Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

Read the OP properly. OP hasn't drunk alcohol while pregnant so there is no danger of FAS so what has it got to do with the midwife?

@Belladonna12 People are are still drinking will often lie to the midwife. She’s not psychic. Anyone who mentions a high level/frequency of alcohol that hits a certain point will be referred.

She’s doing her job.

God alive, we have all been trying to get through a pandemic here, and if 2 gins most nights got you through it, fair play. The point is you stopped. Can't see what the issues are now.

@Nanny29

Oh my god. I’m shocked by some people’s reactions on here! If we’re talking about one measure of gin a night every night then that’s 14 units a week-‘the recommended weekly limit’. Personally I think the government pulls these numbers out of their backside! Most people who comment on this thread will either drink very little or nothing at all because it feels good to have the moral high ground.

Personally, I applaud you first being able to stop at just one or two a night. It doesn’t sounds like you have a problem at all.
My grandad had drank a shot or two whisky every night for 50 years and he is 94!!

And if it’s one measure of gin every night, and not every night, then there’s nothing to worry about.

But lots of people’s home measures aren’t one normal measure. So “one or two” can be four or five.

The key word in your post is “If”. Referring on means someone else can discuss it with the OP and the MW doesn’t have to - therefore less chance of it becoming and issue between them and less chance of the woman (generally) feeling the need to hide her consumption. Or being embarrassed if it’s more than she realised.

The midwife has a duty of care and referral criteria. Whether you like it or not drinking every night is a red flag for a hcp. Also many people do underestimate the amount of alcohol they consume. The referral isn't just about supporting a mother to stay off alcohol whilst pregnant but about 'sensible' drinking afterwards too. If you feel you don't want to take it any further by all means don't, you aren't drinking whilst pregnant anyway!

You do seem to drink alot, sorry. Is this how you manage life? Also high levels of alcohol in early pregnancy can cause serious birth defects (foetal alcohol syndrome) so they may want to keep a closer eye on your baby's development and also make sure you can cope without having a drink every night.

@justlyra Actually, she stopped when she knew she was pregnant which isn't the same thing.

I suppose it depends on how large the measures of gin were! Probably far more generous than you'd get in a single shot in a pub. The average 'home shot' of a spirit is usually at least double that of a pub measure, possible three times more! So if one pub shot is one unit,two x 2 home shots is 4 units. Times that by 7 and you're already consuming double the maximum recommended amount each week for a woman. That is probably what the midwife was basing it on.

Oh my goodness, some of the comments on here (and I’ve just read the first page) are so judgemental. One or two drinks a night is NOT a lot!!! Far from it (I’ve seen some people say they drink 2 bottles of wine of an evening). And sorry but IMO it does not suggest dependency at all! If I were you, I’d ring and ask to speak to that midwife and ask why it is that she’s referred you, since you’ve refrained from drinking whilst you’re expecting!!! Please don’t feel bad at all!!

[quote pollymere]@justlyra Actually, she stopped when she knew she was pregnant which isn't the same thing.[/quote]
And some people who tell their MW that will be lying.

There’s a threshold and the OP hit it. The MW is only doing her job.

Most people who are problem drinkers underestimate the amount they actually drink, so that will be part of this. And drinking daily is a massive flag too so that will probably have been part of it as well.

Good grief people are over reacting. A couple of drinks is fine. The problem is that once you’re pregnant you become public property, and have to be a good little girl. Maternity is very patriarchal. Decline the referral. Social services are not going to get involved because you have a few drinks.

For heavens sake there are some sanctimonious people on here! I'm not much of a drinker now because it makes me feel ill, but when I was younger I often had a glass or two of wine or beer, maybe not every night but quite often. Obviously I didn't drink whilst pregnant. I certainly don't think that made me alcohol-dependent. It doesn't sound to me as though the OP is either, just that the midwife has rules she has to follow and she's done that. It's for the protection of babies and I'm glad it's done.

