To sometimes feel unlucky to be a woman?

[ttcsucks]

Controversial statement I know. There are many things I love about being female, however the one thing that I feel is a massive hinderance is hormones.

Being driven by hormones and how I ‘feel’ all the time affects my life.

It affects my job, how I think, how I behave, relationships, how rational I am and I feel this is something experienced by many women (in fact, I don’t know any women of varying degrees of course that are not the same)

AIBU to just wish I was in a level stable mood all the time, no ups or downs - driven by my head not my heart at all times and not be driven by my emotions?

There are other biology related things that make me feel this way too but probably for another thread!

And also I'm prepared for a flaming, but I'm just being honest about my own personal feelings.

I think YABU to conflate hormones and feelings and being a woman. They are not one and the same thing. I certainly dont experience what you describe. YANBU to feel that way though, just dont assume its because you're female.

I don't have this "hormonal feelimgs affecting my life". But man or woman, everyone has up and downs. Being ruled by feelings isn't hormonal imho, but just the type of a person. And we are all different, some are more sensitive, some aren't. From some it's beaten up quite early whichever way they were because "you are x you shouldn't y!" and other crap.

My husband is more up and down than me for sure and is more aware of and affected by his feelings. So not sure if it’s a woman thing?

So does no one get PMT, pregnancy hormones, cry at things more than men generally? Are those not more female biological traits.

I appreciate I'm generalising here but I even look at my workplace - women cry about situations far more often than the men do.

There must be something biological going on here or is it societal more so or just coincidental?!

Yes , I totally get it.

A guy was explaining how he'd changed his life/diet/fitness to a couple of us a few weeks ago. Really interesting and more power to him etc, but at the point where he was telling us that now he didn't drink alcohol or eat sugar, he knew exactly how he'd feel every morning, and how he could really feel the slightest thing different in his diet.

I laughed, then I wanted to cry, because that isn't something I can even get close to with the way my hormones are always lurching around. I wouldn't say I'm driven by feelings necessarily, but definitely how my body feels is often not under my control.

women cry about situations far more often than the men do.

I think that's more because "boys don't cry so stop it or I will give you reasons to cry!" than female biology.... Sorry

well I agree that being a woman is certainly a disadvantage (I've just read The Authority Gap that has literally hundreds of examples why this is the case) I also don't recognize what you are describing. What does your doctor think, it sounds quite extreme.

How old are you?. I've finally got my HRT cocktail perfected. It's a game changer.

Honestly, I find it odd that only one poster sees what I mean!

It's a well known thing that women are more nuture/emotions hence why more often than not we are primary carer for example.

Appreciate debatable as to whether the hormonal thing is an advantage or disadvantage but it is actually a fact that our hormones And brains work differently to men.

I just found this too on google;

In numerous studies females score higher than males in standard tests of emotion recognition, social sensitivity and empathy. Neuroimaging studies have investigated these findings further and discovered that females utilise more areas of the brain containing mirror neurons than males when they process emotions.

I know what you’re describing doesn’t apply to everyone but I can relate. I suffer from awful PMS, bloating, mood swings etc and then I feel like shit when I’ve got my period. Usually pretty tired after it as I struggle to keep my iron levels up. I’m showing signs of peri so everything is all over the place. I do sometimes wish I’d been born a man.

I agree OP. It wasn't really until I became pregnant (in my early 30's) that I truly realised the impact of hormones on my body and mind. It has only got steadily worse, and I'm now mid 40's. Hormones have massively affected me and everything I do or am capable of doing.

Our brains are wired differently to men and depending on the type of woman you are and the type of job you do/life you lead I guess can be looked at as a negative or a positive.

Same goes for guys im sure some of them feel being male is a hinderance to the life they wish to lead - but the job I do and many other aspects I feel being female and the biological attributes that come with it can sometimes often get in my way!

That doesn't mean I want to be a man either as there's lot I love about being a woman but also lots that get in the way. For me anyway

I don't recognise these feelings at all either. I suppose I do cry a bit more easily than my Dh but maybe thats because it's allowed for a woman. I did have emotional swings when I had a period but didn't feel that they were bad or disadvantaged me in any way. Is it wrong to cry?

And aren't men slaves to their hormones as well. I love having a womans body and am fully aware of the ways that I can be oppressed because of it, but still wouldn't change it.

@G5000 I will try the book thanks

Eh?

Hormones influence my mood. They don't control it.

No l don't feel unlucky to be a woman, no way would l want a penis. Ew.

It's a well known thing that women are more nuture/emotions hence why more often than not we are primary carer for example

Talking about children, yes. Usually because they for a while physically depends on the mother and yes. The hormones in.there play the role otherwise who would actually stick with no sleeping for years and all that around🙈.

But I strongly believe it's more societal in later stages. Especially when caring responsibility is about parents or other family members. It's just simply expected (it's actually on another thread as well atm).

@Thatstheway I'm 35, yet to have children too I'm sure then I'll really feel the full effects of the disadvantages lol! Childbirth amongst many other things, the list goes on...

I wouldn't have known what you meant until the last year when I've become post menopause and all the negative hormonal stuff has stopped. Its amazing. I certainly wish I could have experienced my earlier life feeling like this. I'd have been so much happier. As the song says '...we're not the fortunate ones..'

@SchrodingersImmigrant

It's a well known thing that women are more nuture/emotions hence why more often than not we are primary carer for example

Talking about children, yes. Usually because they for a while physically depends on the mother and yes. The hormones in.there play the role otherwise who would actually stick with no sleeping for years and all that around🙈.

But I strongly believe it's more societal in later stages. Especially when caring responsibility is about parents or other family members. It's just simply expected (it's actually on another thread as well atm).

That's a good point about societal in later stages and I agree - and would post that in the additional disadvantages section!

It's not controversial. Being a woman is objectively pretty shit.

I totally agree with you @ttcsucks! I know a few women who really haven't been troubled by their hormones at all during their life ie easy periods, easy to conceive, sailed through menopause, but sadly all of these have been utter shite for me. I kept being told things would improve if I "lost a bit of weight" so I lost a lot of weight and guess what, it's actually made things worse. What the f are we meant to do to help ourselves?!

I’m not ‘driven by hormones’ at all.

Yes, I am more empathetic and perhaps sensitive than my husband, but I don’t experience mood swings or ups and downs like you describe.

I don’t think this is par for the course as a woman. I would definitely suggest speaking with a healthcare professional to see what could be done, as it doesn’t seem like much fun having to live like this.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

women cry about situations far more often than the men do.

I think that's more because "boys don't cry so stop it or I will give you reasons to cry!" than female biology.... Sorry

True. I agree that men are more conditioned into hiding their tears than women are. However, female tear ducts are apparently smaller which makes hiding tears harder for a female. This is only what I have read in various articles over the years though. It could be erroneous.

The idea that men aren’t driven by mood changes is, I think, very much a social lens thing.

We get told all the time that women are emotional and men are rational. But we also see, all the time, high male suicide rates, men who fall to pieces when their football team loses, men who get angry because they’ve been insulted, men who take their bad mood out on animals, men who drink too much, etc.

I don’t think men are less affected by hormones, just different ones. They aren’t more rational, they invest their emotion in different things. And the way men and women express their moods is very much tempered by social expectations and what is “acceptable” for each sex.

On a personal level, I haven’t ever really found myself to be more emotional than men in general. I’ve never noticed PMT. I’m good at compartmentalising. I’m really quite rational and very much tend to choose mind over heart when it comes to decision making. I know a lot of other women with these qualities. After giving birth and when I started approaching menopause I had low mood that, in hind sight was probably at least partly hormonal. But men get that too.