Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

I thought drinking (at least wine) every night was quite normal, or perhaps I just know a bunch of winos. I haven’t drunk for decades, but just about everyone I know goes on about wine all the time and posts pics of glasses and bottles of wine on social media.

Probs the midwife is downing a few home measures too.

Sounds to me like they're being very OTT. I don't think it sounds excessive!

@Recessed

I'd be mortified too but as above it's probably because you said you drank every day? The quantities are obviously fine but drinking every single day suggests dependency which isn't great. Do you literally mean every single day?

For goodness sake. I have a glass of wine with my evening meal every day. I have a problem now?

That is quite a lot to drink to be fair, I can see why they would be concerned. Drinking every night or even most nights isn't normal.

I do think two gins every night is probably a bit unusual, so I see why they made a referral. But everyone’s tolerances are different.

This thread would drive you to drink!, Live your own life and ease up on the judgment, it is none of your business. OP does not drink now.

I don't drink myself, but love to see people enjoy a few drinks, it's their bodies and there are worse things you could do.

It's all enough to teach anyone to never say you drink more than 14 units a week.

Never say you drink every day.

Always claim your maximin is 14 units a week. Better none at all or 7 units!

Otherwise they just focus by tick box on problems defined by a algorithm.

Has anyone seen how much doctors and medical students drink?

@saraclara

Medically speaking…yes.

Have some drink free days.

When I was pregnant with my eldest, the rules changed and they advised against any alcohol at all in pregnancy. My GP told me that they'd been telling women that the occasional glass of wine would do no harm for years, as that's what the evidence base said, but the problem was that too many then assumed it was fine to split a bottle a night, and double it over the weekend. The thinking was that if they told people not to at all, most women would at the very least cut right back, and that it was better to go blunt instrument than risk avoidable cases of FAS.

I think the women who really have an issue with alcohol will massively reduce what they admit to, so they probably want to check that you don't need support in that regard, that's all. The NHS isn't likely to waste their time once they realise you don't drink heavily.

A medic friend with fertility problems needed Clomid to have her 1st, so had no expectation that she could become pregnant without. She went on holiday and drank like a fish (I mean wine, cocktails and aperitif every lunch/dinner, and then nights out with her husband, as her parents were there and longing to look after the by-now-toddler, and it was all-inclusive). She was appalled when she found out she'd been pregnant, but after looking up on it, found that the 1st trimester you seem to either miscarry, or the baby is okay, as the development is so fundamental at that stage. Obviously she stopped drinking completely the minute she suspected at all, but it does mean that for women who do have a problem, the window to reduce the risk of any harm to the baby exists, and it's right that medical professionals do all they can to identify those women and offer skilled support, in time to make a real difference.

We're all asked about domestic abuse by midwives, too - it's a standard question - to try to secure help for those who need it. The vast majority won't, but if they see indications of a problem, they'll want a further check. It's a good thing, even if needless in your case around drinking.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope it's smooth sailing.

I don’t see this as a drinking problem, yes it’s more than guidance but I would expect it’s within norms. Speak to whoever they want you to speak to and see what they say. Personally I think it’s better than binging.

Definitely sounds the midwife was OTT. I drink most nights, but only around 2-3 units a night and I drank more before having the DCs.

Unless your gins were large measures i would not say you were drinking at worrying levels.

@AngryWhompingWillow

I didn’t change my mind halfway through the thread, I read the first reply about it being every night and realised I’d written that, meaning yes, it is the majority of nights.. but not every single night without fail. I even said some weeks it’s every night, others just a few nights that week

I haven’t once fully condoned how much I drank, I’ve admitted it was excessive.. but what I’m saying is I don’t think my consumption warrants a referral because I’m not reliant on alcohol, I don’t need it not crave it. It was just something as a treat in the evenings, maybe to treat a little mid-COVID boredom.
I’m not in denial, I know it wasn’t a healthy amount to drink.. but realistically.. who actually sticks to the government recommended units? I couldn’t even tell you how units work because I have no idea, I’d just pour myself a drink and drink it

I’ve not backtracked, I’ve just clarified that by ‘every night’ I don’t mean Monday-Sunday without fail. Jeez.

