Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

I could have written your post OP. But that's because I mistook the units of alcohol in wine and gin for half what they actually were. I was pretty shocked when I realised that a couple of drinks every night is actually 28 units.

We now make sure we have two or three nights a week off and most nights limit to just the one.
To be fair, once you've a baby, the thought of being even slightly pissed and having to get up to do night feeds puts you right off the idea anyway!

Are they interviewed by the MW to see if they are abstaining for nine months of their partner's pregnancy, and are they asked about their drinking habits, and are they referred or reported on in case their care of the baby when it arrives might be impaired due to pre pregnancy alcohol intake?

Plenty of medical appointments for men include asking for alcohol intake if its relevant, just as in pregnancy it is. Medically there are no risks to the baby if the father drinks, so it's not an equivalent, if you think it's a negative think that additional support is offered to women, or if they are told of the potential risks so that they can make informed decisions during their pregnancy then that's odd. OP hasn't been reported by the sound of it, or referred to anything bad, it sounds like a midwifery service they offer which can be declined with no consequence.

@PurpleVerbena

What absolute rubbish. My mother's generation drank most days (she loved a gin and vermouth!) - we were all born and now in our 60s - no harm done! Talk about a nanny state - if you want to drink gin, drink gin.

People also smoked during pregnancy before research showed how dangerous it is.

Drinking during pregnancy, especially early pregnancy, puts baby at risk of all manner of illnesses and conditions.

Like other posters have said, it really depends on the size of the drink. My mother swore for years that she only had a small whiskey every night. It was actually three times the size of a pub measure ( I used to be a barmaid) She eventually packed it in when she realised the extra calories she was consuming and was amazed when the mornings headaches went away.. what a shocker!

OP said one or two gins. She may well measure the amount. It isn't way over the recommended amount at all.

If she’s drinking regularly she is and telling the MW that it’s every day is it over the recommended amount.
The MW will have a tick box. If someone is over the amount then they get referred to see if they need help.

Just because you drink above the recommended amount doesn’t mean it’s excessive or you’re an alcoholic. A few units of alcohol a night does not make you a problem drinker. If you were drinking a bottle of wine a night then I’d understand! Most people on here provably over eat- that doesn’t mean they have an eating disorder.

The midwife was out of order for referring you without discussion when you’ve stopped drinking anyway. I was a student when I found out I was pregnant, and I had been drinking more than I usually would. I stopped drinking the moment I found out I was pregnant, I then discussed this with the midwife who understood completely.

Drinking during pregnancy, especially early pregnancy, puts baby at risk of all manner of illnesses and conditions.

I completely agree.
I don’t think OP is planning to drink in her pregnancy though.

Everyone here will tell you you're an alcoholic..... I guess they'll just send you to someone who will ask the same questions again. Two gins every night would take you over the reccomended 14 units, that's all!

Don't worry about it- they'll offer you some leaflets and send you on your merry way.

You are not an alcoholic and you don't drink too much.

I wonder if they assume most people underestimate what they drink? So by you being honest they are assuming you actually drink more?

@PurpleVerbena

What absolute rubbish. My mother's generation drank most days (she loved a gin and vermouth!) - we were all born and now in our 60s - no harm done! Talk about a nanny state - if you want to drink gin, drink gin.

Just when I thought I had read everything on here.

With an utterly fucked-up post like YOU have posted, I think it's definitely up for debate whether there was 'no harm done' with your mother drinking gin and vermouth whilst pregnant with you and your siblings.

Yeah drinking alcohol every single night IS too much, and the fact that a few posters are saying 'it's OK,' and 'some on MN think you're an alcoholic if you have a thimble full of sherry,' and 'knock yourself out with yer boozing' is very telling. SOME people need to take a serious look at themselves, and their attitude to drinking alcohol..

No way is it normal or acceptable to drink alcohol every night. And I'm sorry @MyMabel but you saying you drink every night, and then changing halfway through the thread to 'actually I drink 2 or 3 nights a week,' shows you're either in denial, or you know you have an issue, (coz you are now backtracking on what you said.)

I haven't heard of anyone having someone talk to them about their drinking, but I think it's a good idea quite honestly. If you don't think drinking as much as you do is a problem, then you do need help and guidance.

Seems an excessive reaction tbh! Yeah if you'd said you were struggling to stop maybe there would be an issue. But you weren't and didn't! I'm surprised at this. Don't they have bigger issues elsewhere to address?

When you do talk to them, I'd make it clear it's not been every night and it's never affected you or your ability to parent. They're most likely just being on the safe side but I'd be mortified too and annoyed!

@TillyTopper

My 2 DS are late teens now but just after I had them and was at home for a few weeks the midwife came round. She was surprised I was drinking a glass of white wine with lunch. To me it was nothing - it was only recently that I'd left work where a glass or 2 with clients at lunchtime was nothing out of the ordinary. Her issue seemed to be the time of day (not the amount). She referred me to the GP who then wanted to speak to me. I explained that to me there was nothing wrong with it, before being pregnant I'd worked a lot in France and 2-3 glasses of red with lunch wasn't unusual on some days. I felt they were uneasy about it, but ultimately they did nothing.

If you'd been in France the midwife and the GP probably would've joined you 😀

SOME people need to take a serious look at themselves, and their attitude to drinking alcohol.. shock

And other people may wish to take a look at their sanctimonious busybodying!

