Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

It is probably a situation where they need to refer anyone who is drinking above the recommended unit allowance

Well thats an epic waste of time and money as well as unacceptable policing of womens bodies.

@Qwerty789

It is probably a situation where they need to refer anyone who is drinking above the recommended unit allowance

Well thats an epic waste of time and money as well as unacceptable policing of womens bodies.

Yes, I wonder if men who drink couple of units over the recommended amount would get referred. It's an unbelievable waste of NHS resources.

@Supergirl1958 I think there have been a few posts on the thread, including my own which was backed up with medical facts, which kind of prove that one or two drinks certainly CAN be a problem if they are unmeasured at home and are being consumed every day. The problem is the cumulative effects, which are generally not noticeable until the alcohol consumption has damaged health. The cumulative effects also include the fact that alcohol is habit forming, so eventually over time, the one or two drinks a day that you look forward to, get more and more and end up being a need rather than a want. I think your own comment is a perfect example of everything wrong with the attitude in general in the UK - normalising problem drinking.

@Belladonna12. I don’t think the midwife was wrong to give a high score. She would have been able to work out the average units from what the OP told her, and would have factored in the fact that they were home measures, which are usually higher. She would also have been concerned that the drinking was every night - indicative of a habit which could possibly impact the pregnancy if the OP was unable to sustain abstinence.

@Qwerty789. A male friends’ body was ‘policed’ in the same way because he reported drinking every day at a GP health check, so no I don’t think it’s unacceptable and yet another example of sweeping low level problem drinking under the carpet.

Yes, I wonder if men who drink couple of units over the recommended amount would get referred. It's an unbelievable waste of NHS resources

Didn’t take long for this to descend into a feminist argument did it ? If men had babies they’d be treated the same, and alcohol consumption is a normal part of the questioning at health reviews for both sexes. And it’s not a ‘couple of units over the recommended level’. If you’re drinking at home without using a measure, you can easily bump up the units. Two gin and tonics using a pub measure is 2 units of alcohol - taken every day this puts you at the maximum of 14 units for a woman. Home measures can easily double this without you realising it, so that two drinks becomes 4 units, which then puts you at twice the recommended level. And why is it an unbelievable waste of NHS resources. Surely identifying problem drinking at an early stage is worthwhile if it saves the massive expense to the NHS of dealing with the effects later on.

If men had babies they’d be treated the same

Lol good one

[quote pam290358]@Qwerty789. A male friends’ body was ‘policed’ in the same way because he reported drinking every day at a GP health check, so no I don’t think it’s unacceptable and yet another example of sweeping low level problem drinking under the carpet.[/quote]
I don't beleive for a minute that he got referred without his permission after reporting having one or two drinks each evening.

[quote pam290358]@Supergirl1958 I think there have been a few posts on the thread, including my own which was backed up with medical facts, which kind of prove that one or two drinks certainly CAN be a problem if they are unmeasured at home and are being consumed every day. The problem is the cumulative effects, which are generally not noticeable until the alcohol consumption has damaged health. The cumulative effects also include the fact that alcohol is habit forming, so eventually over time, the one or two drinks a day that you look forward to, get more and more and end up being a need rather than a want. I think your own comment is a perfect example of everything wrong with the attitude in general in the UK - normalising problem drinking.

@Belladonna12. I don’t think the midwife was wrong to give a high score. She would have been able to work out the average units from what the OP told her, and would have factored in the fact that they were home measures, which are usually higher. She would also have been concerned that the drinking was every night - indicative of a habit which could possibly impact the pregnancy if the OP was unable to sustain abstinence.[/quote]
Pam, this is the second time you’ve picked on my post! I’m not talking about medical evidence, I’m talking about whether one or two drinks is a lot! It just isn’t in comparison to the quantities I’ve mentioned. If you can cut back (which the OP has, and has stopped) then it ISNT a problem! That’s my point. I haven’t said you are being judgemental either, your opinion comes from experience, but some people just are being extremely judgemental. We aren’t talking a bottle of vodka a night, we are talking a couple of drinks and the OP has even said it isn’t every night, but sometimes it can be. It isn’t a problem if you can recognise when you need to cut back, or indeed stop!

I think it’s fair to say we aren’t going to agree love, so let’s leave it there!

I think the reaction will definitely feel over the top.

But someone else might have dependance issues that needs that level of support.

You clearly don't going off what you've said.

I would let them do their thing so they don't start claiming you are resisting support, clarify what your actual alcohol intake was, but make it clear that you don't need any further help from then on.

I’m not ‘picking’ on anyone’s post, just trying to make a point. A lot of low level problems have surfaced during the pandemic because more people are drinking at home, and it’s so easy to miscalculate if the alcohol is unmeasured - I didn’t realise what I was doing until it was pointed out to me, and there will be lots of people in the same position. The male friend I mentioned was the same - he was a key worker during the pandemic and had added stress at work. He was drinking what he thought was a safe level at home -just one or two as a de-stressor at the end of the day. When he told his GP about his drinking habits during a health review, she referred him for a scan, which showed the start of fatty liver, and he was advised to cut back, which he did.

At the end of the day it’s a matter of informed choice. I had a wake up call which made me realise how easily it happens, and also how easily the habit is formed, and therein lies the danger. That’s all I’m saying - I think the medics are right to be all over this if they can prevent problems which will cost the NHS far more in treatment.

