Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

It's the 2 glasses, every medical professional knows most people play down their drinking - so she's got you down as a nightly half a bottle of gin drink swiller.

@MyMabel

Loving the idea of half a pint of gin though. Jesus I think I’d hit the floor 😂

Yeah and there's no way you'd notice you were getting through 2 litres of gin a week OP After all as @SunbathingDragon says, how on earth would you be able to tell?

@KidneyBeans I’m a mum, in a pretty poor part of the UK.. I only wish I could afford 2 litres of gin a week

The thing is very few people pour a single measure when pouring at home, it’s usually at least a double. So if you’re having a couple every night, which is what you told the midwife, she’s thinking you have about four measures of gin a night and sometimes wine instead.

So yes it is too much, that’s why she’s refered you. I’m the last person to get hysterical about drinking, but even I think drinking like this every night is too much, but what’s more concerning is the fact you see alcohol as a treat and something to alleviate boredom. That’s more concerning.

One gin could be a quart never mind half a pint. Unless you know the size of a glass measurement there is no way you can work out the units. Lets stop minimising a drinking problem.

Look at the mayhem 2 gins cause. Now add to it that you also eat 2 slices of white bread a day and wait..😂

I drink maybe 3 times a year and I find MN can be really puritanical about alcohol. You were very brave starting a thread about it.

@Viviennemary

One gin could be a quart never mind half a pint. Unless you know the size of a glass measurement there is no way you can work out the units. Lets stop minimising a drinking problem.

You realise that gin comes in bottles with the volume written in the side right? If the OP was getting through a couple of litre bottles a week, she'd probably notice that in her weekly grocery shop....

“2 guns or one or two glasses a wine almost every night”.

That might mean 1 or 2 units 5 days a week (within safe drinking guidelines) or might mean 6+ units 7 days a week (pretty bad, but not ‘functioning alcoholic’ levels).

When you’re talking about one of you having to take responsibility for child, it dies sound like you’re getting smashed every evening. Only you know, and in reality, you do know.

@Reallyreallyborednow

I just checked my units per week. Despite just being told that my glass of wine with my evening meal is going to be detrimental to my health, it seems I'm only drinking 2/3 of the NHS 14 units a week

How big is your glass of wine?

A standard 175ml glass is 2.3 units. So one glass every night is 16 units.

You’d need to be using very small glasses to be only drinking 9 units a week.

If I was drinking a 175ml glass, I'd have factored that into my calculations.

I love the way that you assume that I'm stupid.

The whole thing about doctors assuming that patients only report half their consumption is totally self defeating (because everyone knows about it) and means that no one knows where they are. Some patients might actually be honest, some might divide by four to be on the safe side.

It's like telling the friend who's always late to be somewhere half an hour before it's needed. It might work once or twice, but as soon as they twig they'll just arrive add thirty minutes to the time you say (and still be late)!

You weren’t treated “like an alcoholic” you’ve likely been referred to the specialist midwifery service which can happen for all sorts of reasons. It’s just to rule out you needing extra support and scans and even if it was the addiction service unless you feel you have a problem with alcohol the referral stops there.

It’s fine to not minimise drinking problems in the UK, but it’s also ridiculous to jump to the conclusion that OP’s 1-2 gins in the evenings is half a pint or more per drink. She may well be drinking more than a single unit but if anyone has ever been to a bar they are going to realise that half a pint plus is not not even close to a serving size.

’When you’re talking about one of you having to take responsibility for child, it dies sound like you’re getting smashed every evening’

I’m amazed that anyone over 40 survived family parties as a child

You drink above the recommended guidelines which can lead to problems. The midwife would have been negligent to not have referred you on.

@Saz12 - yes, I’d never drink unless DP is here, because I wouldn’t want to drive after having a drink, especially with DD in the car. DP doesn’t drink anyway so I always wait for him to get home. That way if (touch wood never happens) there’s an emergency that requires needing to go anywhere, like to hospital, then he’s the one to do it. I’m still physically and mentally able to care for my child at home under a gin or two. I would just never take her in the car after a drop of alcohol.

I had similar with my midwife, I think they just latch onto things. I work in an office with no windows, so to get my vitamin D, I went outside with the smokers and stood away from them. Midwife started telling me off for smoking on next visit and I had to explain I stopped seven years before.

As the last time I was pregnant was in the late 1980's I can't really comment on current advice. We were told that a small glass of wine a week was ok and I have to admit that I did occasionally have a glass of wine mixed with water on a Sunday. For some reason I feel guilty about this now although my children were unaffected. I was never asked about my pre-pregnancy drinking which was probably above acceptable mumsnet levels! I don't, however, think piling guilt and stress onto a pregnant woman is helpful so please...keep your more judgemental comments to yourselves - you are doing more harm than good. Enjoy your pregnancy OP

I would say it's hard to know what's a problem and what's not - I guess for the midwife she has standards to work to - thinking about home measured gins they are quite high in units and averaged out you probably did consume over the recommended amount but I don't think from what you've said it's been a problem to stop.

I'm sure wherever you've been referred to will know this and prob see you the once and then let you on your merry (or not so merry) way!

It’s because you’re over the recommended intake. I wouldn’t worry about it tbh

I can't help that this sort of interrogation and judgment might put off a pregnant woman from engaging with midwives (and more importantly, health visitors).

Consequently, when they or their child really needs support, they won't approach those who could help, because they don't trust them any more.
My daughter is a nurse, and even she chooses not to approach her HV after being made to feel inadequate because her baby was unplanned.

A pragmatic and friendly approach is surely more effective in the long term?

Oh dear, just ignore her. She has some guidelines and no common sense. You don't drink while pregnant. That is all that matters. Half of my midwives didn't know how to use a measuring tape when tracking my belly growth, her opinion is not important.

I wish the midwife and doctors had been so concerned about my first DD not moving in utero and subsequently dying.., oh but wait! I wasn’t drinking so nothing they could do.
Op - don’t further engage if you want to stay sane

@MyMabel

And did you read the part where I wrote

Even if you don't and it's not needed,for the sake of unborn children who have no control over the environment they develop in, you don't think midwives should be offering help just in case?

People getting uppity and taking it personally is so irritating when it's a system that, however bluntly, is working to protect babies not tiptoe round your sense of offense

The trouble is that certain things are risk factors that they’re taught to look out for. Unplanned pregnancies for example carry a higher risk of PND, so that’s flagged. It’s how that’s handled that can put people off or cause unnecessary worries.