I was honest with my midwife and at my recent well woman checks

I know I drink too much, probably double the recommended weekly amount, but she was quite grateful I told the truth and admitted it

On MN I'm an alcoholic for sure

(Only had half a dozen small glasses of wine over all pregnancies as I went off it)

@KidneyBeans considering one shot of gin is one unit (25ml) for the OP to have no idea how many units she has when she has one or two gins a night suggested to me that what she was having was a generous home measurement. Based on my line of work that means anywhere up to half a pint of gin per drink, or more, and to regularly drink over the recommended weekly alcohol guide and never feel even dizzy (OP’s words, not mine), does suggest a tolerance above what HCP usually consider to be a safe amount to drink.

I think they probably assume that people underestimate/understate their drinking so maybe that's why they've made a referral? But no I don't think it's necessary in your case!

Of course let’s all assume the midwife is referring the OP because she assumed she’d be lying… (BEFORE SHE WAS PREGNANT) because that’s a sensible way for the NHS to spend time and resources 🙄.
Though, why would one expect otherwise- I was assumed to be lying about my daughter’s consultant touching me in a sexual manner - until the police and CICA believed me.
Why should anyone care about what a midwife might suspect. It’s their job to be Frank and honest - eg your drinking prior to pregnancy means you are at risk of X so we will monitor Y.
But guess what, it isn’t that. It’s make woman feel bad for her past regardless of what she’s doing now.
It’s pretty grim and not supportive at all.
Are all NHS staff experienced trial judges or something- finely honed lie detectors?

@MyMabel Just stop. You're tying yourself in knots now. Just admit you were being truthful in your first post, and you backpeddled.

@Staffy1

I thought drinking (at least wine) every night was quite normal, or perhaps I just know a bunch of winos. I haven’t drunk for decades, but just about everyone I know goes on about wine all the time and posts pics of glasses and bottles of wine on social media.

It's not - it's really NOT - 'quite normal' to drink wine every single night. That's alcohol dependency.

Some people seem to get very touchy and defensive when anyone points this out though, with the predictable and supercilious line 'oooh you can't even drink a thimble full of wine on Christmas DAY without being accused of being an alkie!' It's very telling.

@theThreeofWeevils

Oh, but you can regularly drink heavily during the first trimester, to the point of passing out on one occasion, and then, knowing you are pregnant, continue bingeing to a degree where withdrawal causes hallucinations, tremor, and muscle cramps. Then you can undergo a two-week supervised detox, and drink no more until your baby is born six weeks early.

The baby in question will be fine, and trying to sit up on its own at under 6month.

That is quite funny, but the worrying thing is, that a few people genuinely believe it! It's TERRIFYING!

I think it's very worrying actually, that some posters claim they think drinking alcohol every single night is OK, and is normal. You can tell deep down that they know it isn't though, by the defensive attitudes, and their mocking of people who say it's NOT normal and it's NOT OK.

@TonkaTrucker
“This is a scrambled mess of a sentence. So you know it's too much and damaging your body (which is where your unborn child will be developing, inside your body) but you don't think it was ok for the midwife to see if you needed help reducing that? Even if you don't and it's not needed, for the sake of unborn children who have no control over the environment they develop in, you don't think midwives should be offering help just in case?”

Blimey, did you read about the part where I don’t drink now I’m pregnant? I could understand the referral if I needed help getting off the alcohol, but I don’t.

I’m quite happy to go without.. albeit if I’ve swapped it for too much chocolate!

@MyMabel
When did you find out you were pregnant?

@AngryWhompingWillow Deary me. Something about this subject hit a nerve or have you just been drinking too much tonight? Watch those limits sis.

OP you’ll fight a losing battle on here with done of these zealots. I admitted to the occasional glass of wine (small measure, a unit and a half) with a meal during this pregnancy and some posters basically told me I didn’t deserve to have a baby. It was brutal.

[quote MyMabel]@AngryWhompingWillow Deary me. Something about this subject hit a nerve or have you just been drinking too much tonight? Watch those limits sis.[/quote]
Oh dear. You're embarrassing yourself now luv.

Oh, funnily enough I see some of them on here! Nice to know they’re still keeping up their work.

Blessed day, Gilead Aunties.