If you are drinking every night, then it’s probably a red flag to the medical profession as they recommend two or three days a week alcohol free. In addition home measures of spirits are invariably higher than pub measures so what would be a single measure equivalent to one unit in a pub, can easily add up to two or three units of alcohol per drink at home. So those two drinks a night may represent around six units of alcohol. Times this by seven nights and it’s around forty two units of alcohol a week. The recommended units per week for a woman is 14, so you would be drinking roughly three times the recommended level. So, yes, way too high.

To put this into perspective, when my husband died a couple of years ago, I started to comfort drink at home. I didn’t think I was drinking too much - like yourself it was just a couple of gin and tonics as a way of coping with the stress. This went on for about six months until a routine scan ordered by my GP, for something unrelated, uncovered the fact that I had developed ‘fatty liver’. My GP warned that if I continued to drink at those levels I was on the way to irreversible alcoholic liver disease. I never drank at home before I lost my husband - we weren’t big drinkers - but it didn’t take me long to form the habit and in a relatively short space of time it began to have an effect on my liver. What was alarming, was that I had absolutely no knowledge of what was happening, because there were no symptoms.

I stopped and a subsequent scan some time later, showed my liver to have recovered and returned to normal. What you think is just a couple of harmless drinks, can, in fact, quietly damage you without you knowing, and by the time symptoms start, it’s harder to deal with.

@Supergirl1958 and Wink182. Two drinks a night, every night IS a lot, especially if it’s spirits because home measures are invariably bigger than pub measures. I know from bitter experience - see my post up thread. Not sanctimonious or judgemental, just speaking from experience.

Just say ,"no thank you, no need as I already stopped... and I don't have time to steal from my kids..."

[quote pam290358]@Supergirl1958 and Wink182. Two drinks a night, every night IS a lot, especially if it’s spirits because home measures are invariably bigger than pub measures. I know from bitter experience - see my post up thread. Not sanctimonious or judgemental, just speaking from experience.[/quote]
Tbf to the op, we don’t know what her measures were (in fairness I haven’t read the whole thread to see) Not saying you in particular are judgemental and of course you are speaking from experience. But if the OP has stopped, which I believe I really find it quite unbelievable that her midwife has referred her :(

In some countries don’t they drink a glass of wine with dinner every night? Do they all have a drinking problem too!?

One large glass of wine is about the same as two units of gin I think.

As long as you stop when pregnant it’s fine. I believe the Midwife handled this REALLY badly OP. She should have said something like “look, because you’ve told me you drank every night, I’m required to refer you as part of my job, but I do realise you’re not drinking anymore”. I feel some midwifes really lack the social skills necessary to do their jobs properly. I would have felt really judged and a bit shamed if the referral was just announced to me like that and I had no idea why.

And to all those saying “but OP could be lying about stopping”..

If she felt she had something to hide, why would she even bother telling the midwife she drank at all? She could have lied about her pre pregnancy alcohol intake, or said she didn’t drink at all.

The queen drinks more than that. So did her mother. I think she lived to 102. Here in Portugal it is the normal thing to have a glass of wine with lunch and dinner every day. Infixe years I have only seen one man drunk.

@tarnishehalo I do

A friend of mine went for her booking in appointment a couple of years ago. When asked about alcohol, she said (truthfully) that since being pregnant she was teetotal but before then had an occasional drink plus a weekend night out once a fortnight. Quizzed further, she said nights our would involve perhaps five drinks. The bloke wrote “Binge Drinker” on her notes. They’re obviously following very specific guidelines.

At some point NHS policy makers should realise that this over the top, puritanical and punitive approach (ie the shaming) will just encourage pregnant women to lie to their doctors.

@ttcsucks Before, during and after.

You’re not an alcoholic!! What a waste of nhs resources.

No I don’t think you drink too much, yes it’s good to have a night or two off now and then. But no, a couple of drinks a night is what a lot of people do. I have had alcoholic friends in the past who drink massively more compared to that. And have a different reliance on alcohol. For me it’s a reward at the end of the day that I got through the day and didn’t kill the kids ha. My dr stated it was too much to have two wines a night, and that she wanted me to give it up. I said no. I enjoy it, I look forward to it and I’ll carry on having it. Like cream cakes. They’re bad for me too but I still have them. Personally I think so long as you’re not getting shit faced every night its fine and ignore the nanny state that’s trying to control your every single bloody move. 😘