To sometimes feel unlucky to be a woman?

[ttcsucks]

Controversial statement I know. There are many things I love about being female, however the one thing that I feel is a massive hinderance is hormones.

Being driven by hormones and how I ‘feel’ all the time affects my life.

It affects my job, how I think, how I behave, relationships, how rational I am and I feel this is something experienced by many women (in fact, I don’t know any women of varying degrees of course that are not the same)

AIBU to just wish I was in a level stable mood all the time, no ups or downs - driven by my head not my heart at all times and not be driven by my emotions?

There are other biology related things that make me feel this way too but probably for another thread!

My moods swung more when I was younger. I felt much more stability when I had hormone contraception. I stopped with that after dc2 and can feel a difference but still pretty steady thankfully.

@NumberTheory

The idea that men aren’t driven by mood changes is, I think, very much a social lens thing.

We get told all the time that women are emotional and men are rational. But we also see, all the time, high male suicide rates, men who fall to pieces when their football team loses, men who get angry because they’ve been insulted, men who take their bad mood out on animals, men who drink too much, etc.

I don’t think men are less affected by hormones, just different ones. They aren’t more rational, they invest their emotion in different things. And the way men and women express their moods is very much tempered by social expectations and what is “acceptable” for each sex.

On a personal level, I haven’t ever really found myself to be more emotional than men in general. I’ve never noticed PMT. I’m good at compartmentalising. I’m really quite rational and very much tend to choose mind over heart when it comes to decision making. I know a lot of other women with these qualities. After giving birth and when I started approaching menopause I had low mood that, in hind sight was probably at least partly hormonal. But men get that too.

This OP are you sure you don’t have some sort of hormonal (or otherwise) disorder?

Imagine the reactions if men were coming out of cinema after watching Titanic with red eyes and noses and sniffly...
Now imagine it's group of women.
Now you have an answer to why they aren't showing emotions and women are.

I liked one poster on another thread who said something like "if you squeeze any emotion hard enough, it will become an anger" and I felt that. And anger🙄

My experience (others may be different) is that I was a very stoic child who rarely cried until puberty hit around the age of thirteen. Since then, I have been unable to hide my emotions - I couldn't do it to save my life.

I also suffer from endometriosis, which is due to being biologically female. Very painful. I don't feel unlucky to be a woman per se but I see where you are coming from.

Men are just as driven by their hormones. Just different levels of different hormones. Check out the stats for men as perpetrators of violent crimes, sexual crimes, rates of incarceration, suicide, and then tell me men are in aggregate more rational and self-controlled than women are. You're buying into society's myths about women. Yes we are different to men, and yes hormones influence us. But we are not inherently out of control or weak because of that. In fact, in aggregate, women are far better at controlling their negative impulses than men,based on statistics.

I totally get you op x

Ok guys - maybe my post should have said hormones and societal forces.

I'm probably not explaining myself very well but there are I believe things in society, our brains and our hormones that make men and women very different.

Our brains and biological make up is different and depending on what type of life you lead - these things can be positive or negative experiences.

I dont know really. I do find that i had painful periods and get very hungry at certain times of the month and i get a rush of prostaglandin which gives me the runs.

But men seem a lot angrier with the whole testosterone thing and i dont know if id like that much either.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

women cry about situations far more often than the men do.

I think that's more because "boys don't cry so stop it or I will give you reasons to cry!" than female biology.... Sorry

Yes. This is gendered socialisation talking, not biology.

Think it’s luck of the draw isn’t it? I’ve never really suffered but I have one DD who gets terrible pains related to periods and one DD who is very hormonal depending on time of month.

I will say though pregnancy changes things. Before I had a baby I never got PMT. Tbh I thought it was a myth used by by some women to justify being a bit of a bitch. Then after pregnancy and bf, wheny periods came back OH MY GOD. Actually suicidal the day before I come on, out of nowhere. And every bloody month I forget, so I'll be going to the toilet to havea cry about how my life is a disaster and I've made dreadful, dreadful mistakes, then sit down and come on and go "OOOOOOOH, that's what it is!!" 😆 Pain in the arse.

Agreed with male aggression being the equivalent to perceived female emotional outbursts.

