Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

@MuckyPlucky

All the doctors I know (and I know a lot, several of whom are in my family) drink way more than the OP. Also the nurses and my cousin who’s a midwife. And myself (an allied health professional).

This is total bullshit overreacting on the MW’s part & serves no purpose other than to stress & frighten the bejesus out of a pregnant woman (which does far more harm to a foetus than any form of light alcohol useage in the OP’s past.

Is your arm okay after that reach?

@PurpleVerbena

What absolute rubbish. My mother's generation drank most days (she loved a gin and vermouth!) - we were all born and now in our 60s - no harm done! Talk about a nanny state - if you want to drink gin, drink gin.

Yes and a lot of them died from alcohol related complications later in life. Check the statistics

What absolute rubbish. My mother's generation drank most days (she loved a gin and vermouth!) - we were all born and now in our 60s - no harm done! Talk about a nanny state - if you want to drink gin, drink gin.

This has more than a whiff of being childishly contrary about it tbh. I’m guessing you think smoking in pregnancy is fine too? After all, that was the norm in your mother’s generation. No harm done, right?

Digging your heels in and making poor decisions for your baby’s health just because you struggle with being told what to do isn’t a great look. Glad you’re past childbearing age and hope your children (if you have any) were okay.

@AngryWhompingWillow

Yeah drinking alcohol every single night IS too much, and the fact that a few posters are saying 'it's OK,' and 'some on MN think you're an alcoholic if you have a thimble full of sherry,' and 'knock yourself out with yer boozing' is very telling. SOME people need to take a serious look at themselves, and their attitude to drinking alcohol..

No way is it normal or acceptable to drink alcohol every night. And I'm sorry @MyMabel but you saying you drink every night, and then changing halfway through the thread to 'actually I drink 2 or 3 nights a week,' shows you're either in denial, or you know you have an issue, (coz you are now backtracking on what you said.)

I haven't heard of anyone having someone talk to them about their drinking, but I think it's a good idea quite honestly. If you don't think drinking as much as you do is a problem, then you do need help and guidance.

This! ^ 👏🏻

Ugh….. OP….. the “FASD if you smell alcohol before you even conceive” brigade are out in full force. Give them a massive dose of ignoring.

As for the referral…. You are not obliged to take it up. The usual NHS putting you on the conveyor belt which is designed purely to minimise their likelihood of being sued. Sit in a darkened room away from other’s judgement - Make your own decision about whether you need help and if you decide you don’t, then don’t go. Personally, from what you’ve said, I would politely decline the offer of a referral. Because that’s what it is. An offer. Not compulsory.

I don't understand on what guidelines are people basing the statement that drinking every night is medically too much. The NHS guidelines state that 2 units per night (2 glasses of wine/gin/etc) is the amount recommended if you're drinking alcohol. Therefore you were within the recommended guidelines and your midwife as many of the people posting here aren't aware of what the guidelines are.

It’s ok. At my booking in appointment with DC2 (I was 39) midwife asked me if I took drugs. Said I had a joint once when I was about 20 and she referred me to drugs rehabilitation 🤷‍♀️

They also assume that everyone underestimates substantially .... so may have assumed double ir more your truthful intake

YANBU. This is ridiculous. Referred to see someone 🙄.

The NHS guidelines state that 2 units per night (2 glasses of wine/gin/etc) is the amount recommended if you're drinking alcohol

1 glass of wine (175ml) is 2.3 units. 1 unit is about 75ml- a very small wine glass.

1 unit of gin is 25ml- if it’s hand poured it’s likely a lot more.

Like food and calories, unless you measure every drink it is likely you are drinking more than you think.

I imagine a lot of people are not honest and say they have 2 drinks a night when in reality are having 4 or 5 and that’s why they have offered help.

I wouldn’t worry if you know you are genuinely only having 2 drinks a night 3/4 nights a week.

Sorry but it's a lot , it might be hard to realise that.
Because it became part of your routine you didn't realise

So much puritanical nonsense on this thread. OP has one or two gins each night. That means she could be over the recommended limits sometimes but not much above. So what? I bet many of the people clutching their pearls eat more fatty food than recommended or many other things that will probably have as much if not more impact on their health.

