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Babymeanswashing · 2021-08-14T14:36:33+00:00

DP this morning ‘So what are your plans for today?’ I’m probably being prickly but it seems like he’s assuming whatever I do won’t involve him!

PotteringAlong · 14/08/2021 16:16

I asked my DH that very question this morning and we have 3 young children! It’s a “mow the lawn / pop to the shops / I need to ring my mum” kind of question!

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 16:16

I’m not upset exactly. I do get fed up of being chivvied out of the house, but I’m willing to accept that’s probably my interpretation.

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TheFeistyFeminist · 14/08/2021 16:18

"Because if you don't have anything lined up perhaps we could all go out for a walk / a picnic / a bike ride / to see friends / a swim?"

In our house it's a perfectly innocuous question.

Newmumatlast · 14/08/2021 16:21

@Babymeanswashing

I mean if we didn’t live together and have a child I can quite see it would be different but we do, so …

My husband and I have a young child together and we say this to one another all the time. It means what it means. Is there anything the other plans to get done today we then need to discuss and work around if possible. Just an acknowledgement that we are our own people. Usually prompts us to tell the other of any chores, errands or leftover work we need to do this weekend and any events we have seen on and then we discuss between us how that would work, usually doing bits together as a family, bits alone while the other has our child and vice versa

Mydogmylife · 14/08/2021 16:21

DH always asks me this - he's checking if I do have anything on , or want to do, tells me if he has anything planned for himself, then we plan for things together around that. I think you're probably reading too much into it .

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 16:21

Perfectly normal question in my house , dh knows that ob Saturday I’ve usually plans like go for a run , do food shop , get my nails done or some other beauty treatment . Dh is happy to chill unless I give him a job to do or we are going somewhere. He also knows that I may tell him in advance if I’ve made plans but he forgets so he asks again .

frazzledasarock · 14/08/2021 16:23

Tell your P you have plans to stay in bed today. And have a duvet day. Don’t be chivvied out anywhere. Just slob about for the day (if that’s what you want to do).

Hekatestorch · 14/08/2021 16:26

But it appears you feel you are being pushed out, for no reason other than he asked what you were planning.

If you go out alot with the baby and not with him, not sure why this question would be a problem.

Twizbe · 14/08/2021 16:27

My DH and I ask this question pretty much every day. During the week he's working and I'm home with the kids so plans don't tend to include him.

At weekends when we ask it's an opener to us sharing any jobs we'd like to do but might need to do without kids.

I think you've read way too much into this (unless there is backstory)

FluffyPJs · 14/08/2021 16:28

I've been living with my husband for almost 18 years and we ask each other what plans we have at the weekend. I wouldn't see anything in it other than he's wondering if you have planned to do something that maybe he's forgotten about or doesn't know about. It doesn't sound to me like he was saying don't include him in your plans, or that he wants you out of the house!

TellingBone · 14/08/2021 16:28

@Babymeanswashing

Like I say it’s the fact that he’s assuming whatever we do it won’t be together. And we have a very young child and since he won’t be having her she’ll obviously be coming with me for my ‘plans’. Probably am being hard work.

Bit of a drip feed.

You don't have a 'question' problem. You have a DP problem.

OaxacaChihuahua · 14/08/2021 16:28

You’re being prickly!

StarDrawers · 14/08/2021 16:29

Aah I sort of get it - does he never make plans that involve your DC and leaves it all up to you? That would annoy me and I'd probably say "I'm off to meet up with a friend and you'll have to look after DC all day"

Janaih · 14/08/2021 16:33

Why don't you chivvy him out of the house, with your young child? Or chivvy yourself out the door leaving young child at home?

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 16:38

I suppose because I don’t really want to be apart from them all day. I suppose tbf he probably meant was I planning on going to the gym or anything but he asks me every day and I just feel weekends should be for the three of us.

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ShinyMe · 14/08/2021 16:42

So what did you answer when he asked? Did you tell him you'd like to do something as a threesome?

Twizbe · 14/08/2021 16:43

@Babymeanswashing

I suppose because I don’t really want to be apart from them all day. I suppose tbf he probably meant was I planning on going to the gym or anything but he asks me every day and I just feel weekends should be for the three of us.

That's fine that you want weekends to be doe the 3 of you.

I honestly think he was just asking to check if you had anything you wanted to do today.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 16:44

No, because it isn’t so much that I’m desperate to go to the zoo or whatever, it’s the fact that he’s assuming I arrange things during the week for DD and I which will not involve him. I accept that’s not what he meant maybe although I’m not as confident as the other posters … but that’s how it came across.

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toocold54 · 14/08/2021 16:53

I voted YABU as it could have just been a conversation starter type thing but from your updates it sounds like you think it’s more.

I don’t think you need to do things as a family all of the time. Maybe you could compromise and have certain days where he’s home alone and the next week he takes the DC out and you’re home alone and the next week you all do something together, like have a little routine and then he’ll stop asking you.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 16:55

But that would never happen. And seems a bit sad.

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ShinyMe · 14/08/2021 16:56

But how do you know he's assuming anything? Has he actually said that, or is it guesswork on your part? Neither of you are mindreaders - if you want to do something together, just suggest it!

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 17:00

I don’t really care whether we do something together or not but I do mind the fact a 9 month old is somehow now my sole responsibility to entertain outside of the home. It’s that that is so annoying. I suppose it’s just my life now though.

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Twizbe · 14/08/2021 17:07

@Babymeanswashing

I don’t really care whether we do something together or not but I do mind the fact a 9 month old is somehow now my sole responsibility to entertain outside of the home. It’s that that is so annoying. I suppose it’s just my life now though.

Is there some back story we're missing here? Did he actually say that or is that what you're assuming.

When my DH asks if I have any plans on the weekend he's really asking whether I want to do something that doesn't involve the kids. We then work out how to fit in what we both want to do.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 14/08/2021 17:10

Yeah and I hear that. It’s because he asks me every day so I’ve probably reacted badly to it because mostly it means ‘when are you two going out and leaving me in peace’

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ShinyMe · 14/08/2021 17:13

@Babymeanswashing

I don’t really care whether we do something together or not but I do mind the fact a 9 month old is somehow now my sole responsibility to entertain outside of the home. It’s that that is so annoying. I suppose it’s just my life now though.

Has he actually said that though? Or is that what you're interpreting from his question? Did he say anything else afterwards?