Husband huffing over cutting grass

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

He didn't get up til after 10. Fair enough, it's Sunday. Lazed around all morning (as did I, after putting a wash on, which I will hang out). I just asked him to cut the grass - it's a 15 minute job. He huffs and whines, saying 'at some point today I might get a minute to myself.' He's doing it, but I'm pissed off that he clearly thinks I was unreasonable to ask him to get off his arse and do one tiny job. Genuinely don't know if I'm the unreasonable one now?

@LakieLady Maybe we need match up sites for people to swap jobs. I'm currently hobbling round with a broken ankle, yesterday I stripped 4 beds, washed all the bed clothes and other washing, remade the beds, vacuumed the house, moved some of DHs boxes of junk (he's a hoarder) into the garage, made breakfast, lunch and dinner for us, did some online admin, did the washing up. I studiously avoided cutting the grass which really needs doing.

Did I mention I hate cutting the grass?

@StCharlotte

How sexist. I am a woman, I cut the grass, I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass.

Er, it's a JOKE?

For what it's worth I too cut the grass .

The thing is that jokes are meant to be funny.

Hate mowing, it's soul destroying! I'm with the 'it's a Sunday' brigade. It's great you did the washing op, but that doesn't mean everyone has to do something (but I'm bitter because all weekend dh was painting the house and any time he saw me look any way relaxed I got a hint that I could help even though we both painted together late Friday night and Saturday morning before I got cleaning

I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass.
Predominantly men around here, saw neighbour do it once and I've only ever done it once. Our neighbour the other side looks like he's going to collapse doing it and all the others have asked him does he need help but he won't hear of it. Dream is to win the lotto and set up a robot mower in there for him

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Fair enough, I will re-word my request to be more direct next time!

Is it down to you to divvy out all domestic/household jobs or does he just crack on with what needs doing?

@stayathomer

I am not alone, neighbours on both sides of me the woman cuts the grass. Predominantly men around here, saw neighbour do it once and I've only ever done it once. Our neighbour the other side looks like he's going to collapse doing it and all the others have asked him does he need help but he won't hear of it. Dream is to win the lotto and set up a robot mower in there for him

It's a clear odd numbers even number thing here. My side of the road it is the women that cut the grass, opposite it is men that do it except one house where a woman lives alone.

I'm not sure how many summers I've got left in me to do it, I think next year when I'm 70 I might rebel and refuse to do it, not sure what we do then as DH is too disabled to do it and I haven't been successful paying for it to be done. Maybe the grass will have to go.

ancientgran hopefully you find someone who can do it, that's hard

See I really don't like hinting. But then also I can't stand it when people decide jobs need doing, but it's me that needs to do it.

But that's because I still have issues from an emotionally abusive marriage. He would do fuck all round the house, then do a blitz clean and expect that everyone must join in because he fancies doing it there and then. He was quite happy ignoring it and letting me do most of it for weeks. He always seemed to fancy doing it, when I got an odd day to relax. He also hinted at things and would punish me for not picking up on it. I am not saying op is abusive, just explaining why it gets my back up.

Because the difference is, I keep up to what jobs are mine. Although we only do our lawn every 3/4 weeks, we have dogs and picking up the mess is a pain if it's too long.

I think op has resorted to hinting/telling because, as she says, he just wouldn't do it. No one needs to hint the bathroom needs doing because I would do it, if its a job that I do.

Dp wanted all wood floors. I wasn't so sure. He he agreed the looking after the floors was his job. And he keeps up to it. He may miss a day or whatever, but not for a long period or just not do it

I hoover the upstairs and again, I don't leave it weeks or just never do it.

In our house, im sahm i do everything even clean car mow packed lunch etc as husband works full time but we share cooking & he does any diy/decorating although takes a lot of asking so sometimes write a lovely list/note & eventually they get done🙂.

chocolatesaltyballs22

I said 'the grass could do with a cut.' Didn't dictate a time table.

I hate mopping too. And hoovering. I have a cleaner grin“

So pay someone to cut the grass too

In our house DH does mow the lawn, I made it clear I'm not doing it, ever.

