To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

@ghostmouse

I don't enjoy life at the moment because i recently lost my husband to cancer. Now that's shit.

I'd love to have a normal life at the moment, enjoying the small mundane things that kept our lives going. I did genuinely enjoy my life when he was alive, my job meh just a cleaner.

When you lose a life partner it really makes you evaluate life.

Life IS worth living. He never got that chance

1 for me. I love my job but I'm the boss. It challenges me everyday and I'm always learning new things. I only work 3 days though so I have a good work life balance with lots of time for other things. I can say I'm truly happy.

For whoever asked about people who like their jobs - I used to work in childcare and really enjoyed the day-to-day aspects, loved setting up activities, sometimes going for nursery walks, loved playing with the kids and seeing them grow, and generally enjoyed the daily routine.

I left eventually as I was going back to education and couldn’t juggle full time work, kids, uni, so went to work in a store instead as it’s more flexible with different shifts and things, and actually better money too.

@whataboutbob

I’m intrigued that you go to the dump every Sunday.

I agree - sounds like you've been ground down with menial tasks and aren't taking the time to think about what you would genuinely enjoy and plan that into your days. Of course if you are depressed, that is much harder, but not impossible.

I enjoy my job - I'm a project manager for a charity. The work I do benefits all humankind and is challenging and requires me to grow, learn and develop skills, which are things I really value. I have supportive colleagues, by and large, and work in an interesting organisation.

I am single and without children (which is not how I would have planned things) but I value freedom and have many hobbies and interests and often try new things and visit new places. That has been the hardest thing about the last 18 months for me.

I feel the same as you

I’m not suicidal , not brave enough to take my life.

I am perfectly healthy, but I have already decided, that if I’m ever diagnosed with a potential life ending condition, I am not going to fight it.

My children are adults and financially secure, so I agree, what’s the point?

Sounds like you’re depressed OP. Don’t you take pleasure and enjoyment from anything around you?
If your job is really that monotonous and making you think like this, you really need to think of moving. But it’s like the old saying.. do you live to work or work to live? I know people in the most monotonous jobs but once it’s 5pm on Friday, they shut their office door and don’t even think about work for the next 2.5 days and have a bloody good time.

Try and take pleasure from the little things too - like the pp said “ I like to sit in my garden quietly reading and enjoying the sun. I think simple pleasures are the best.”

Today I went out and sat in my garden and the sun was beaming down on me. DH brought me a cold beer and I sat back and felt so happy and relaxed! Despite the piles of washing that needed doing and the complete mess of the house I’m living in!

I think people put too much emphasis on being happy about the big things. If you start enjoying the little things then you’ll realise they’re much more satisfactory! A sunny day, your favourite food dish, dancing to a song in the kitchen

A friend told me this story years ago, at a time I felt the same as you explained in your OP.

“There was a woman who developed excruciating pain all around her body, if she touched her leg she could scream in pain, and so did happen if she touched her head, her feet, her arms or her face.

Trying to find a solution, she went from one doctor to another one, from the experts to the alternative cures, but nothing worked, until a long time later when she was explaining all her ailments to an old doctor who took a look at her hand and said: you have a broken finger.”

So, there is no way that everything can be bad or grey in your life, you need to find what your broken finger.

In my case it was my ex, we got along well, we’re friends, were very compatible but I had fallen out of love. When we split it just felt as if the sun had came out, all the things I couldn’t enjoy before were suddenly wonderful, life was good and everything, all new and old stuff looked bright and nice.

I am not saying you need to leave your husband, you just need to find out what is making your life feel grey and joyless.

I love my job most of the time, work with fantastic people. If I didn’t like it I’d change jobs - life is way too short to spend most of your time working at something you don’t enjoy. We do impromptu things and make plans to look forward to stuff so the normal days are happy with good things in the future (that’s been harder in Covid).

Work out what bits you like in life and do that more!

@Freshorangewithlemonade,people say Oh shoot me/I'm not going in a home.