Don't worry OP, GPs get a bonus for every conversation they have with people who smoke, people who drink and everyone outside of the BMI range. There are prompts on their screens.
That convo is worth £20 and they will also tick the boxes for 'follow ups'. Which will be only very short.
My answer when asked about drinking is to say "less than most doctors' of my generation". You are not drinking heavily and it is not a health problem, and you have stopped. End Of!

@Socksey

They also assume that everyone underestimates substantially .... so may have assumed double ir more your truthful intake

That would be a pretty stupid assumption. Why would everyone underestimate and why would it be by the same amount?

Wow that's interesting @markmichelle.I was talking to my doctor at some length recently and she shut down the screen.

OMG...I cant believe you would let some uppety midwife dictate to you! Tell them you will drink how you want! 2 gin a night and you stopped while you were pregnant? What has it got to do with them? Tell them you meant 2 a week and that your hearing is bad....haha. Get them off your back or you will have 'paranoid vermin' to deal with. Just tell them lies...what they want to hear....etc....jeez....its not like you are on heroin. They will make you feel so shit you will more than likely be wanting a drink afterwards.! You sound more tham sensible to me. Dont try to defend yourself. You sound intelligent and in control.

I definitely picked up a COVID drinking habit earlier on in the first lockdown. I stopped after a month or so once I realised I was just drinking all the time (no weekends, no special occasions etc, it was very easy to do!) I then forced myself into ‘just’ having drinks at the weekend, or whatever. And in case anyone is reading too much into that, I don’t mean it was an actual difficulty and that I needed the alcohol to function, it was just that I needed to schedule something, because the lack of schedule in the rest of my life was so difficult.

I digress. I’m only saying that because I can commiserate. I normally now just have a few (literally) drinks on one weekend night, or if we have friends for a bbq.

I agree with those saying that people tend to understate their drinking amounts. When I say I have a couple of gins at home, it’s easily twice what I’d be served at a pub for that number. I do use a measure but I tend to fill it and that’s two measures. And like others have said, wine glasses at home are 50% more than a small glass at the pub, imo. Probably more if we’re being honest.

I’m not judging you, I’m ‘guilty’ of it myself. I’m just saying, I’m not surprised that if you said you were having this much daily, they’d come to this conclusion. If you do agree to meet with someone, you can explain. Or I think someone said you can always decline, in which case, do so, and maybe also explain if you feel the need to. Good luck

Oh come on 🙄

That’s a lot and i don’t see how you can go from nightly, to one night a week, in a slight exaggeration comment.

I think you might have a problem.

Drinking is meant to be a social thing anyway, although with prices and lockdown that’s changed over the years.

I used to drsink some small sherries some nights, when I was newly pregnant many many years ago. No one was bothered, and alcohol was never mentioned at any check ups. In fact, I went to the maternity home one afternoon, for a check up, at about 4 months gone, i knew one of the midwives well, and she said, if you are free later, come round to my house for drinks later, as it was her birthday, and a few women were going round, I went to her place later, and had a few martinis and some cocktails of some sort.

It's always peculiar on here - when you get cases where children are harmed by their parent or a baby is born with an addiction there's ranty threads about people, like MWs, doing nothing and not flagging "obvious" things up. Yet as soon as someone has a moan about a MW - or doctor or teacher - flagging something up people are up in arms about privacy and over-reaction.

Some people who drink every day do understimate their intake, and some lie about stopping during pregnancy, so obviously the MW is going to flag it up. If the OP, as seems, is fine it'll be a quick chat and done, but for some people it could be a necessary step to help with a bigger problem.

It's rare to hear anyone say or think they drink too much unless they're bragging about getting too drunk at a party.

@MyMabel

I say every night but that’s probably a slight exaggeration; it was regular, but not every single night without fail- I mean I didn’t make it a nightly ritual. Maybe one week every night, then 2/3 nights the next.

I wouldn't worry too much, I don't think you drink to excess, re the government guidelines, you know where they orginate? This paragraph comes the New Statesman (page not found as it's a few years old) "The Institute of Alcohol Studies was formed from the ashes of the UK Temperance Alliance in the 1980s, which itself was formed out of the ashes of the UK Alliance for the Suppression of the Traffic in Intoxicating Liquors, which was set up in the 1850s" It has religious and puritan roots! I've never let bible-bashers dictate to me. Moderation in all things, I love a glass of red at the end of the day x