Usually on a Sunday we have a big clean, everyone pitches in. DH does things like clean the garage and sort out heavy lifting things, outside the house and mows the lawn. I recently decided I wasn't doing all the inside cleaning, so this Sunday I told DH he was cleaning the en-suite, whilst I vacuumed, the kids mopped and deep cleaned the kitchen.

So DH did, and he changed the beds too.

And lo, his knob did not drop off from cleaning within the home, and to my fucking timetable.

Don't ask again.
Tell him you'll pay someone since it bothers him.
He's painful.

@frazzledasarock

In our house DH does mow the lawn, I made it clear I'm not doing it, ever.

Usually on a Sunday we have a big clean, everyone pitches in. DH does things like clean the garage and sort out heavy lifting things, outside the house and mows the lawn. I recently decided I wasn't doing all the inside cleaning, so this Sunday I told DH he was cleaning the en-suite, whilst I vacuumed, the kids mopped and deep cleaned the kitchen.

So DH did, and he changed the beds too.

And lo, his knob did not drop off from cleaning within the home, and to my fucking timetable.

Going to be interesting when he once declares he isn't cutting the lawn anymore

I would not appreciate being told to do a chore by my DH. We do have some things we each tend to do and some things we do as and when. We generally ask if we need/want the other one to do something.

I think the issue could also be down to different standards/ideas of when something needs done. I think cutting grass every 3 weeks sounds a bit excessive, maybe he did not think it needed doing immediately? My DH has very different ideas to me about certain household chores and tidiness- he is much neater than me and hates clutter, I clean the bathroom much more often than he would think necessary. Neither of us is wrong, just different- I don’t get to dictate my standards are correct, neither does he. We compromise and if we really want something done we either do it ourselves or ask the other nicely.

If I was feeling like having a quiet day, I might look at something non-essential like grass cutting and think “it’ll wait another week”. Perhaps he genuinely thought it was fine and did not need cutting? Either way, if you wanted it done wouldn’t the nicer way be to ASK him to do it- “DH, would you mind cutting the grass, I think it’s a bit long?”. Saying “grass could do with being cut today” is issuing an order, not requesting.

Even if it did need doing and you thought he hadn’t noticed it, wouldn’t it be better to ask? I generally respond better to being asked to do something than being issued with directions or instructions.

If you feel there is an unequal division of Labour in your household you would be better to address that directly and sort it out properly rather than sniping and issuing orders, or getting annoyed that he isn’t doing things with good grace when you do.

@SchrodingersImmigrant I give not two hoots whether he cuts the lawn or not, he seems to enjoy it, I'm more concerned with keeping the kids alive and ensuring we're not living in our own filth.

If DH gives up mowing the (postage stamp sized) lawn it won't be me commenting on it (his mum will though to him).

@jacks11

I would not appreciate being told to do a chore by my DH. We do have some things we each tend to do and some things we do as and when. We generally ask if we need/want the other one to do something.

I think the issue could also be down to different standards/ideas of when something needs done. I think cutting grass every 3 weeks sounds a bit excessive, maybe he did not think it needed doing immediately? My DH has very different ideas to me about certain household chores and tidiness- he is much neater than me and hates clutter, I clean the bathroom much more often than he would think necessary. Neither of us is wrong, just different- I don’t get to dictate my standards are correct, neither does he. We compromise and if we really want something done we either do it ourselves or ask the other nicely.

If I was feeling like having a quiet day, I might look at something non-essential like grass cutting and think “it’ll wait another week”. Perhaps he genuinely thought it was fine and did not need cutting? Either way, if you wanted it done wouldn’t the nicer way be to ASK him to do it- “DH, would you mind cutting the grass, I think it’s a bit long?”. Saying “grass could do with being cut today” is issuing an order, not requesting.

Even if it did need doing and you thought he hadn’t noticed it, wouldn’t it be better to ask? I generally respond better to being asked to do something than being issued with directions or instructions.

If you feel there is an unequal division of Labour in your household you would be better to address that directly and sort it out properly rather than sniping and issuing orders, or getting annoyed that he isn’t doing things with good grace when you do.

