To sometimes feel unlucky to be a woman?

[ttcsucks]

Controversial statement I know. There are many things I love about being female, however the one thing that I feel is a massive hinderance is hormones.

Being driven by hormones and how I ‘feel’ all the time affects my life.

It affects my job, how I think, how I behave, relationships, how rational I am and I feel this is something experienced by many women (in fact, I don’t know any women of varying degrees of course that are not the same)

AIBU to just wish I was in a level stable mood all the time, no ups or downs - driven by my head not my heart at all times and not be driven by my emotions?

There are other biology related things that make me feel this way too but probably for another thread!

For myself and all my friends (some more than others) and nearly all women I have spoke to about his subject hormones have such a drive in our lives

I felt really really low in mood the other day - hormones

Sex drive isn’t what it was - hormones

Energy levels lower - hormones

Brain fog - hormones

Ridiculous high sex drive last year - hormones

Confidence when ovulating - hormones

Low confidence and intrusive thoughts - hormones

Are just some hormonal symptoms

I would like to not have the constant hormonal changes that do effect me physically and emotionally

I guess I'm just wondering would you prefer to live your life (not s few days s month but ALL THE TIME) with your temper on a hair trigger and constantly plagued by unwanted sexual urges? Some philosopher or other described male libido as "like being handcuffed to a lunatic". Men are categorically more prone to impulsive acts of violence that ruin their lives, and it is hard to put this down to anything but testosterone when the split is so dramatic.

I mean there are a lot of ways in which men are advantaged over women, but being blessed with consummate rationality and self control is certainly not the first thing that springs to mind.

The crying thing is actually not one that affects me I hardly cry! But I see women crying so often - at work for example but as other posters suggest perhaps that's more society and what's accepted and what's not.

I just think hormones are a fucker, to put it bluntly! As much of my life they are just not helpful day to day.

I see what posters mean about anger and murder amongst men but how many men murder? It's a small minority.

I don't think anger is as widespread amongst men as much as mood changes due to periods and pregnancy which almost every woman experiences.

I don’t know. I would have normally disagreed with you but I’ve been in peri menopause since December and this whole year has felt like those first few days after giving birth emotionally. I’m unfortunately not allowed to have HRT due to a heart condition so am just having to put up with it. Hoping it doesn’t drag out for 10 years like my mums did 😭

@OhWhyNot

For myself and all my friends (some more than others) and nearly all women I have spoke to about his subject hormones have such a drive in our lives

I felt really really low in mood the other day - hormones

Sex drive isn’t what it was - hormones

Energy levels lower - hormones

Brain fog - hormones

Ridiculous high sex drive last year - hormones

Confidence when ovulating - hormones

Low confidence and intrusive thoughts - hormones

Are just some hormonal symptoms

I would like to not have the constant hormonal changes that do effect me physically and emotionally

This exactly this. Confused how so may posters don't seem to see any evidence of this if not in themselves in their social circles.

The only time I had many issues what when my vit d was low. I was tired, sad, anxcious, moody, tiiiiiiired, total brain fog .

This exactly this. Confused how so may posters don't seem to see any evidence of this if not in themselves in their social circles.

I don't really talk hormones with my friedns

I understand what you are saying. But I don't consider it to be a hindrance. I understand my cycle and how it impacts my mood and energy levels. I don't feel like it negatively impacts my life in the ways you have described. Being more emotional makes me more compassionate in dealing with things. I've never cried in work.

If people are regularly crying in work, I'd be questioning if they're in the right job regardless of sex.

The only time I've found it to be a hindrance to be female is when the rest of my family can go for a wee in the bush and I have to find a toilet.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

This exactly this. Confused how so may posters don't seem to see any evidence of this if not in themselves in their social circles.

I don't really talk hormones with my friedns

Neither do I but I see their hormones playing out in them often.

Sensitive, emotional, ruled by heart over head often etc etc

@SchrodingersImmigrant

No one is denying we don't have hormonal circles. Most of us are saying we are not ruled by it. My life is not ruled by my hormones or emotions, nor am I crying often. Doesn't mean I have no emotions or mood swings like everyone does. Moods are certainly not affecting my life to the point I would feel unlucky to be a woman.

At least society has low enough expectations of me unlike of my DH so I don't have to feel that pressure as a mere woman
#positiveattitude 😁

Agreed. And I say that as someone in perimenopause facing gynae surgery. Hormones don’t in any way rule my emotional life. I have emotions. I cried at the end of sad novel today. But that was because I felt sat. Hormones didn’t make me do it. The only time I’ve ever cried at work was with relief and pleasure when I won a big research award unexpectedly.

Men live their lives through the hormonal filter of testosterone. Given how they behave I would rather have ours. But I'm not sure if the op recognises just how insidious sex-differentiation is and how soon it starts. Try this as a quick introduction. I remember my dd being the only little girl at nursery not dressed in pink, and you are kidding yourself if you think they don't notice. We are programmed to notice and adapt to our cultural surroundings.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/magazine-40936719 "Gender specific toys: do you stereotype children?"

Being more emotional makes me more compassionate in dealing with things.

Yes, but it depends what things you're dealing with as to whether this helps or hinders things for you.

