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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
Crackl3andpop · 14/08/2021 21:30

2 glasses is nothing! Yes it’s above the recommended limit... but alcohol in any quantity is bad for you. Like you said, you weren’t drunk and leaving your toddler to fend for themselves. Husband and I have a drink more nights than not... we eat well, exercise regularly, don’t do drugs or have any addictions, both work, don’t smoke and if this is our one vice I’ll take it!

KidneyBeans · 14/08/2021 21:30

@felulageller

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

Only if the OP actually was drinking half pints of gin and for longer than the first month as there's no shared blood supply prior to this.

Please stop scaremongering.
FAS is very rare and only occurs with heavy drinking

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 21:31

Well, it’s nearly time for bed but I’ve concluded my fate is that of the firey pits of hell. At least I’ll be warm.

OP posts:
butterkistpop · 14/08/2021 21:32

Midwives have to refer on any women who were drinking above the recommended maximum which is 14units per week. One glass of wine =2 units. So 2 glasses say 6 days a week on average = 24units

Carboncheque · 14/08/2021 21:32

FASD goes along with heavy drinking. The kind where you are buying bottles daily. The reason stats can’t give an amount that is ‘safe’ because there’s no way to get accurate information on women’s intake during pregnancy to link it with outcomes.

CorianderBee · 14/08/2021 21:37

@felulageller

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

It would need to be more than the Op was drinking I believe. Many many people drink before finding out they're Pg
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:39

No judgment, just facts.

@GallowwayGirl88 some random spouting nonsense online does not a fact make

HTH

Amichelle84 · 14/08/2021 21:39

I wouldn't be too bothered about it.

I quit smoking in the lead up to getting pregnant so had been smoke free for well over a year and was referred to a smoking clinic...Hmm

Blue4YOU · 14/08/2021 21:41

@MyMabelyou are sorry - for what?
For suggesting, strongly, that the Op’s child will have FAS?
Are 90 percent of children FAS children- given how many people drink BEFORE they get pregnant??

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:41

@MyMabel it's ok I hear there's fantastic gin in hell Wink

Seriously laughing my head off at someone thinking a zygote can develop FASD from 2 weeks of drinking 2 glasses a night. It's times like this I think adults should have a naughty step.

Blue4YOU · 14/08/2021 21:41

Sorry @MyMabel wrong person

VestaTilley · 14/08/2021 21:44

YABU. Two gins a night is far too much. The midwife is just doing her job.

Does your DH drink a similar amount? If your toddler was ill, heaven forbid, how could you drive them to hospital if necessary having drunk that amount of booze?

You drink too much.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:44

@VestaTilley

YABU. Two gins a night is far too much. The midwife is just doing her job.

Does your DH drink a similar amount? If your toddler was ill, heaven forbid, how could you drive them to hospital if necessary having drunk that amount of booze?

You drink too much.

Probably the same way people who don't have cars cope when there's an emergency
SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:44

@VestaTilley try reading the thread properly 🙄

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:46

Also yes, we don’t drive or have a car for reasons I don’t care to go into. If there was an emergency, and we’d have a glass, why, we’d simply sit it out and hope for the best.

Or we’d call a taxi or an ambulance.

TheKeatingFive · 14/08/2021 21:47

If your toddler was ill, heaven forbid, how could you drive them to hospital if necessary having drunk that amount of booze?

Has it dawned on the good posters of mumsnet that not everyone even has a car?

pollylocketpickedapocket · 14/08/2021 21:48

@felulageller

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

What’s your fucking problem? You are talking shit, what do you get from your doom mongering?
callmeadoctor · 14/08/2021 21:48

Ha Ha 2 glasses OP , i bet most GPs drink more than that......................................................

TheKeatingFive · 14/08/2021 21:48

Or we’d call a taxi or an ambulance

Radical

AnnieSnap · 14/08/2021 21:54

I understand that you didn’t realise, but yes, you were drinking excessively. Aside from it being every night (terrible for your liver), if you felt nothing (“even a bit dizzy”) after two strong drinks, you will have built up a tolerance. That’s much more worrying than feeling tipsy. Alcohol dependance creeps-up insidiously. It can happen easily.

MissConductUS · 14/08/2021 21:54

I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober for 27 years) and I'm astounded by the overly judgemental and exaggerated reaction OP has gotten from some posters on this thread.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 14/08/2021 21:54

Meh.

Midwife has a script and is unable/unwilling to deviate.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:55

@MissConductUS unfortunately, I am not, having been on the receiving end of it myself.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:56

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Also yes, we don’t drive or have a car for reasons I don’t care to go into. If there was an emergency, and we’d have a glass, why, we’d simply sit it out and hope for the best.

Or we’d call a taxi or an ambulance.

WHAT!!

You mean there's a solution out there for people without their own transportation.

Colour me fucking shocked!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:57

@TheKeatingFive

If your toddler was ill, heaven forbid, how could you drive them to hospital if necessary having drunk that amount of booze?

Has it dawned on the good posters of mumsnet that not everyone even has a car?

In MN world the people without cars may as well live in purgatory 😂