Without money,choices are limited ie keep going

Op, I thought like this. Says were dull, life was monotonous, nothing was enjoyable.
Then even dull was too much, it was just nothing, pointless, barely any emotion. I too thought about sudden accidents, illness, just disappearing into a hole. The way I felt when it was all just too much crept up on me so slowly that I didn't notice it, I didn't realise the way I was thinking was not right. My job is dull, I don't go on holidays, some weekends are spent tidying up, falling asleep on the sofa and getting stuff ready for school and work on Monday. But none of that is the reason why I can say that I enjoy my life.

Please see a GP. When you start to feel better you will realise how low you are now.

So strange to read this as I was thinking the exact same thing today and regularly ponder on it.

I would without a single doubt have ended my life if I could do it without upsetting people. I have absolutely no idea what the point is or how it is that everyone isn't asking themselves the same thing all the time.

Even if there are good bits and little pockets of joy... so what? It's still an endless life sentence to be endured amd with seemingly no point or purpose.

I feel very sad that one day my kids will realise this and possibly be annoyed that I brought them in to it.

Unfortunately how you are feeling is how most workers have done for centuries - they used to die younger, be devout churchgoers or just generally cheerful and not question the status quo too much.

And I very much sympathise with the younger people trying to make their way nowadays and I'm 59.

For a few post-war decades it was very easy for, frankly, very average people to do well in life - and raise families with just one earner; as any official childcare provision was pretty unheard of and not really necessary anyway.

Not so now.

The amount of people that are retiring 'early', not just my age, but even younger, buying second homes, etc is frankly obscene.

My own DM, a late entrant to Teaching, after doing the kid-stuff, described her 1990s teaching salary as 'obscene'.

A bubble of expectations was created, and we know now that it takes out of future resources to maintain. The generations that have to deal with it now just need to understand that, for their own sanity.

It would also be immensely helpful if those that are doing very well understood and articulated that actually they just got a bit lucky and their wealth isn't necessarily a product of their 'greater ability'.

Big fat zero for me. No enjoyment whatsoever, not even any delusion of happiness

I agree - sounds like you've been ground down with menial tasks and aren't taking the time to think about what you would genuinely enjoy and plan that into your days. Of course if you are depressed, that is much harder, but not impossible.

I agree.

You don’t need to go to the dump very often. Instead of doing an in person shop you could do an online shop or do it in person after work so on the weekends you are free to do something more fun like going to national trust properties or binge Netflix documentaries.

I’m 1. I love my job, I get to do interesting things and feel challenged everyday. There aren’t really any bits I don’t like and I have good job satisfaction. The conditions of work are good too (wfh, ten weeks off a year). My colleagues are great and I laugh a lot at work.
I have brilliant friends and usually have between 8-10 social activities a month which are always things I enjoy.
Admittedly I don’t love housework but I just listen to a podcast I do enjoy, and having a clean house gives me joy.

1) They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

Meaning in life comes from within. So yes, if you are framing things in a positive way, it is perfectly possible to empty a bin with pleasure, to feel grateful for having had all the food that went into the bin, for the people who will come and empty it, for your physical ability to do a useful task, for the stroll to the bin, etc etc. Or to just acknowledge it's a mundane task and do it without it weighing one down, at least.

I don't mean that if you hate your job you shouldn't take steps to change it, but generally our experiences are good or bad (or neutral) because of the stories we're telling ourselves.

I would suggest:

GP to discuss depression and check for any underlying causes.

Exercise.

Check your diet, nutrition, water intake, sunlight and fresh air, etc.

Counselling/therapy

Philosophy - maybe try Stoicism, Buddhism, Christianity - go to the library and root about in the self help section. Try a few things. Play around. See what helps.

Martha Beck wrote an interesting book called 'The Joy Diet' (she means 'diet' in the sense of a regime, not an eating diet).