It depends what life you lead, as to whether your emotions help or hinder.

@ttcsucks

I don't think anger is as widespread amongst men as much as mood changes due to periods and pregnancy which almost every woman experiences

Why? Although it's comforting to imagine only a small minority of men experience out of control anger and aggression, domestic violence rates are so high they can hardly be attributed to a " small minority". Of course people who are criminally violent are a small subset of people in general, but the split is considerably weighted towards men - so from a risk analysis pov, although likelihood is low severity of consequence is high (imprisonment). I think I'd prefer a middling likelihood of crying at work Vs a small likelihood of getting so angry I punch out the boss, or indeed prevent myself from punching the boss but go home angry and take it out on my spouse by battering her instead.

I think hormonal contraceptives blunt hormonal effects for many women

And for some it gets worse (like myself)

I have a friend who doesn’t get the ovulation feeling super confident feeling she doesn’t ovulate due to the contraception she is on neither does she get pmt or feel emotionally any different around her period

But surely you’ve just chosen ‘sensitive, emotional etc’ friends, OP? I’m female and I’m strongly head over heart. I’m hard-headed, intellectually-motivated etc.

@OhWhyNot yes there's another thing to mess with us and hormone balances, the pill.

@OhWhyNot

I think hormonal contraceptives blunt hormonal effects for many women

And for some it gets worse (like myself)

I have a friend who doesn’t get the ovulation feeling super confident feeling she doesn’t ovulate due to the contraception she is on neither does she get pmt or feel emotionally any different around her period

I’m 49 and had never used hormonal contraception until earlier this year when I had a mirena coil inserted to deal with bleeding. I can’t say I noticed any difference in my emotions.

Pill only affects you if you take it. Biggest pup ever sold to women as "liberation". True liberation is being able to tell a man he can fuck off trying to have sex with me without taking precautions, not taking artificial hormones so he can fuck away as he pleases without consequences.

Hormones are a PITA but it's the patriarchy which is the cage which mars and ruins womens lives.

Without the patriarchy, hormones would be an inconvenience and women's inherent medical issues would be given due attention and medical care.

Brimorion my friends and I are all quite different

How we feel and how we behave can be very different

I’m an emotional gentle person but at work I often have to cut off those feelings.

@Brimorion

But surely you’ve just chosen ‘sensitive, emotional etc’ friends, OP? I’m female and I’m strongly head over heart. I’m hard-headed, intellectually-motivated etc.

No I haven't I'd say my friends are less emotional than most.

But they're still sensitive - for example a group of most blokes go out and let's say one has put on lots of weight, theylll tell him and they'll have a laugh about it.

That's not what happens with a group of most women they will cry and fall out.

Now maybe this is societal as opposed to hormones/emotional I don't know. But it's things like that make me feel unlucky to be female. So much more seems to bother/offend/upset us as women.

I hate to offend anyone by saying this but I do feel we are more emotionally fragile in most cases, not all but in a lot.

If you don't see this you must be living under a rock!

Maybe that is empowerment for some women, for me I find it hinderance.

That’s your experience Brimorion there are many women who have suffered terribly the side effects of hormonal contraceptives have been very much played down

Why because it very convenient for men

The mirena coil lists mood changes as one of the main potential side effects. Obvioysly not all people get all side effects but enough people must have reported it.

@FusionChefGeoff

Have I wandered into a parallel universe?! Why is this thread full of women denying that we (as a class) have hormonal cycles that change how we feel from day to day?!!

Yes, some women are affected by this more than others - and, in my experience and reading many many threads - it tends to get worse as you get older.

And of course, the hormone changes / imbalance that occurs with pregnancy is just one of the physical issues we have to deal with whilst also dealing with life / work.

Men don't have monthly fluctuations in key hormones that control their bodies.

Men don't have to deal with the withdrawal / imbalance of these vital hormones as they get older.

Of course women have to live life through a hormonal filter that men simply don't have to deal with. And that's pants.

I was just thinking the same thing, who are all these women who aren’t plagued by hormonal changes and how did they get so lucky?! On the other hand I’d never really given consideration to how men feel driven by their urges. Maybe that’s another reason why it’s so shit to be a woman. Men who can’t or won’t control their urges and pester women and blame women for their failings. I have a few days most months when I want to divorce dh or wish him dead due to my hormones. I feel like my pelvic organs are in free fall every month because of my hormones. I wonder how much worse it’s going to get when I start menopause. I feel like a prey animal when I’m out after dark because I’m a woman. I worry about what my daughter will suffer because she’s a girl and will it be worse than it was for me because I know how shit it can be for women and girls because of our sex and because men. I actually wouldn’t swap being female but I do think it’s fucking hard work.

Hard agree. My hormones fluctuate quite a lot through the month, plus I get hormonal migraines and since having kids and developing some pelvic floor issues, those are very exacerbated by hormones. I'm mid-cycle now so have a lot more energy, patience, and my body feels like it works how it should. In 10 days I'm going to feel tired, snappy, and my body will feel much loser. It's hard to describe but other friends feel similarly. I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old so I'm hoping things calm down eventually when I wean!