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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2021 20:35

Most people don’t drink alcohol every night. I did for a while during the first lockdown and felt bloody awful very quickly.

FreshFreesias · 18/08/2021 20:36

It’s OK to have a jab, that has not been trialled on pregnant women yet having a gin and tonic every night means you are beyond the pale and an alcoholic.
Call social services!

Cleverpolly3 · 18/08/2021 21:14

@Belladonna12

Technically proper free pouring is tested in bars where this is the norm for economic reasons as well as legal compliance to avoid short measures

You start at a certain point and are scored up or down according to the plus or minus of the measurements

I am a trained free pourer from many years ago in my gap year bar working days and I can still hit a double or single more or less when I on occasion measure it!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 18/08/2021 21:26

@Belladonna12
Or she could not be measuring and she could be guessing her measurements, as many people do at home, and be having much more than the recommended limit.
This is a problem and can be a way for alcoholism to creep up on people.

mswales · 18/08/2021 21:38

Oh dear OP think you posted on the wrong forum! Yes in real life loads of non alcoholic non dependent people have a drink or two most nights, sometimes every night. I've always tended to do that unless. I'm pregnant or ill. Sometimes stop just because it feels bad to be having a drink every night but not for long. I would only ever answer 3-4 units a week though when asked in a medical setting!

Shallwegoforawalk · 18/08/2021 21:42

@Pallisers

I thought all health professionals mentally doubled whatever alcohol intake is reported to them.
I remember being at a dinner party with a bunch of medics (all enjoying some very good wine with our food!) and this ^^ was exactly what they said. If they asked someone about alcohol consumption, they'd automatically assume most of the public lies and down plays it so they mentally add on to get closer to the truth! Op you were just too honest!
DoYouLikeOwls · 18/08/2021 21:53

@mswales

Oh dear OP think you posted on the wrong forum! Yes in real life loads of non alcoholic non dependent people have a drink or two most nights, sometimes every night. I've always tended to do that unless. I'm pregnant or ill. Sometimes stop just because it feels bad to be having a drink every night but not for long. I would only ever answer 3-4 units a week though when asked in a medical setting!
I don't think on these Mumsnet threads you get the true average public view. I do believe there are some very health conscious people commenting but I would love to see how many posters who were overweight who don't exercise calling people alcoholics because they'd rather shovel other shit down their throats whilst sitting on their sofas every night.

I'm not an alcoholic by the way, I just think people have weird views on people who enjoy a few drinks.

MurielSpriggs · 18/08/2021 21:57

@MrsSkylerWhite

Most people don’t drink alcohol every night. I did for a while during the first lockdown and felt bloody awful very quickly.
Persevere, it soon gets better Grin
MurielSpriggs · 18/08/2021 22:00

BillyWhozz

You're drinking too much. End of.

Just because you put. End of. At the end of your comment does not make you automatically right.

This.

It's well-known that you have to put "fact" at the beginning.

pam290358 · 19/08/2021 08:44

@hcoe21. You may not have issues now but you’re storing up trouble for the future - that’s sort of the point.

pam290358 · 19/08/2021 09:00

@Belladonna12. Er, yes I do know that the liver damage was caused by alcohol. It was Steatosis, which is the first stage of alcoholic liver disease - almost always seen as a first response of liver distress and reversible. There are other causes of fatty liver, which are not alcohol related and generally not reversible as they develop due to diabetes, high cholesterol or high triglycerides. Being obese or overweight, rapid weight loss and poor eating habits also may lead to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease - which can be reversed with lifestyle changes. None of these factors apply to me and I hardly drank before my husband died, which is why I was referred for a scan. There is a LFT test called GGT which, if raised, is an indicator for alcohol consumption. The tests and the pretty obvious increase in drinking confirmed the cause - alcohol. And the studies which back up low alcohol consumption being harmful are not just done on anecdotal evidence. Data are pooled from various sources.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 19/08/2021 09:06

Thank you for sharing your experience @pam290358

Please excuse the pun, but it’s a very sobering account.