You made the mistake of being honest. My GP friend reckons everyone halves their number when asked for their weekly consumption!

It is a lot to drink, but the main thing is you are not drinking now you're pregnant. I'd be annoyed too if they made a bid deal of it.

Generally people minimise the amount they drink.

One or two glasses per night might be fine, if they are very small. But nowadays wine glasses are huge- i have big ones that easily fit 1/3 bottle in.

So it could be you’re drinking more than you think, or it could be you’re saying two glasses, but you’re forgetting about the nights you have an extra glass to finish off the bottle, or a gin as well as the wine…

My mum swore blind she just had a couple of glasses of wine to relax on an evening. She came over one christmas eve, immediately asked about wine. I said we had 2 bottles in- dh and I don’t drink, and she was going home the 27th. So 2 bottles for one person for 2 days. Plus various spirits and mixers.

When she made us drive around at 5pm on christmas eve looking for an open off licence as she needed to pick up another 6 bottles “just in case”, i kind of figured that “a couple of glasses” was in fact a problem.

She denied she had a problem for a long time, until her health started to show it- diabetes, weight gain etc. Then she stopped completely.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

An here we go, you’ll get slated on here for admitting you enjoy a drink or two of a night. Some posters live for threads like this.

I think the midwife was being OTT but when I had my first appointment, I said I enjoyed a bottle of wine or two on the weekend (which I very much did) and she put it down as 6 units a week

Agree with this!

I have a glass of wine most nights watching the telly... (or a gin n slim as I'm currently dieting).

I can go without it and often do but it's a little treat and grown up time. I don't have more than a glass unless I'm drinking with others/out and then I'll usually have an alcohol-free week after if that's the case.

Op I wouldn't worry it's good that the nhs are making sure you're not reliant on drinking.

Yes, I was just going to say people may usually lie about their booze intake to medical professionals. I certainly wouldn't tell them how much wine I can get through at the weekend. They may think your couple of gins are actually 4 gins a night...

Oh, but you can regularly drink heavily during the first trimester, to the point of passing out on one occasion, and then, knowing you are pregnant, continue bingeing to a degree where withdrawal causes hallucinations, tremor, and muscle cramps. Then you can undergo a two-week supervised detox, and drink no more until your baby is born six weeks early.
The baby in question will be fine, and trying to sit up on its own at under 6mo.
Don't believe me? Take it up with The Archers
A badly bungled storyline, don't you think?

I hasten to add that I am not trying to terrify or shame the OP. I don't think she was drinking to remotely dangerous levels anyway, and since she has stopped while pregnant, there is nothing to be addressed at this officious and unnecessary referral.
OP for a safe and happy pregnancy and birth.

@toocold54
OP has said she hasn’t drank since finding out - which is great.

My reply was to the eejit who thinks “no harm done” and to have a gin if you want to have one

@SunbathingDragon

I think it sounds like you were drinking a lot and must have had quite a tolerance to have never felt drunk on it. Would looking at it as support to make sure you aren’t drinking similar levels once the baby is born help?

Quite a tolerance to have never felt drunk on one or 2 G&Ts? I don't know a single person IRL who would be drunk on one gin. If one or two is quite a lot, what would you consider an acceptable amount to drink in one evening @SunbathingDragon ?

@MyMabel your frequency of drinking is what will have triggered the referral. Drinking every day is above normal - most HCP advice 2-4 alcohol-free days per week. As you've stopped this won't be a concern now but they'll need to follow procedures

@Frugblie

Are they interviewed by the MW to see if they are abstaining for nine months of their partner's pregnancy, and are they asked about their drinking habits, and are they referred or reported on in case their care of the baby when it arrives might be impaired due to pre pregnancy alcohol intake?

Plenty of medical appointments for men include asking for alcohol intake if its relevant, just as in pregnancy it is. Medically there are no risks to the baby if the father drinks, so it's not an equivalent, if you think it's a negative think that additional support is offered to women, or if they are told of the potential risks so that they can make informed decisions during their pregnancy then that's odd. OP hasn't been reported by the sound of it, or referred to anything bad, it sounds like a midwifery service they offer which can be declined with no consequence.

So medically, there are no risks to the mother if she drinks after baby is born either!

Remember the OP does not drink now at all during her pregnancy.

Double standards IMV. But anyway.

I don't think its the amount you drink but that you drink every day. I drink way over the weekly limit, I know I do and am honest with health professionals but, I try not to drink midweek and have 3 or 4 nights off drinking a week. Whenever I get questioned by health professionals they seem more than happy when I say I don't drink mid week or more than one night mid week (unless on holiday).

What absolute rubbish. My mother's generation drank most days (she loved a gin and vermouth!) - we were all born and now in our 60s - no harm done! Talk about a nanny state - if you want to drink gin, drink gin

We also didn’t have car seats or seat belts.

I am alive and in my 60’s! So why bother with seat belts.

Thing is, those killed in car accidents, or with severe effects from exposure to foetal alcohol, won’t be posting on here to tell you their mum drank or didn’t use car seats.

I thought all health professionals mentally doubled whatever alcohol intake is reported to them.

I heard that this was fairly common. So if you said 1-2 glasses of gin a night, the midwife probably thought.. mmmmmm that's more like 3-4 so it's an issue.