@pam290358

Yes, I wonder if men who drink couple of units over the recommended amount would get referred. It's an unbelievable waste of NHS resources

Didn’t take long for this to descend into a feminist argument did it ? If men had babies they’d be treated the same, and alcohol consumption is a normal part of the questioning at health reviews for both sexes. And it’s not a ‘couple of units over the recommended level’. If you’re drinking at home without using a measure, you can easily bump up the units. Two gin and tonics using a pub measure is 2 units of alcohol - taken every day this puts you at the maximum of 14 units for a woman. Home measures can easily double this without you realising it, so that two drinks becomes 4 units, which then puts you at twice the recommended level. And why is it an unbelievable waste of NHS resources. Surely identifying problem drinking at an early stage is worthwhile if it saves the massive expense to the NHS of dealing with the effects later on.

Has OP said that she never measures the gin? That seems to be the assumption of people based on their own inability to measure alcohol rather than anything OP has said. I don't drink gin but if I make it for someone else I would measure it. Why not? She also has not said that she drinks two drinks every night. She said she has drunk ONE or TWO. Believe it or not, that would mean some evenings she only has one. She may very well be drinking within recommended limits and if she is over then it may only be by one or two units a week and that was BEFORE she was pregnant. She is not drinking ANYTHING at the moment and won't be for nine months.

The referral seems to based on the belief that OP may be lying about how much she drinks when not pregnant when there is no evidence for that (why would someone who admits drinking alcohol be more likely to be lying someone who doesn't admit it) and a belief that she wouldn't have stopped when pregnant when there is no evidence that either. Furthermore OP's permission was not sought first and I think it's pretty well-established that IF someone has a problem with alcohol there is no point trying to force them to change . They have to want to change. All in all total waste of NHS resources.

Didn’t take long for this to descend into a feminist argument did it

The unwanted policing of womens bodies is ALWAYS a feminist argument.

I do think it's excessive but I also think it's that it's routinely that's the concern. If you usually do something almost every day, then that habit is going to be harder to break and not go back to, than if you drank the same number of units all in one night a month.

I think if your solution is to lie in future then yeah you do have a bit of a problem. Surely the solution is to cut down your drinking if you've been told by a hcp that your drinking is excessive?

*@Belladonna12. I don’t think the midwife was wrong to give a high score. She would have been able to work out the average units from what the OP told her, and would have factored in the fact that they were home measures, which are usually higher. She would also have been concerned that the drinking was every night - indicative of a habit which could possibly impact the pregnancy if the OP was unable to sustain abstinence.

No, she wouldn't be able to work out the average number of units based on what OP told her. She doesn't know how often OP drinks one rather than two drinks and she doesn't know the home measure is larger as she didn't ask. Many people would measure it. There have been a lot of assumptions and a referral without permission.

It’s because you had 2 home measures every night; assuming you’re having a double (at least) you’re drinking 4 shots a night which is 28 shots a week. That is way to much. With the sleep deprivation that a baby causes that much alcohol could have disasterous consequences.

@Ozanj bore off. You’ve just made that amount up. OP isn’t drinking at the moment because she’s pregnant and she doesn’t have a baby, she has a toddler.

And here you are all but accusing her of being capable of smothering her baby when it comes if she drinks a gin on a night. That’s disgusting.

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@Ozanj bore off. You’ve just made that amount up. OP isn’t drinking at the moment because she’s pregnant and she doesn’t have a baby, she has a toddler.

And here you are all but accusing her of being capable of smothering her baby when it comes if she drinks a gin on a night. That’s disgusting.[/quote]
for all the mw knows she is drinking while pregnant. As a nursery practitioner if a pregnant mum of one of my kids reported that level of drinking to me I’d have no choice but to let social services know. The mw is just doing what she believes is right by the child.

Yeah, but the difference is OP IS NO LONGER DRINKING that. So she’s doing no harm to her foetus whatsoever (because that’s what it is at this point, not a child)

Hopefully your clients are careful about what they confide in you anyway, I think I would be.

Since lockdown I have been drinking a glass of wine (occasionally more) every day. However, I am past the age of childbearing. My grandmother had a gin every evening and lived to be 95. If my husband didn't drink every day I wouldn't either, but he does, so there you go .....

@Ozanj you cannot cannot cannot report a parent based on their level of pre pregnancy drinking! Especially if you have no hard evidence! The OP is NOT drinking whilst pregnant and has made that explicitly clear. I work with children, I think it’s unreasonable to expect that our parents don’t have the occasion drink of an evening. The OP has also said that their partner doesn’t drink on the off chance that should an emergency arise, he is available to drive them to the nearest hospital which is 45 minutes away!!

@GallowwayGirl88 lol it can take a normal couple up to a year to conceive! If you're actively trying you wouldn't accidentally get to 8 weeks before finding out you're pregnant. FYI I've been TTC since Jan 2020 and thank feck I haven't given up on alcohol that whole time.

@Juno231

That poster is a zealous pro-life Gilead Aunt. I wouldn’t give credence to anything she says.

There are a lot of judgemental comments on here. The lady is not drinking at the moment so let her be.

@Stirling2701

There are a lot of judgemental comments on here. The lady is not drinking at the moment so let her be.

No she’s lapsed into her quarts of gin every night and is a menace to motherhood and pregnancy

for all the mw knows she is drinking while pregnant. As a nursery practitioner if a pregnant mum of one of my kids reported that level of drinking to me I’d have no choice but to let social services know. The mw is just doing what she believes is right by the child.

For all the MW knows any other mother could be drinking while pregnant too.Why would someone who admits to drinking before pregnancy be more likely to be a liar than someone who says they drink very little when not pregnant. Both could be lying or both could be telling the truth.