Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 21:12

@saraclara - I agree. I said to my mum that if I have any more children I definitely won’t be so honest about my pre-pregnancy drinking unless for any reason I’m struggling to quit.

OP posts:
moynomore · 14/08/2021 21:16

If having one or two gins every night is bad, what about a couple of biscuits and a bowl of ice cream. So ridiculous and I'd tell them to get lost.

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 21:16

Is it just a consultant I see about this? I’m under a consultant anyway due to previous complications (non-alcohol related!)

She didn’t actually say who I see.. am I going to be sat in a circle of other alcoholic pregnant mothers? Will I need to stand up and introduce myself followed by ‘and I’m an alcoholic’? You know, the stuff you see in movies.

OP posts:
candle18 · 14/08/2021 21:17

I would be a bit annoyed if she said she had referred you to someone without asking you and having a chat about it. Surely if you’ve clearly said that you haven’t been drinking since finding out you were pregnant there isn’t really an issue.

Saz12 · 14/08/2021 21:19

All I meant was that the OP’s comment could’ve been taken as “I drink until incapacitated every night, so have to wait till DP gets home to take charge”, rather than needing a stone-cold-so er adult in the house at all times.

DD was hospitalised (by ambulance, asthma) at age 3 and neither DP nor I were below the drink-driving limit (holiday, shared bottle of wine with dinner). To me, that’s not abusive / alcoholic/ unreasonable behaviour. But not the same as being incapacitated by alcohol.

GallowwayGirl88 · 14/08/2021 21:19

@candle18
Depends when she found out she was pregnant…

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 21:19

@Carboncheque

’When you’re talking about one of you having to take responsibility for child, it dies sound like you’re getting smashed every evening’

I’m amazed that anyone over 40 survived family parties as a child Hmm

This. In fact the more I read MN the more astonished I am that the human race has lasted for as long as it has.
SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:20

@GallowwayGirl88 how is that any of your business?

CorianderBee · 14/08/2021 21:21

Two guns a night, if singles, is still only 14 units a week. It's probably the fact that it's every night that raised a red flag.

HollowTalk · 14/08/2021 21:22

@WaterIsBest

Drinking 1 or 2 drinks every night would be classed as to much in the medical field
Why? It's below the 14 units per week they recommend as a limit.
CorianderBee · 14/08/2021 21:22

@Roundearth

Well drinking every night isn't normal is it. its well above recommended amounts
No it's not. 14 single gins is 14units which the NHS recs says is fine. They warn not to drink over 14 in a week (when not opt)
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:23

@MyMabel no it will just be someone having a chat that will offer you help and signpost to places and resources that can help. Probably a midwife who took a course in alcohol awareness and has it as an extra to her usual job. Just reiterate you don't have a problem and have obviously stopped drinking since finding out you were pregnant but thank you for the information anyway

Also ignore the Pearl clutchers, or even better laugh at them

MajesticWhine · 14/08/2021 21:23

Don't worry OP. They are just trying to help. You will probably get 1 phone call and that will be that, once they realise you don't need any more support.

GallowwayGirl88 · 14/08/2021 21:23

@SmidgenofaPigeon
I mean non of it is anyone’s business, but she did post on a public forum and it is relevant to the discussion everyone is having on the topic of alcohol intake.

If, for example, OP didn’t find out she was pregnant till 8 weeks and had been drinking 5-7 nights a week for those 8 weeks then the midwife would quite rightly need to be concerned.

If OP stopped drinking when TTC then the midwife (in my opinion) is over reaction.

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 21:24

@GallowwayGirl88 I’ve ignored your question because
A) you are literally just looking for ammunition to be judgemental.

B) I was asked by the midwife “have you drank since finding out you were pregnant”? My answer was no.

OP posts:
Carboncheque · 14/08/2021 21:25

I don’t think they’ll make you go to an AA meeting.

Work out a figure - say 12 units - and say that you looked up the volume/units amounts online to figure out what your pre-pregnancy intake was after talking to your midwife. You stopped drinking when you became pregnant. Rinse and repeat.

felulageller · 14/08/2021 21:26

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

bananacrumble · 14/08/2021 21:26

Drinking everyday isn't good op. One glass of one bottle. It's a drink every day.... just see what they say !

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:26

I didn’t stop drinking while TTC. Should my midwife have been concerned about that?

Thankfully we don’t live in Gilead and I’m a person who can make their own choices, not just a fruitful womb Wink

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:27

@felulageller that’s very funny. I assume you are joking 🙃

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 21:27

@GallowwayGirl88 I’m only 8 weeks now; I’m a serial tester so found out very early. Do with that what you will.

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 21:28

@felulageller

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

What a load of absolute BOLLOCKS.

Unless you don't find out you were pregnant until you were in Labour and had regularly binged.

Couldibeanymoreawesome · 14/08/2021 21:28

I also got into the habit over lockdown. A couple of glasses of wine, couple of nice cold ciders or a gin or 2. I did knock it on the head, due to the weight piled on but apart from that no issues. Im tea total now, I lost the weight and I just haven't bothered with alcohol for past 8 months. Anyway back to you op, try not to worry or feel judged, the midwife will have a tick sheet and im sure they will have plenty of women admitting a lockdown habit.

GallowwayGirl88 · 14/08/2021 21:28

@felulageller

Drinking before finding out you were pregnant could result in FASD, the damage is done before a positive test would show.

I'm sorry.

Exactly.

No judgment, just facts.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/08/2021 21:29

@GallowwayGirl88 ah, your pro life bullshit! I’ve been the victim of it too. You’re nasty.

Swipe left for the next trending thread