Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

@Binnaggy. Very succinctly put. I think this is the crux of the matter really. When you know at heart that what you’re doing is not very good for you, but you’re still looking to make excuses to justify it, then it really is time to examine things a bit more closely and be honest with yourself. It’s perfectly simple. When taken in small amounts on a regular basis without a break, alcohol can do damage which is cumulative and silent until it gets to the point where it causes health problems. By then it’s much harder to deal with, and yet there have been posts absolutely castigating the NHS approach of early intervention to avoid future problems - the arguments have been picked to death !! We’ve moved away a little from the OP’s original point about the MW, but it’s still relevant as she asked whether others think that her intake was too much and there has been some very interesting and colourful discussion. I think this is one of the most bad tempered and vitriolic threads I’ve seen on MN for some time, and now I’m wondering how long it’ll be before the moderators regard it as time it was taken down.

At least it's not white bread

[quote pam290358]@Binnaggy. Very succinctly put. I think this is the crux of the matter really. When you know at heart that what you’re doing is not very good for you, but you’re still looking to make excuses to justify it, then it really is time to examine things a bit more closely and be honest with yourself. It’s perfectly simple. When taken in small amounts on a regular basis without a break, alcohol can do damage which is cumulative and silent until it gets to the point where it causes health problems. By then it’s much harder to deal with, and yet there have been posts absolutely castigating the NHS approach of early intervention to avoid future problems - the arguments have been picked to death !! We’ve moved away a little from the OP’s original point about the MW, but it’s still relevant as she asked whether others think that her intake was too much and there has been some very interesting and colourful discussion. I think this is one of the most bad tempered and vitriolic threads I’ve seen on MN for some time, and now I’m wondering how long it’ll be before the moderators regard it as time it was taken down.[/quote]
The thread took a turn when people decided to berate a woman who has stopped drinking as soon as she found out she was pregnant for not realising she in fact had a drink problem
The comments that centred around that should be removed

Do you not wonder why the poor woman never returned to her thread ?
Unless she’s self referred to AA and doing breathalyser tests round the clock many still wouldn’t be satisfied

@Cleverpolly3. I did assume that level of vitriol was the reason she didn’t return, but she did actually ask whether others thought she had been drinking too much. But beyond confirming that if her drinks were unmeasured then yes, she may very well have been drinking more than she thought, I don’t think there was any need for some of the nastiness on this thread.

Sounds like just a bad covid habit to me. We were drinking Wine nearly every night last summer, it just kind of crept Up on us. Was only When I saw all the bottles pile up I was faced with the truth so decided to make some rules - just weekends.
Congrats on being pregnant by the way !

I had a drugs, STD and Aids tests carried out at my first appointment in early 2000s. APPARENTLY it was routine but i was made to feel like a skank as i was young and we were not married.

On MN you're an alcoholic if you have anything more than a thimble full of Sherry at Christmas.

🤣🤣🤣

@Usernamerequired

I had a drugs, STD and Aids tests carried out at my first appointment in early 2000s. APPARENTLY it was routine but i was made to feel like a skank as i was young and we were not married.

They still test pregnant women for for HIV, syphilis and chlamydia and will also check for gonorrhoea if it is prevalent in your area.

Anything the midwife tests for or offers support for, is for the benefit of the mother and/ or the baby.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken thank you so much for your reply. Thats really good to know. Anyone i asked about the tests said they never had them, must not have been told about them. Thank you

I think yabu to assume that just because you aren't drinking to get drunk that couldn't mean you have an alcohol dependency problem. So many high functioning alcoholics don't binge drink, and aren't drunks. The midwife referred you as you told her you were drinking everyday (even if you said you aren't whilst pregnant- she has no way to know that you're telling the truth) she's just ensuring that you have the help if you need it. That's all. She's doing her job in protecting an unborn child.

@Usernamerequired

I had a drugs, STD and Aids tests carried out at my first appointment in early 2000s. APPARENTLY it was routine but i was made to feel like a skank as i was young and we were not married

I had all these for both my pregnancies. I did question it out of interest and was told it is completely routine. I figured it was sensible.

I was in my 30’s and married.

Well, this is MN, so if you consume anything more than a thimble of lambrusco a week, you are a raging alcoholic.

@judgejudyrocks. Now, I thought it was a thimbleful of sherry - or is that too many units ?!!😁

[quote Usernamerequired]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken thank you so much for your reply. Thats really good to know. Anyone i asked about the tests said they never had them, must not have been told about them. Thank you[/quote]
They’re just part of the bloods taken in early pregnancy. I don’t think they’re particularly explicit about what they’re doing with all that blood and what they’re testing for. Most people won’t even pay much attention.

Thank you @Reallyreallyborednow and @AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken its bugged me for years. Good to know the tests are routine-and i agree they are best for baby and mum

So shocked that people think that's a bit too much? I would be ashamed to share what I drink then!! I would say its 10x that amount and I don't have any issues with alcohol.

@hcoe21 if you drink 10x that then u do of course have a serious issue with alcohol

Bad maths! 10x would be 10 a night 😂 I would say I don’t tend to drink Sunday - Thursday but on the weekend I’ll have about 7 drinks…so 7-14 a week which is the same as the poster. Just all in one go!

@Hellsbells35 which is heavy binge drinking and not healthy but you must know that?

@BillyWhozz

You're drinking too much. End of.

Just because you put. End of. At the end of your comment does not make you automatically right.

[quote pam290358]@Qwerty789. Would you like to back that up with sources ? I hardly drank before my husband died. My drinking increased to what my GP described as a low to moderate level, for just a few months. It did damage to my liver - thankfully reversible, but still damage. Again, not saying this would happen in all cases, because various factors are at play, but to describe the risks as ‘propaganda’ doesn’t make any sense. All of this stuff is easily googled. Do you think it’s all propaganda ? If so I think you’re deluding yourself. Or are you a troll ?[/quote]
You don't know that the liver damage was only caused only by alcohol. Your diet could have contributed. You are incorrect when you say it is proven that even small amounts of alcohol have been proven to be harmful. Studies that have evaluate this have obviously had to rely on self reported alcohol consumption. The person that say they only had one drink a day may well have had much much more..

@peboh

I think yabu to assume that just because you aren't drinking to get drunk that couldn't mean you have an alcohol dependency problem. So many high functioning alcoholics don't binge drink, and aren't drunks. The midwife referred you as you told her you were drinking everyday (even if you said you aren't whilst pregnant- she has no way to know that you're telling the truth) she's just ensuring that you have the help if you need it. That's all. She's doing her job in protecting an unborn child.

I don't get that arugument that OP should have been referred because she may not have been telling the truth about not drinking during pregnancy. Why would someone who was honest enough to admit drinking before pregnancy be more likely to be lying than someone who said that they didn't drink at all?

@Belladonna12
Because home measurements aren’t reliable. She’s on the very limit if she uses a measuring device. If she free pours it could likely be well over that.

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@Belladonna12
Because home measurements aren’t reliable. She’s on the very limit if she uses a measuring device. If she free pours it could likely be well over that.[/quote]
Free pouring is by definition not measuring and I wouldn't call that "home measuring". If you use a measure the fact that it is done at home. OP says that she has one or two drinks in the evening so she could be within recommended limits or only a bit over. She doesn't drink at the moment so even if a bit over it's fairly irrelevant.

@Roundearth Who are you, the drinks Taliban?