This is way too reasonable 😁

I'd count myself lucky he actually did it even if there was huffing and puffing over it, but Yanbu for asking.
Our grass hasn't been cut in about 8 weeks now, I do absolutely everything in the house so it's the one job I feel my DP should take responsibility for. Excuses range from it's to hot to oh I forgot I was going to do that today now it's too late.

I highly doubt it will be cut before winter at this rate 😂

The job is too small for a gardener, but are there any teenagers locally who would be happy for your DH to pay them £10 fortnightly to cut the grass? The very suggestion might be enough to get him to crack on with it?

Not only did I say can you cut the grass today (yesterday) I just said you could plant that tree today and no huffing.

DH is a rather inattentive sort but becomes fixated on certain things at certain times. He can do any domestic chore better than anyone because attention to detail is intense but everything takes ages.

I have a get out card for many chores because of a serious back issue. I wish I could still mow the lawn.

@Maybcrazy

I'd count myself lucky he actually did it even if there was huffing and puffing over it, but Yanbu for asking. Our grass hasn't been cut in about 8 weeks now, I do absolutely everything in the house so it's the one job I feel my DP should take responsibility for. Excuses range from it's to hot to oh I forgot I was going to do that today now it's too late.

I highly doubt it will be cut before winter at this rate 😂

I can't imagine choosing to be in a relationship with someone who is that lazy and selfish.

@frazzledasarock

In our house DH does mow the lawn, I made it clear I'm not doing it, ever.

Usually on a Sunday we have a big clean, everyone pitches in. DH does things like clean the garage and sort out heavy lifting things, outside the house and mows the lawn. I recently decided I wasn't doing all the inside cleaning, so this Sunday I told DH he was cleaning the en-suite, whilst I vacuumed, the kids mopped and deep cleaned the kitchen.

So DH did, and he changed the beds too.

And lo, his knob did not drop off from cleaning within the home, and to my fucking timetable.

I thought I'd never do the lawn. Then DH was disabled and cutting the lawn was down to me, as was almost everything else. One job I finally got out of was cutting his toe nails. A lovely lady podiatrist does it now, I wonder if she'd like to do the lawn as well.

@subsy1

The job is too small for a gardener, but are there any teenagers locally who would be happy for your DH to pay them £10 fortnightly to cut the grass? The very suggestion might be enough to get him to crack on with it?

I did try that. Local teenager did it once, cut the power cable, blew every fuse in the house and never came back.

@stayathomer

ancientgran hopefully you find someone who can do it, that's hard

Thank you. Inspired by this thread I have had a look at robot lawnmowers, that might be the answer.

YANBU!

@chocolatesaltyballs22

It's a moany man thing. They don't like to be asked to do ANYTHING. If they decide of their own accord that they will do it, that's all good, and they are happy to do it. But God FORBID anyone asks them, especially a woman, and especially the wife or mother.

I have learned to not ask my DH to do ANYthing ... Because no matter what it is, or how difficult I may find it, and the fact that I do most the grunt work in the house, (and household admin etc,) he STILL pulls a face, huffs and puffs, and moans about being pissed off about 'having to do stuff on his day off.' Basically, he acts like I asked him for a fucking kidney.

So all I do now is say for example, 'I'm going to put the quilt cover on now.' (I find this quite difficult.) When I say this, he says 'd'ya want me to do it?' I just tilt my head and say 'well, if you're sure you don't mind....'

Then when I want something out of the loft, (I find it a bit hard to get in,) I say 'just going to get the loft ladder, as I need something out of the loft...' He says 'Hold on, I'll get the ladder, and I may as well go up for you. What is it you're looking for?'

It's like when I think of a good/smart idea, I have to try and make him think that he thought of it, or I got the idea from a man, because otherwise, he often dismisses it. He doesn't like it if HE doesn't think of it. 'Can't have women thinking they're smarter than us eh chaps?!'

But yeah, at the end of the day, I just think that men don't like being told, or even ASKED to do anything, by a woman.

People can disagree, but I believe that's what it is. Based on MANY men I know, and have known...