Maybe you need to make some actual changes in your life, maybe you need to change your perspective. Keep trying things out, see what helps, try a combination of things. What would you tell your daughter if she came to you and said the same thing? I think it sounds like you have some pain that you are avoid'ng looking directly at and depression can be a reaction to that - its a sign you need to take action.

You have one precious life, OP, be kind to yourself and honour it.

OP I've not read all the replies but I do see where you're coming from. Mundane routine is a special kind of hell.

I actually have a 4) and that's something big to look forward to. We had a big life change planned which unfortunately got derailed by the pandemic response, and I'm now working and saving towards it again but the thought of it not happening and being stuck in the same situation forever is really bloody depressing.

You don't sound like you have anything special or specific you're looking forward to, planning or working towards, am I right?

I suspect it's harder with children. I gave that one a bodyswerve.

I feel like you too. I sometimes go to bed and hope I won't wake up. My DC, who adored me when they were young, are now teenagers and seem to absolutely hate me. I'm a single parent and a carer for an elderly relative who calls me every name under the sun and sometimes threatens to kill me. I too seem to spend all day cooking and doing housework. I think I need to try to make some changes for the sake of my mental health.

Yeah, you’re depressed. I believe all the same things as you but manage not to mind about it too relentlessly by adopting a ‘fuck it I’m here now so might as well make the best of it if I’m not going to kill myself’ approach. I found absurdism helpful for helping me understand that life cannot be assessed by the same values we use to assess everything else.
Also, sounds like you need a change, much of your complaint is about monotony which may feel mandatory but isn’t.
Good luck, you’re not alone. Rationally life is shit but also rationally it’s not shit as plenty of people find it meaningful.

Aah, that’s quite sad to read. I won’t deny that I get days like that every now and then. But a lot of the time life is good. For me personally, I think it is because I have things to look forward to, goals that I want to achieve. Every time I get a bit closer to those, it excites me.
Also, I like what I do for a living. Not ALL of it, but most of it. I’m a self published author.

Going out, experiencing things. Theatre, movies, walks, time with friends, new experiences,. That all feels good.
Making our home better. Maybe not the process, but the results of a newly decorated room, or sitting in a new garden and just BEing in that space where it looks nice and feels good.

Life is full of good things. I think sometimes we just need to remember to focus on a bit more.

You sound as if you’re really stuck in a bit of a rut. What will make you feel better?

@Omgthatssointeresting

I am really interested in what people enjoy about their job? Most people dislike their job - this is a research based fact. And by enjoy I don't mean 'it makes me feel important' or 'im making a difference' but specific things.ypi do each day that you look forward to. Perhaps I should focus on these. Also if.yoi don't.mind mentioning your job title too. Thanks

Seeing people and talking to them. You know, human contact. Getting out of the house and seeing daylight and breathing fresh air. Seeing trees and sky and clouds and birds, butterflies and flowers. Making somebody smile or laugh. Getting paid so that I can buy the food I like, do things we want after work or on days off and buy the things we need. Knowing that for yet another day, I'm still here.

1. For me.

Love my job, housework isn't the worst thing in the world and I get satisfaction from seeing it completed.

Where are you getting "most people don't enjoy their jobs..." from? Is that from a survey or something?

I feel the same a lot of the time OP. I don't see the point. Work all week in a fairly stressful job to barely manage to pay someone else's mortgage and put food on the table.

I do get pleasure out of things - reading, the beach, DC etc. But if I think about it, seriously what's the point, it's mostly just shit

I'm mostly 1. I have moments where I struggle but there are multiple points throughout my day, most days, where I think to myself 'what a fucking great life I have. I'm SO lucky!' Sorry is that sounds naff but it's true. I have done a lot of work on really noticing the small moments of happiness and stopping and acknowledging them. And also when things aren't great, recognising that just getting through is okay. I have done a lot of therapy in the past due to MH issues, I haven't always felt this way

YABU, though I feel harsh saying that as I felt the same when I was depressed. Sure life can get boring, but life is what you make of it.