vacuum the whole house, strip the beds, wash the bedding and remake the beds, cook a meal and clear up afterwards rather than cut the grass.

Maybe your husband feels like me.

If you'd like to do all the above at my house, I'll gladly come and cut your grass!

I'd rather cut my grass than hoover, by miles.