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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
ancientgran · 15/08/2021 10:47

[quote whiteroseredrose]@ancientgran OP said 2 gins, not two buckets!

I often have 2 gins a night preparing dinner. I use the little measure that came with a bottle once and add a small Fever Tree can. Exactly one unit per drink. Any more gin in it and it would taste foul. [/quote]
I was just pointing out that two glasses of gin a night doesn't necessarily mean 14 units. Glasses come in many sizes, as do buckets but I didn't mention buckets.

You measure it so you know the units, lots of people don't and lots of people pour generous measures at home. I grew up in the pub trade so can easily see that although I don't drink myself.

So just assuming that two glasses a night means 14 units a week isn't always going to be right.

SezziBaybee · 15/08/2021 10:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

felulageller · 15/08/2021 10:52

understanding-fasd-a5-summary-guide-aug-19-print.pdf

NHS information which has a chart showing what damage alcohol can cause to an embryo in the first few weeks.

It's a myth that only children of heavy or binge drinkers or alcoholics get FASD.

Any baby that's had any exposure post conception is at risk.

There are 100s of thousands of undiagnosed children and adults with FASD. The research that shows it's more of a spectrum condition is new and isn't widely acknowledged yet. (As evidenced on this thread)

TheKeatingFive · 15/08/2021 10:58

Any baby that's had any exposure post conception is at risk.

If this was the case, we would see significant differences in cohorts before and after guidelines change. And across different countries with differing guidelines.

If anyone has this data I’d love to see it. No ones ever been forthcoming with this information on here before.

Lilifer · 15/08/2021 11:47

"Is it fuck. My dad has had 3 pints every single night of my life and I’m 42 and he is as fit as a butchers dog."

Lilifer · 15/08/2021 11:47

Posted too soon but meant to say I LOVE this post ⬆️⬆️

Lilifer · 15/08/2021 11:50

@SezziBaybee

2 drinks a day does not make you an alcoholic. The fact that this amount has some posters clutching their hankies in horror has me Confused

Bizarre.

I hope you are okay xx

That's the sane response. Instead the NHS wants to waste resources flagging up someone who drinks more than the acceptable guidelines (which keep reducing year on year - in a few years it will be whittled down to a unit per week) This nanny nonsense is keeping someone somewhere in a job I suppose 🤔
ttcsucks · 15/08/2021 11:54

@Lilifer

"Is it fuck. My dad has had 3 pints every single night of my life and I’m 42 and he is as fit as a butchers dog."
Have you examined the state of his liver and his insides? If not then I don't think you're in a place to make such a comment
ttcsucks · 15/08/2021 11:55

@OhGiveUp

I've always had a glass of wine with both lunch and evening meal and a nip of whisky in hot milk on a winter's evening. I continued to do so throughout my pregnancies. I would have been telling the midwife where to shove her sanctimonious twaddle.
Every day during pregnancy?

Sorry but I think that's irresponsible

Lilifer · 15/08/2021 11:55

@MurielSpriggs

Latest medical advice is there is actually no safe level of drinking, but you do you boo!

I don't drink! But I do find the puritanical lecturing on here very tiresome. So what if it's not safe? It's fun. And adults are capable of making these choices for themselves.

I don't much like "you do you" as an expression, but I do wish the Mumsnet Temperance League would adopt it as a motto to guide their actions.

Mumsnet Temperance league - love it! In 2021 we still have our own modern day version of the Puritans 🙈
Lilifer · 15/08/2021 11:57

Itsucks I doubt that OhGiveup gives a flying fuck what you think 😅

Sitchervice · 15/08/2021 12:00

@felulageller

understanding-fasd-a5-summary-guide-aug-19-print.pdf

NHS information which has a chart showing what damage alcohol can cause to an embryo in the first few weeks.

It's a myth that only children of heavy or binge drinkers or alcoholics get FASD.

Any baby that's had any exposure post conception is at risk.

There are 100s of thousands of undiagnosed children and adults with FASD. The research that shows it's more of a spectrum condition is new and isn't widely acknowledged yet. (As evidenced on this thread)

Don't be so stupid. Like I said earlier, if it were this simple then loads of people in France and Italy would have this issue. FASD is rare seriouse but rare and actually they don't know how much alcohol causes damage to babies that's why they say don't drink.