@Draineddraineddrained

Men are just as driven by their hormones. Just different levels of different hormones. Check out the stats for men as perpetrators of violent crimes, sexual crimes, rates of incarceration, suicide, and then tell me men are in aggregate more rational and self-controlled than women are. You're buying into society's myths about women. Yes we are different to men, and yes hormones influence us. But we are not inherently out of control or weak because of that. In fact, in aggregate, women are far better at controlling their negative impulses than men,based on statistics.

Oooh this.

@Draineddraineddrained Sometimes a literal pain in the arse!

@ttcsucks

Ok guys - maybe my post should have said hormones and societal forces.

I'm probably not explaining myself very well but there are I believe things in society, our brains and our hormones that make men and women very different.

Our brains and biological make up is different and depending on what type of life you lead - these things can be positive or negative experiences.

Your OP is specifically about your own mood swings (which you attribute to being a woman). PP have pointed out that it’s not necessarily so.

Not sure what you’re actually trying to say now….?

@TractorAndHeadphones I mean me feeling unlucky to be a women is about kore than just the hormones.

But I also think posters are in denial to believe our hormones do not make us more emotional.

I wonder how many of us are on some form of hormonal contraceptive ?

I did get a bit of a surprise when i came off the pill about how much it affected my libido which i hadnt noticed

@Elephantsparade

I wonder how many of us are on some form of hormonal contraceptive ?

I did get a bit of a surprise when i came off the pill about how much it affected my libido which i hadnt noticed

I used to be but stopped many years ago.

Made me into a horrible person and made the hormones worse!

Have I wandered into a parallel universe?! Why is this thread full of women denying that we (as a class) have hormonal cycles that change how we feel from day to day?!!

Yes, some women are affected by this more than others - and, in my experience and reading many many threads - it tends to get worse as you get older.

And of course, the hormone changes / imbalance that occurs with pregnancy is just one of the physical issues we have to deal with whilst also dealing with life / work.

Men don't have monthly fluctuations in key hormones that control their bodies.

Men don't have to deal with the withdrawal / imbalance of these vital hormones as they get older.

Of course women have to live life through a hormonal filter that men simply don't have to deal with. And that's pants.

I feel unlucky to be a woman for many reasons but this is not one of them for me. My moods don't seem to be effected by my cycle and I only cry if someone's died really.

My periods have always been heavy and irregular but other than that I've never had any symptoms emotionally/physically so it doesn't impact my life.

@Elephantsparade

Yessss this. Bloody pill nearly killed my sex life stone dead (and breastfeeding is having a bloody good go at doing the same!) Libido massively affected by hormones both real and artificial. But then so are men's.

@FusionChefGeoff

Have I wandered into a parallel universe?! Why is this thread full of women denying that we (as a class) have hormonal cycles that change how we feel from day to day?!!

Yes, some women are affected by this more than others - and, in my experience and reading many many threads - it tends to get worse as you get older.

And of course, the hormone changes / imbalance that occurs with pregnancy is just one of the physical issues we have to deal with whilst also dealing with life / work.

Men don't have monthly fluctuations in key hormones that control their bodies.

Men don't have to deal with the withdrawal / imbalance of these vital hormones as they get older.

Of course women have to live life through a hormonal filter that men simply don't have to deal with. And that's pants.

Thank you!! This is the exact point I'm trying to make you've articulated it much better than me!!!

I am baffled how so many posters are denying this - what do you think happens to our bodies every 28 days?!?!?!

@Recessed why do you feel unlucky to be a woman if not talking hormones?

Just out of interest?

@FusionChefGeoff

I think it's the OP's implication that men are not subject to hormonal influence on their mood and behaviour, whereas the gender split for murder (for example) would suggest otherwise.

No one is denying we don't have hormonal circles. Most of us are saying we are not ruled by it. My life is not ruled by my hormones or emotions, nor am I crying often. Doesn't mean I have no emotions or mood swings like everyone does.
Moods are certainly not affecting my life to the point I would feel unlucky to be a woman.

At least society has low enough expectations of me unlike of my DH so I don't have to feel that pressure as a mere woman
#positiveattitude 😁