Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH did a big shop & made this meal?

414 replies

lechatnoir · 14/08/2021 19:55

I've been at an event all day with one of my dc and asked DH to get a few bits from the shops. I asked him just get the basics to tide us over until the food order comes on Monday evening plus gave him the ingredients needed for a specific pasta salad dish my friend asked me to make for her bbq tomorrow.

So first AIBU: to be annoyed he did a massive shop - cupboards & fridge are full so I'm going to have to cancel the order I spent a good hour doing last night and then faff around working out whether we've actually got any meals for the week in the £180 shop he did Angry

And 2nd AIBU: to be really pissed off he's made some other completely random pasta salad dish. It does sounds lovely BUT it is neither what was requested by me/the host and won't be touched by the kids which was the whole point of mine! I can't work out if he was doing it to save me a job (in which case I look like a bitch) or to show-off his cooking he is a keen amateur chef convinced he'll win master chef one day Hmm

DH is always saying he feels he can't say or do anything without me criticising so I really really don't want to moan but FFS how hard is it to just get what I asked!

So AIBU and a negative, moaning old nag who needs to let it go or AINBU and he's a knob who ignores instructions & requests,, goes off piste then gets cross when criticised.

OP posts:
Postdatedpandemic · 14/08/2021 21:02

I really want to hear the other side of this one. OP spent a good hour doing an online shop? Honestly, it would have been quicker for DH to go, oh he did.

Your relationship sounds like it needs some work on reciprocal communication.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/08/2021 21:03

The main thing is that you have to decide who is in charge of / leads on what in your household and stick to that. You can't both be 'in charge' of the same thing.

What does he lead on, domestically?

MilduraS · 14/08/2021 21:03

He has no excuse for spending £180 if he watched you do the food order.

The pasta is more forgivable. He might have thought he would make an extra effort and find a fancier recipe.

Branleuse · 14/08/2021 21:05

I actually wouldnt particularly like it if my dp did the weekly shopping, as i like to do it. However, if my dp did do the weekly shop, i wouldnt criticise nor be eternally grateful. Its hardly a massive problem. Just make sure hes doing the cooking this week

frazzledasarock · 14/08/2021 21:05

Are you ‘bossy quite critical’ because if nobody takes charge and sorts things out you end up with a random massive shop that you can put meals together with and ‘superior’ culinary delights the kids don’t eat?

Do you have to be the adult because your H is off doing his own thing but isn’t actually practical for your family unit?

FunkyChickenMonkeyBusiness · 14/08/2021 21:05

I was going to say the same as @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g.

Have the same shop delivered for next week, save yourself doing it all over again. Plus then the shopping effort / meal planning on your part hasn't gone to waste.

Iwonder08 · 14/08/2021 21:05

Based on this post alone you sound very critical, unreasonably intense and controlling. It is just a food. He did food shopping and made a pasta thing while you were out and about. So what if it is different? Poor bloke.

Theunamedcat · 14/08/2021 21:06

Take the pasta dish and praise him at every opportunity tell everyone he made it especially for them arnt we all so fucking lucky

Literally turn over meal prep for the week you bought it you cook it

daisychain01 · 14/08/2021 21:07

I'm going to have to cancel the order I spent a good hour doing last night

Don't cancel the order!

Move it to a future week especially if it has a lot of your usuals in. Just book it for 2 weeks' time, them you haven't thrown away your hard work.

snowspider · 14/08/2021 21:07

I feel there is another side to this as you do come across as quite controlling. There must be lots of options for meals in the £180 worth of food in the cupboards. Maybe there is a compromise between meal planning and being flexible and spontaneous, just making a meal from the food available? Have a chat about your different approaches to feeding the family as the current regime clearly isn't working for both of you.

And just take the pasta salad, it's not going to be out of place.

daisychain01 · 14/08/2021 21:07

Sorry, I've cross posted!

Antwerpen · 14/08/2021 21:08

@Bookaholic73

Honestly, I’d just be grateful that he did a shop and made some dinner. Maybe it wasn’t what you asked, but at least he tried.
Why should she be 'grateful' FFS? Hmm
billy1966 · 14/08/2021 21:08

@thelastgoldeneagle

Well, the hand maidens are out in force tonight!! 😯😯

Op, yanbu. He's ignored your wishes to do his own thing, ignoring the mental effort you've made in making the Tesco order ( which isn't the same every week, as a pp suggested, unless you're really fucking dull and eat the same food every week). He hasn't solved the problem you asked him to solve; he's created new ones.

