AIBU to think DD isn't fully dressed in leggings & a t-shirt?

[shesellsseacats]

When I ask DD (nearly 9) to get dressed she often comes down in just leggings and a t-shirt, tucked in.

She looks undressed to me.

A t-shirt and leggings are fine for sport, or bed, or for toddlers IMO. Or a long tshirt over leggings is fine too.

But she likes to wear her T-shirt tucked in (which looks lumpy!) She just looks like she forgot to finish getting dressed like that, AIBU?

And AIBU to ask her to put another layer over the leggings? e.g. a skirt or pinafore dress or shorts?

I know it's only a small thing in the scheme of things and I'm inclined to let her get her way if we're just going to the park for a play or something. But I'm curious how others see it?

@waterlego

My 13 year-old DS lives in joggers and T-shirts. He’s a sporty lad and that’s what he feels comfortable in. It’s certainly not a very smart look but I keep my opinions to myself.

My 16 year old lives and dies in jogging bottoms, football shirts and trainers. Would it be my choice? No but he's capable of making his own choices about who he is and his own personal style

@PhoboPhobia - 100% agree. Some of the attitudes on here are appalling

My view is, don't like what I'm wearing, look away.

Exactly @SamW98. My 15 year-old DD equally makes some interesting clothing choices, but she’s happy and comfortable, so good for her!

I suspect my kids sometimes look at me in my leggings and wish their mum was smarter or a bit more stylish, but they love me as I am and are polite enough not to tell me what they think 😆

I'm not a fan of leggings and t-shirt really. I'd rather my DD wore a dress or t-shirt and shorts etc

It's fine for lounging in the house or sports activités though

Hmmm... I wear leggings with a T shirt and I was 8 over 30x years ago.... Oops!

@liveforsummer I live in a big city. And I meant 9 year old are often speeding into puberty. I'm walking so I lost half my sentence sorry
Seriously I feel strongly about attire fir women and men.
There's no need for slovenly dressing it disrespects the community who have to look at the bits hanging out.
Obvs I'm not talking about in yr own house or little ones being comfortable (leggings are preferable to jeans on toddlers).
The schoolgirls in translucent tights like leggings think it's OK to show their knickers cos the adults do.
Simple as that.
Home looms so bye & thanks again op.

There's no need for slovenly dressing it disrespects the community who have to look at the bits hanging out.

I manage to wear my leggings without any ‘bits’ hanging out 😂

I didn't dress my girls in leggings when they were younger as I cannot stand them, I've never worn leggings in my life, not a fan of jeans and I never wear any kind of trousers.

I don't like the look of leggings on anyone, but if either of my DDs had wanted to wear them when they were younger, then I wouldn't have stopped them.

DD2 refused to wear anything other than dresses when she was 9. Even now, as an adult she'd rather wear a dress.

I'm cringing for the dc's of some posters on here 😬

I was that kid with the mum who didn't have a clue about fashion and wouldn’t let me wear the clothes that my friends were wearing because she thought it didn't look nice. It was mortifying! Just let your kids wear whatever they want ffs. You realise that they are people in their own right and not just extensions of you?

And the "you buy her clothes, just fill her wardrobe with clothes you want her to wear" type comments are really controlling. She's nearly 9 fgs 🤦‍♀️ all the girls that age that I know are starting to be interested in fashion and choose their own clothes. You can't dictate what they wear just because you pay for the clothes. Okay yeah some things are either age inappropriate or weather inappropriate but leggings do not fall into those categories. It's 2021, leggings are not underwear and anyone with even a remote sense of fashion does not wear them under dresses or shorts 🤣

@shesellsseacats

I`m thinking of an earlier post where people were worried about girls climbing trees and turning cartwheels in skirts

Yeah, that's all kind of wrong (making girls feel uncomfortable for climbing trees or doing cartwheels I mean, not the wearing of skirts).

To reiterate, I'm not talking about going to the park. I'm talking about situations like going to a restaurant for example. Somewhere you're expected to be a bit less casual.

Tbh there aren't that many restaurants where people would bat an eyelid at leggings these days now!

Fair enough at a properly posh restaurant but most no. I don't think about 'dressing up' to go to a restaurant unless I want to, its a properly special occasion or its really posh.

Indeed I've had the opposite problem where ive worried about whether im too dressed up before now!

I just don't think its expected mainly because eating out is so normalised and ordinary in 2021.

Tbh hospitality venues including restaurants are so desperate to claw back lost income, I think wearing leggings to eat is very low in the list of things they give a crap about right now

Also, 'bits hanging out' with leggings?

Plenty of people manage that in dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts etc... If you wear an item of clothing correctly and fits correctly its not an issue. Nor is it one unique to leggings.

Teenage boys wearing jeans around their knees to show off their underpants and discussions about builders bums (for all ages and sexes) don't seem to be the topic of too many threads. Its just cameltoes and tits hanging out, that seem to get widely commented on. Can't think why...

This is a really interesting post for what it reveals.

• a fair bit of snobbery around leggings.
• some people feel fat people shouldn’t wear leggings.
• Some people perceive leggings to be revealing.