Disneycharacter · 19/08/2021 09:06

Good luck with your pregnancy @MyMabel Be sure to wet the baby's head with a pint of gin 😂

pam290358 · 19/08/2021 09:17

@DoYouLikeOwls. There’s a world of difference between having a few drinks every day and being an alcoholic - the main point is that even a couple of home measures can take you over the recommended levels, and drinking every night is a form of alcohol abuse which can lead to dependence further down the road. And people may be overweight and shovelling shit down their throats every night - addiction comes in many forms - but it doesn’t make the harmful effects of alcohol any less true so deflection tactics are a bit pointless aren’t they.

pam290358 · 19/08/2021 09:19

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken. It certainly sobered me up !!

pam290358 · 19/08/2021 11:27

Most people don’t drink alcohol every night. I did for a while during the first lockdown and felt bloody awful very quickly.

Persevere, it soon gets better 😁

😂😂😂

Belladonna12 · 19/08/2021 20:04

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@Belladonna12
Or she could not be measuring and she could be guessing her measurements, as many people do at home, and be having much more than the recommended limit.
This is a problem and can be a way for alcoholism to creep up on people.[/quote]
She might be underestimating but she might not. The point is that the midwife just assumed that she was and also that she always has two rather than one on some nights. She isn't drinking at all now so there is no issue of alcoholism creeping up on her.

Belladonna12 · 19/08/2021 20:15

[quote pam290358]@Belladonna12. Er, yes I do know that the liver damage was caused by alcohol. It was Steatosis, which is the first stage of alcoholic liver disease - almost always seen as a first response of liver distress and reversible. There are other causes of fatty liver, which are not alcohol related and generally not reversible as they develop due to diabetes, high cholesterol or high triglycerides. Being obese or overweight, rapid weight loss and poor eating habits also may lead to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease - which can be reversed with lifestyle changes. None of these factors apply to me and I hardly drank before my husband died, which is why I was referred for a scan. There is a LFT test called GGT which, if raised, is an indicator for alcohol consumption. The tests and the pretty obvious increase in drinking confirmed the cause - alcohol. And the studies which back up low alcohol consumption being harmful are not just done on anecdotal evidence. Data are pooled from various sources.[/quote]
I didn't say that the studies relied on anacodotal evidence. They do have to rely on self reported alcohol intake though and that can be very inaccurate because people tend to underestimate and/or not remember very well (the data has to be collected retrospectively usually). Why do you think that people's reports of how much alcohol they have previously drink will be accurate for studies but not when the midwife asks.?!

Ingridla · 19/08/2021 20:22

This is why people lie to their doctors about this type of thing. Ridiculous.

iolaus · 19/08/2021 20:24

I'm a midwife and wouldn't have referred you - if you were still drinking then thats different

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/08/2021 20:49

Yesterday 21:57 MurielSpriggs

MrsSkylerWhite
Most people don’t drink alcohol every night. I did for a while during the first lockdown and felt bloody awful very quickly.

“Persevere, it soon gets better grin“

I think I’ll just take your word for it, if it’s all the same.
I’dnever suffered acid reflux before, two babies and years of being too fat: thought that people who did were hypochondriacs.

Good god was I wrong. A month of apple cider vinegar, bicarb snd probiotic yoghurt then another in omeprazole put me right. I do not want to go back there again, thanks!

DingDongThongs · 19/08/2021 21:33

While there are a number of variables, typically having a drink every night does not necessarily equate to alcohol use disorder, but it can increase the risk of developing alcohol-related health problems," Lawrence Weinstein, MD, Chief Medical Officer at American Addiction Centers tells WebMD Connect to Care.3 Feb 2021

DingDongThongs · 19/08/2021 21:34

It's literally your funeral...

I've just buried a wonderful man who thought excessive drinking was OK. His death from cancer was awful. It's literally up to you to decide your path.

Supergirl1958 · 19/08/2021 22:13

@DingDongThongs

It's literally your funeral...

I've just buried a wonderful man who thought excessive drinking was OK. His death from cancer was awful. It's literally up to you to decide your path.

Sorry for your loss :(
Supergirl1958 · 19/08/2021 22:13

@iolaus

I'm a midwife and wouldn't have referred you - if you were still drinking then thats different
Exactly!!