Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

Drinking every night is quite a lot.

@MissConductUS

I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober for 27 years) and I'm astounded by the overly judgemental and exaggerated reaction OP has gotten from some posters on this thread.

Congratulations, that’s a huge achievement. You should be immensely proud of yourself.

@AnnieSnap

I understand that you didn’t realise, but yes, you were drinking excessively. Aside from it being every night (terrible for your liver), if you felt nothing (“even a bit dizzy”) after two strong drinks, you will have built up a tolerance. That’s much more worrying than feeling tipsy. Alcohol dependance creeps-up insidiously. It can happen easily.

I rarely drink, maybe 5 or 6 times a year, and I don't get the slightest bit drunk of 2, or even 3, glasses

@VestaTilley

YABU. Two gins a night is far too much. The midwife is just doing her job.

Does your DH drink a similar amount? If your toddler was ill, heaven forbid, how could you drive them to hospital if necessary having drunk that amount of booze?

You drink too much.

@VestaTilley if you actually read the Thread rather than skimming it in your misplaced desire to stick the boot in, you wouldn't need to ask such stupid questions.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Yes indeed 😂

For some posters it’s totally beyond the realms of the comprehension that some of us manage perfectly well without a car (or they assume we just beg lifts off others and don’t just walk/taxi/take a bus/order a shopping delivery 😂)

It would be more worrying if mw hadn't said something to you about drinking every night!

@SmidgenofaPigeon it's the self-righteous perception that saying "but what if there was an eMErGenCy" is some sort of 'gotcha' to the depraved not-alcoholics, when actually if they'd thought for a nano second that many people manage perfectly well without cars, they'd have saved embarrassing themselves with such a stupid comment

It’s quite a bizarre scenario isn’t it. Can you imagine a man going for an appointment to check his Thyroid or his prostate or whatever and the doctor asking if he smokes

Man: “well I used to smoke 40 a day, but I haven’t smoked for 12 weeks”

Dr: “I have to refer you to speak to someone about your smoking.”

Man: “eh? I’ve just told you I don’t smoke anymore”

Why is it that a woman who has told a HCP that she hasn’t had a drink in X number of weeks should be referred for her drinking?

Im amazed that anybody actually tells the truth to their GP about drinking/smoking etc.

@callmeadoctor

Im amazed that anybody actually tells the truth to their GP about drinking/smoking etc.

I don’t think many people do.

I wonder how many posters who are Pearl clutching at the OP's perfectly acceptable 14 units a week have spent their adult lives stuffing their faces with chocolate and crisps and making themselves overweight before they got pregnant - this is also a huge risk factor in pregnancy but we can't tell people off for it like we apparently can for having booze

If drinking a glass or 2 of wine per day makes you an alcoholic by default, the French are in trouble, yet on average French drinkers get drunk much less often than UK drinkers.

Just make a point of saying to the midwife next time that she’s made a mistake. You’ve added up your alcohol intake abs habitually drink well within 14 units.

Are you in the UK?

Asking because I never had contact with a midwife until the 12 week booking apt.

It does seem a bit of a misplaced intervention, but if you explain that you haven't drunk alcohol since you found out you were pregnant, it will be quite a brief chat, I would imagine.

Hope that all goes well.

@christinarossetti19 I think most booking apps are at 8/9 weeks?

I think we’d find it immensely difficult without a car. We live in the middle of nowhere, nearest hospital is 45 minutes away, nearest large supermarket about the same.

We could in an emergency ring an ambulance. But with the overload on that sector at the minute I don’t fancy my chance of waiting for one of its going to take an hour.

@veeeeh

Women have all these rules to obey don't they? I realise the rationale behind the MW finding out about drinking habits, but are the male of the species put through the same wringer I wonder? The OP does not drink now that she is pregnant.

The men will also be raising a child where they are married or in a relationship surely. But no.... women can't do anything wrong or else. I am sick of the judgment of women during pregnancy.

Completely agree.

I didn't know that - all three of mine were at 12 weeks.

Maybe different areas.

I think people probably lie about alcohol consumption, so if you're admitting to one or two drinks every night, they might think it's really more than that. It was probably someone being cautious, but it probably is the frequency that's bothered them as it sounds like habitual drinking. Maybe since lockdown they are being more careful, since a lot more people dranl more often and were pouring home measures. Try not to take it personally!

Oh my god op how awful Ignore.

Drinking everyday does sound like you may have a problem.

felulageller

"Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry."

If this was true for two glasses of wine or gin a night before realising you were pregnant than most of France and Italy would have FASD ...

Whoever is snidely implying that OP might have caused FAS, you're a disgrace and you have no idea what you're talking about.

There's a big problem with FAS where I grew up, in part because workers on the wine farms used to get part of their pay as wine (but only a small part of a complex problem) and the amounts of alcohol involved are absolutely huge.

Many people would have drunk what OP described, and more, throughout their pregnancies as standard a few decades ago and FAS was not widespread due to that.

Half of Europe has breakfast beer ffs.

I think we’d find it immensely difficult without a car. We live in the middle of nowhere, nearest hospital is 45 minutes away, nearest large supermarket about the same.

It may occur to people who don’t drive not to live so remotely.

You know, maybe.

@TheKeatingFive that’s probably true. I’m thankful we drive, and I love loving in the sticks!