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[Babymeanswashing]

DP this morning ‘So what are your plans for today?’

I’m probably being prickly but it seems like he’s assuming whatever I do won’t involve him!

OP, on its own this sounds innocent, and normal, and actually a good way to start to plan a day. Asking the other person if they've anything on.

However, it's clear that it's part of a wider picture of you feeling that DP is not engaging with the family as a unit, and expecting that whatever place you have involve your baby.

So talk to him. Tell him this. Come up with a way to address it. If he loves you & your DC, he'll figure it out with you.

OP I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was married it was his soft way of saying "I hope you fuck off with the kids so I can have the house to myself"

And it's the assumption that your child it's YOUR responsibility for the day and the only person he has to worry about is himself. Very annoying.

Does he ever take your DC out in his own and give you a break?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was married it was his soft way of saying "I hope you fuck off with the kids so I can have the house to myself"

Yes, yes, yes!!

I read the first two of your posts and knew you were going to say you had a small child who your dp didnt want to parent.

Yanbu.

Either plan a day with him or go out and leave him with the dc for the day.

Does your partner work from home during the week? Are you on maternity leave? Sahm?

He WFH and I’m on maternity leave, but I would normally be at holiday at this point of the year anyway as am a teacher.

If he's wahm and you are the sahp I don't see how it's unreasonable for him to ask you during the week? Why does it bother you?/

Completely get you now. I'm changing my vote YANBU.

Because sometimes I don’t want to be out. It’s making me feel a bit uncomfortable and like I’m not welcome in my own home, tbh. I’m finding it pretty stressful and it’s causing real issues between us.

I was in a similar position and it's so hard being on mat leave and having someone else wfh at the same time.

Thanks for understanding @StarDrawers, I’m glad it’s not just me!

Problem is I think over the course of eighteen months our home has largely stopped being so and really it’s an office now, so obviously he wants me out of the way. But I’m really sick of not just being able to take each day as it comes for a bit.

Ahh now that we know more about your situation its easy to see why you are fed up.
Does he have a dedicated work space? Does he have the option to go back to the office?

Yes having read your updates it's more of a bigger picture thing. Is there any chance of him going back to the office for a couple of days a week at least?

He won’t be going back to the office, and he does have a workspace but it’s in the middle of the house which can be difficult.

To be fair to him he isn’t an arsehole like some men can be but I do struggle with him being around constantly and I do think it’s made him lazy with regard to parenting DD.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was married it was his soft way of saying "I hope you fuck off with the kids so I can have the house to myself"

I read it this way too.

Does he ever plan activities for you both or dd to do on weekends?

I think I would call his bluff and say you want the day at home by yourself so he needs to take DD out for the day...

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was married it was his soft way of saying "I hope you fuck off with the kids so I can have the house to myself"

Yes!

That is how I read it Only because I have been there. Endless hours of walking to the park looking at the ducks with a 9 month old in the week. Wanting to have a bit of a break at the weekend. Ex DP assumes it's something I love doing (or didnt give a shit) so when he asks - what are you plans?

He is saying - are you off out to the park again with baby?
Are you taking baby to soft play to have a coffee with
Have you and are you taking baby to early learning swimming lessons?
Are you taking baby into town to browse shops and awkwardly feed them in cafe?

You are not being prickly, some of us understand how loaded the question is and his expectation.

It seeks like a perfectly reasonable question to me. What would you have preferred him to say?

@RandomMess

I think I would call his bluff and say you want the day at home by yourself so he needs to take DD out for the day...

I was going to suggest this. BUT... because it is only one day - so say out of the house for probably a max of 3-4 hours with a 9 month old - then he comes home all smug saying he had a fab time and it's really not that difficult.

I'd suggest all 3 go out, let him do the majority of parenting and use it as a time to bring up how fed up you are and have zero time to yourself.

It’s worth it just for the small handful of people who do understand

Why is his workspace in the middle of the house? Who decided on this ? Does he have to work there?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was married it was his soft way of saying "I hope you fuck off with the kids so I can have the house to myself"

Yup, this is how read it too. I would be very pissed off if my partner said this to me! I’m with you op.

The impression I'm getting is that he has taken over the space as his office, place of relaxation and he gets priority over the space.

You wanting to stay in is seen as getting in his way .

My partner does this but I take it as him being incapable of having an original thought in his head and he wants me to plan his very existence for him… so I always say “nothing”