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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 14/08/2021 20:25

I very rarely drink but I'm surprised at this. In France for example isn't it normal to have wine with evening meals? Like every day? And from being quite young as well?

golddustwomen · 14/08/2021 20:27

@SmidgenofaPigeon ha!! That's made my night that.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 20:28

@TheVolturi

I very rarely drink but I'm surprised at this. In France for example isn't it normal to have wine with evening meals? Like every day? And from being quite young as well?
Yep. Makes you wonder how they all survive beyond 40 years of age.

MN seems to be spearheading the new puritanism.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 20:31

I just checked my units per week. Despite just being told that my glass of wine with my evening meal is going to be detrimental to my health, it seems I'm only drinking 2/3 of the NHS 14 units a week.

So I'm not too worried.

MissConductUS · 14/08/2021 20:32

She was probably concerned that you might find it challenging to stop what was a regular habit.

KidneyBeans · 14/08/2021 20:32

[quote SunbathingDragon]@KidneyBeans considering one shot of gin is one unit (25ml) for the OP to have no idea how many units she has when she has one or two gins a night suggested to me that what she was having was a generous home measurement. Based on my line of work that means anywhere up to half a pint of gin per drink, or more, and to regularly drink over the recommended weekly alcohol guide and never feel even dizzy (OP’s words, not mine), does suggest a tolerance above what HCP usually consider to be a safe amount to drink.[/quote]
Oh right.
So based on zero evidence, you've imagined that when the OP says a gin she means a half pint and because she isn't feeling drunk from her 'half-pint of gin' she must be a raging alcoholic.

I guess that's the obvious assumption - rather than assuming she drinks a measure or two and doesn't get drunk as she's mindful of her family situation as she says in the OP.

Yep definitely no extreme extrapolation there!

FlyingRabbitsAtNoon · 14/08/2021 20:34

Based on my line of work that means anywhere up to half a pint of gin per drink, or more

I’m assuming you cannot possibly have meant to actually written that? Who, even eyeballing, is having 280ml of gin in one drink?! As in 11 measures of gin?

Yeah, I think most people would feel dizzy if they were drinking over a 1/3 standard bottle of gin PER DRINK but a measure is 25ml, eyeballing some might end up pouring a double. Not half a fucking pint.

No wonder you think everyone having a gin in the evening in an alcohol. That’s absurd.

veeeeh · 14/08/2021 20:35

@saraclara

Puritanism returns indeed!

I have often found that those who judge others with a holier than thou attitude are the very ones that need a wake up call themselves!

When vociferously and harshly judging others they are deflecting comments about their own failings, and we all have them.

Look....over there! Classic tactic.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/08/2021 20:36

It's the dependent behaviour pattern of drinking every day. It's as bad as occasional bingeing.

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 20:38

Loving the idea of half a pint of gin though. Jesus I think I’d hit the floor 😂

OP posts:
Carboncheque · 14/08/2021 20:38

People tend to underreport their own drinking when asked by health professionals. Also, unless you speak in terms of units, there isn’t necessarily a shared understanding about amounts of alcohol you’ve been drinking. That means that when someone, in full honesty, tells the midwife they have ’about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead’ that could mean anything from a maximum of 14 units a week (the limit for women) to 28+ units. She doesn’t know how big the glasses are. All she’s sure of is that you’re a regular drinker.

It’s their job to identify those who might be drinking or at risk of drinking while pregnant. You’re not, but the answers you gave mean they need to check.

Carboncheque · 14/08/2021 20:41

Do you need a pint glass to fit the tonic in? Grin

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 20:41

@Carboncheque yeah that’s fair enough and I don’t actually mind going to speak to someone, I have nothing to hide. I was just quite embarrassed that I’d been drinking enough to warrant a referral. I’m likely being naive but I assume that if you were drinking to the point of being drunk every day and day-drinking you life away then that would suffice… I genuinely just thought it’s quite common to have a drink most nights albeit not recommended or healthy.