I have a daughter who has issues with clothes and gets very worried about the feel, fit of clothes and whether they make her look “ugly.” I was brought up by practical northern parents from very very poor backgrounds who always taught me not to judge a book by its cover - and in the rural setting I grew up in, people mainly wore fleeces and trainers anyway.
I let my daughter wear whatever she wants as some days it’s enough of a stress for her to just get stressed. I don’t judge other children by their clothes.

And leggings and a tunic dress is my go to work outfit - hilarious to think someone might have an inner monologue about my sausage legs 😂

People now wear bralettes, as in basically just bras, as tops. The idea that we're still socially at the point where leggings are too revealing to be considered proper clothes is just laughable.

Fashion changes. Standards of "modesty" change. How arrogant would you have to be to assume it's going to be indefinitely defined by the standards of the late 20th century.

There's no need for slovenly dressing it disrespects the community who have to look at the bits hanging out

I can not seriously believe anyone could type those words with a straight face.

Unless someone is topless or walking down the high street in a bikini, I can say hand on heart I really don't notice what others are wearing let alone feel disrespected by random strangers clothing choices

Good job some posters don't live in Spain/Greece/Portugal etc as they would be horrified seeing women in the supermarkets in swimwear as its so bloody hot

My 9 year old has pretty much worn nothing else (bar school uniform) since she was well younger than two. She has had lots of other clothes available, just never wore them. Not something that bothers me.

He'll probably just stop coming out with you soon. That's what my nephew did.

@liveforsummer we have reached a compromise because going out with us means great food in nice restaurants and he lives for his fancy food. So I've bought him a few pairs of smart Levi's and some Paul Smith tops and t shirts plus some nice shirts by designers he likes so that he always has something to wear that isn't his usual joggers.

He's 16 and currently out skateboarding with his mates in a ridiculously expensive t shirt and a pair of horrible cheap Next joggers. I have to keep my disapproval to myself.

I think the unicorn trousers favoured by the OP are too babyish for a 9 year old but I guess it depends on children and their friendship groups.

I am genuinely shocked that people think leggings are “slovenly”. This is something my mum would say and she is 87 and in fairness grew up in the 40’s when wearing hats & gloves to town was essential.

I think the OP would be horrified at the number of people in Wrexham who go to Tesco in their pyjamas.

I could fill my DDs wardrobe with whatever I think is suitable for her. She wouldn't wear it though. The unicorn trousers are ridiculous and more the sort of thing a 5 year old would wear. I like my DD to look nice when we go anywhere. I may make her change in to a smarter leggings and tshirt for that. River Island do some nice sets for tweens and teens.

It isn't a look I particularly like in anyone, regardless of age.
Outside of sport wear, for me leggings should be worn more like tights - so under a longer top/tunic/dress/skirt but not with a short t shirt.
This is even more so when they are cheaper leggings so often almost see though; you can often see pants through them.

However, I know some people like to wear them that way.

Would I have let my own Dd wear them that way at that age? Generally not, no. I'd ask her to change either her top to a longer one, or change the leggings to something thicker such as trousers, jeans, Joggers or a skirt, etc.
If she was just playing I'd have let it go but not if leaving the house.

My 8 year old would laugh at the unicorn leggings also. You might get the odd 9 year old still wearing them but they won't last long. I think the leopard ones look like toddler wear. The blue flowers are nice but wouldn't be the taste of either of my DD's

@NerrSnerr

*Don't you care about the state of the streets and people's sloppy dressing? If men dressed the way loads of women do they'd be arrested under the obscenity laws. Teach her some self-respect.*

What the bloody hell are you on about? This is probably similar to what she is wearing. Leggings are not underwear, they're just a different type of trousers. Many men wear very tight trousers, similar to leggings nowadays (ultra trendy young folk!)

I didn't really mean that style of legging. It was more the plain, usually thinner, ones. That style I think are fine - though def prefer the looser and slightly longer style top being worn with it.

Those trousers are really babyish.

Op is the issue she’s growing up? Ans you don’t like it? Are you trying to keep her a baby?

Lol! I'm not judging children, I'm definitely judging adults - but not assuming anything about economics or whatever asserted snobbery pp have mentioned. Yeah, slovenly dressing. That's not the same as going to the supermarket in swimwear, in hot countries. Its a comment about people not giving af about how they step outside. And they should. Because communities that successfully care about each other, that brim with empathy, do consider others & have self-respect.
I've been deeply, clinically depressed & my neighbours picked it up as I no longer cared how I dressed, would go out in huge shapeless tees & leggings, hair unbrushed.
Our clothes send myriad messages. It's worth considering. And for the millionth time, boys & men in vile grey joggers showing their bits, or the pitiful prison inmate aping trend for showing their pants belt-free, is as ludicrous as girls and women showing their undies & more off.
Well, I guess the low rise trousers are on their way back so perhaps we can all scrap over the acceptability of thongs & muffin tops 😊
OP I really hope your dd navigates the oncoming teen years with confidence, self-assurance, & self-respect.
With a thoughtful dm like you, she's got a great start.