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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH did a big shop & made this meal?

414 replies

lechatnoir · 14/08/2021 19:55

I've been at an event all day with one of my dc and asked DH to get a few bits from the shops. I asked him just get the basics to tide us over until the food order comes on Monday evening plus gave him the ingredients needed for a specific pasta salad dish my friend asked me to make for her bbq tomorrow.

So first AIBU: to be annoyed he did a massive shop - cupboards & fridge are full so I'm going to have to cancel the order I spent a good hour doing last night and then faff around working out whether we've actually got any meals for the week in the £180 shop he did Angry

And 2nd AIBU: to be really pissed off he's made some other completely random pasta salad dish. It does sounds lovely BUT it is neither what was requested by me/the host and won't be touched by the kids which was the whole point of mine! I can't work out if he was doing it to save me a job (in which case I look like a bitch) or to show-off his cooking he is a keen amateur chef convinced he'll win master chef one day Hmm

DH is always saying he feels he can't say or do anything without me criticising so I really really don't want to moan but FFS how hard is it to just get what I asked!

So AIBU and a negative, moaning old nag who needs to let it go or AINBU and he's a knob who ignores instructions & requests,, goes off piste then gets cross when criticised.

OP posts:
Booboosweet · 16/08/2021 09:42

I think you're being unfair to him. He did the shop and made the salad. If I were him I'd be pissed off at being bossed around and micro managed.

Nanny0gg · 16/08/2021 10:08

@Booboosweet

I think you're being unfair to him. He did the shop and made the salad. If I were him I'd be pissed off at being bossed around and micro managed.
How about asking what was required first?

Bet he manages that at work

girlmom21 · 16/08/2021 10:14

What if it was the only meat free/dairy free option which she now doesn't have ?

If I had a specific dietary requirement and was specifically told I'd be catered for and I got to the event and the only food on offer was a pasta salad, I'd be pretty disappointed.

If this is the case she's a shocking host regardless.

TractorAndHeadphones · 16/08/2021 10:46

@girlmom21

What if it was the only meat free/dairy free option which she now doesn't have ?

If I had a specific dietary requirement and was specifically told I'd be catered for and I got to the event and the only food on offer was a pasta salad, I'd be pretty disappointed.

If this is the case she's a shocking host regardless.

Exactly- which is why you see why the OP is upset when the limited dietary options are further reduced by the man messing up.
Whatwouldscullydo · 16/08/2021 10:51

If this is the case she's a shocking host regardless

Well no one can win anyway can they.

Its rude to turn up empty handed at an event.

But also rude to ask someone to bring something and to expect them to bring what they said they would.

Its rude to be specific someone should be able to to bring what they like regardless so if they were asked to bring beer but bring orange juice that's totally fine.

Do it all yourself to avoid having to rely on people who apparently want to help but also want to prove a point by not doing what was asked of them and doing what they want instead, and your a martyr.

Not being sufficiently grateful that someone's done something which u didnt want and didnt ask for and which leaves you with more work and stress is also rude.

Ultimately what matters is making that point ..who cares about the rest.

Probably just easier to stick with your family. Stuff that shit.

badg3r · 16/08/2021 13:38

I think the main problem is that it sounds like tou have set ways of doing things, ie, these jobs normally fall to you, and he has stepped in and thrown things off kilter. I've had the buying the "wrong" thing to take somewhere thing before but have realised that honestly it never matters. The shop would annoy me though because you've wasted time doing the online one. I think if he wants to pull his weight more he needs to be on the same page as you so you have a way of doing things, together, that either can take the lead on. Then he'll be actually helping

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/08/2021 13:45

Is anyone else curious about what happened with the pasta salad? Did anyone actually eat it? Was it hurled into the DH's face in fury by the host? We need to know!

Blossomtoes · 16/08/2021 14:25

How about asking what was required first?Bet he manages that at work

Bet he doesn’t have to, he’s probably treated like an adult at work. We’re not our partners’ boss.

Shakespeare79 · 16/08/2021 17:38

But you’d struggle at work if you didn’t communicate with team members and just went off doing your own random thing instead of contributing to an agreed goal 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
lechatnoir · 16/08/2021 21:46

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Is anyone else curious about what happened with the pasta salad? Did anyone actually eat it? Was it hurled into the DH's face in fury by the host? We need to know!
Well the kids picked out the artichokes and DH forgot the feta so it was actually quite well received Grin

Food shop is imminent and other than a casual "are you ok to update the food order now you've done a shop" I've bitten my tongue on the shopping too.

I still think DH made more work than he was saving but it was well intentioned and I do take on the board the comments about it not being as big a deal as I made it. I agree about the micromanagement so have asked DH to take over complete responsibility of a few more home/family things on the promise I don't get involved AT ALL unless asked.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/08/2021 01:00

Haha thanks for replying. I would have picked out the artichokes too, to be honest. And asked for feta. But glad all is well.

coodawoodashooda · 17/08/2021 06:19

Good on you op!

girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 06:58

Sounds like a decent outcome all around really - good work OP!

MangoBiscuit · 18/08/2021 09:26

Agreed, sounds like a good outcome, and I'm glad you both got it sorted.

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