OP posts:
SunbathingDragon · 14/08/2021 20:42

@KidneyBeans no, not at all. You are very defensive. I can see PP’s point. I’m not going to judge people and their drinking so you don’t need to justify yourself to me or worry about it.

@FlyingRabbitsAtNoon absolutely meant to write that. Sadly, it’s true and is what some people drink when they just pour themselves a drink or tell you they couldn’t possibly be drunk because they only had the one.

ninja · 14/08/2021 20:43

Medical staff will assume that you underestimate and will double what you say which makes more sense of their reaction

FatJan · 14/08/2021 20:43

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@MyMabel Just stop. You're tying yourself in knots now. Just admit you were being truthful in your first post, and you backpeddled.[/quote]
If love to see you in Italy or France, screaming at them for having a glad of red with their evening meal.

"YOU'RE DEPENDENT, ONLY BORING PEOPLE DRINK, IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM YOU'RE ONLY LYING TO YOURSELF"

FatJan · 14/08/2021 20:43

I'd*

FatJan · 14/08/2021 20:43

glass*

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 20:44

@Carboncheque I actually just decant my gin into this. Tonic water is for the weak.

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?
OP posts:
Lalliella · 14/08/2021 20:44

Blimey, when I was first ttc it was recommended to drink no more than 2 units per day when pregnant, now you’re a raving alcoholic if you drink that amount when not pregnant. I bet at least half of women conceived when they’d had a few.

It’s all a bit ott these days imo. I wouldn’t worry about it OP. You clearly don’t have a problem and your baby will be fine. You shouldn’t really have asked on here, you get horribly judged by people who are probably smashed out of their faces at their keyboards.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 20:45

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

It's the dependent behaviour pattern of drinking every day. It's as bad as occasional bingeing.
It's really not. I like a glass of wine with my meal. It tastes good and works well. If I'm having egg and chips though, obviously I won't because wine that would be a horrible pairing. If I've had a big lunch so only having a snack in the evening, I don't feel like I need an alcoholic drink. I'll probably just have a cup of tea.

I otherwise drink very little. If I go to the pub, more often than not I have a posh soft drink.

It's ridiculous to suggest that I have a dependence on alcohol. It really is.

Viviennemary · 14/08/2021 20:47

Drinking strong spirits every day is a big no no. And worrying you didn't realise there was anything wrong with doing this. But you do now so that's a start.

Reallyreallyborednow · 14/08/2021 20:47

I just checked my units per week. Despite just being told that my glass of wine with my evening meal is going to be detrimental to my health, it seems I'm only drinking 2/3 of the NHS 14 units a week

How big is your glass of wine?

A standard 175ml glass is 2.3 units. So one glass every night is 16 units.

You’d need to be using very small glasses to be only drinking 9 units a week.

KidneyBeans · 14/08/2021 20:47

[quote SunbathingDragon]@KidneyBeans no, not at all. You are very defensive. I can see PP’s point. I’m not going to judge people and their drinking so you don’t need to justify yourself to me or worry about it.

@FlyingRabbitsAtNoon absolutely meant to write that. Sadly, it’s true and is what some people drink when they just pour themselves a drink or tell you they couldn’t possibly be drunk because they only had the one.[/quote]
@SunbathingDragon

Please do tell me where I've tried to justify myself or been defensive?
What would I be defensive about exactly? Confused

I've simply pointed out that you're assumption that the OP means half a pint of gin when she says one gin is frankly, ridiculous and pretty extreme

Carboncheque · 14/08/2021 20:48

I think it is common enough (though lots on here don’t agree!) There’s a lot of judgement about it because drinking every day can = dependency and many who are dependent on alcohol are in denial about it. That doesn’t mean that everyone who drinks daily is dependent on alcohol. It’s also a hard accusation to defend yourself from because if you say you don’t have an alcohol problem you’re in denial Grin