Pick on a new mother about her drinking before she knew she was pregnant is wrong. You deal with the information you have at the time!

Lilifer · 15/08/2021 12:01

TTcsucks that was a quote from a previous PP who I think is actually in a position to comment on the relative Health enjoyed by her own father.

perfectasalways · 15/08/2021 12:03

If you only had two single measures of gin a night that is 14 units a week - the recommendation but you should always have 2 to 3 days off a week. I don't drink during the week but probably drink those 14 units in one night, which is probably far worse for your body. You don't have a drinking problem - you gave up drinking with no issues. The Midwife is being a bit ott IMO.

ttcsucks · 15/08/2021 12:04

@Lilifer

TTcsucks that was a quote from a previous PP who I think is actually in a position to comment on the relative Health enjoyed by her own father.
How can you say someone is healthy purely by their appearance?
AnnieSnap · 15/08/2021 13:02

@Benjispruce5

My DM was advised to drink Guinness whilst pregnant in the 60s/70s, for the iron content!!
People were also told that smoking was good for them in the 60s. GPs often sat smoking whilst in surgery talking to a patient!
GreenWillow · 15/08/2021 13:17

Why did you answer the question at all?

I only answered questions that related to my pregnancy, and declined to answer any others.

My midwife seriously expected me to hand over the names and dates of birth of my DHs DC from a previous relationship, apparently to check for SS involvement.

The degree to which people accept state overreach into our lives is quite remarkable at times.

Information like this is private, and you’re under no obligation to hand it over to anyone who asks for it.

MuckyPlucky · 15/08/2021 13:42

All the doctors I know (and I know a lot, several of whom are in my family) drink way more than the OP. Also the nurses and my cousin who’s a midwife. And myself (an allied health professional).

This is total bullshit overreacting on the MW’s part & serves no purpose other than to stress & frighten the bejesus out of a pregnant woman (which does far more harm to a foetus than any form of light alcohol useage in the OP’s past.

perfectasalways · 15/08/2021 13:42

Lilifer if you said 82 I would agree with you but depending on what he's drinking he could be having 42 to 63 units a week or more. That is far too much and I can assure you that once you hit your 50s these things come back to bite you. Depending on how late he is drinking I would also worry about driving the next day. Your dad has a drinking problem and I know because I had alcoholic parents.

theThreeofWeevils · 15/08/2021 13:51

A draft of the WHO's global alcohol action plan 2022-2030 wants 'appropriate attention' paid to 'prevention of drinking among pregnant women and women of childbearing age'. No doubt many posters would happily support that.
'Women: don't drink and ovulate!'

Curiosity101 · 15/08/2021 14:05

@theThreeofWeevils I remember when that draft came out. I couldn't quite believe the bit about women of childbearing age.

JustLyra · 15/08/2021 14:15

Given how many people underestimate their alcohol consumption a MW not reacting to someone stating they drink every day would have been massively failing.

ItsOverFlo · 15/08/2021 16:25

You have nothing to worry about. It's an NHS pathway thing, plus the goal posts do change on these.
Whoever you see will give you some health promotion advice and send you on your way. Same for smokers. But you're not even remotely registering on the alcohol dependency scale, plus you're not drinking now.
Go along, tell them what you've said here, take a leaflet and say thanks.
Do not even remotely worry about this.
Good luck with the pregnancy and birth. Flowers

Boredmotherofone · 15/08/2021 17:11

@pollylocketpickedapocket Your Dad was a functioning alcoholic then. Denying it and swearing, doesn't make it any less true

Boredmotherofone · 15/08/2021 17:21

@MyMabel

Mix of views here which is fair enough but it’s nice to know I’m not being totally unreasonable and there are people that agree!
OP, sounds like are what is known as a 'Functioning Alcoholic' (along with a couple of other posters above, from what they've said). Your body is dependent on the alcohol- that's why you feel the desire to drink it every night - but as you manage to function well, you feel absolutely fine - and you would do! Because your body is getting what it is dependent on....... However as you feel absolutely fine, you don't see any problem; which in itself, IS the problem. I really do hope that you have stopped drinking now like you said you have. If so then that's a fantastic achievement. Either way, I would accept the offer and have a word with the professional. They are the ones qualified to tell you how you can best proceed through the pregnancy with any kind of alcohol dependency.