Yanbu at fucking all, op. I think some posters are so amazed if their partners ever think of cooking that they lose their minds 🙄

This.

Nothing more annoying than making a simple request when you are under pressure and him thinking he knows better.

He's an arse.

Let HIM tell your friend about the pasta dish.

Let HIM tell and show you EXACTLY what dinners he bought from the shop.

If there aren't any dinners in that shop you have every right to be very pissed off, more than you are now.

He's an arse for doing this.

Make sure HE feels the consequences of what he did.

He sounds like a twat AND a whine.

Aprilx · 14/08/2021 21:09

Yes YABU and a negative, moaning old nag. I am not at all surprised he feels he can’t do anything like if this is what you are normally like.

Theunamedcat · 14/08/2021 21:10

Him getting home late shouldn't be an issue he has shopped so therfore he can share what meals need to be cooked and what day

I spend time meal prepping then organise my meals by the dates on the food in the fridge its not hard he can do the shop he can do the organising bit too

Fhdfjiggvfhg · 14/08/2021 21:10

@SusieBob

We all know how this would go the other way.

"My DH has been out all day so rather than wait till Monday for the shop I thought I would get a shop in and make a nice dinner. Now he's home and complaining that it's not exactly what he wanted and is being all sniffy about it. Aibu to LTB?"

Mn double standards at their finest.

Exactly what I was thinking. Makes me value my balanced marriage more and more reading MN comments!
Frugblie · 14/08/2021 21:12

@lechatnoir

Yes he did know I've done a big order as he was sat next to me last night whilst we choose our meals together and I then place the order. I also specifically said just to get the basics to last until our food order comes Monday night (& he knows we're out for lunch tomorrow). I'll be asking what the plan is for this week and asking him to update/cancel the order if we're short of anything.

I'm keeping quiet about the pasta as whilst it's irritating given the host requested a specific dish & I told DH this - but it's honestly not worth falling out over it.

I am bossy and quite critical and am conscious of checking myself since DH voiced concerns but don't wish to become a martyr or 1950's housewife in the process!

I don't really get how loosening the reins and him doing more of the shopping and meal planning is being a martyr or a 1950s housewife? Surely being a martyr would be doing online orders which take you ages every week whilst he sits counting his toes. Posts don't always come across as intended online, but you do come across as quite bossy- 'I'll be asking him what the plan is'. Just say as you did the shopping can you fill the meal planner in, and then discuss going forward.
annacondom · 14/08/2021 21:12

Wow. YABU.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/08/2021 21:13

He can plan meals for you to cook, he just needs to do the planning, check all the ingredients are there and make a list of what meal for what day. Then either of you can do the actual cooking.

The planning job is his for this week.

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 21:14

Well, the hand maidens are out in force tonight!

Hardly. Just people who appreciate their spouse’s efforts. The quickest way to make sure someone stops pulling their weight is to criticise. In this house if either of us criticised like that the response would be “Fuck off and do it yourself then”.

CoffeeRunner · 14/08/2021 21:18

Heavens! My DH is the absolute opposite!

Would come back from the shop with £10 worth of food & expect me to work wonders with it.

I can only dream of DH doing what yours did!

SeeYouInFive · 14/08/2021 21:18

So sat next to you and did the weekly food order together with you and then the very next day went out and spent a further £180 on food? Fuck that. I’d be livid.

The pasta salad thing is irritating but if he didn’t completely understand the reason why it had to be specific ingredients then you could argue he probably thought he was helping out. But it still doesn’t solve the problem of the kids not having anything to eat at the BBQ tomorrow.

Doodlebug71 · 14/08/2021 21:19

The number of people here saying they'd be grateful their chap cooked/did a full food shop. WTAF??

What is that about? Some people set their bar incredibly low.

Goingdriving · 14/08/2021 21:19

It’s amazing how many people thing the OP should be congratulated for ‘making an effort’. ‘Making an effort’ isn’t sharing the workload - he’s a partner not a child. He did what he wanted and expects the OP to be grateful for it. Meanwhile the OP takes up the daily slack and that’s just what… to be expected?

Yaya26 · 14/08/2021 21:19

Tell you what. I'll swap!