To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

Yep my mum is like this. Everything is too rich or too salty. She won't eat anything other than English (American is too greasy). Italian at a push might pass the test but she'd have the most plain spaghetti with tomato sauce and no cheese.

I wouldn't say it's embarrassing as much as I'd say I feel sorry for her! Surely food is one of life's pleasures?!

She's a lot slimmer than me though so I guess it has advantages for her

Just let them choose and go with it.

I describe myself as a food lover, lots of people would say I'm a foodie but I correct them as to me foodies are up their own arse about food, and food lovers just eat anything.

I love tasting menus, trying new foods, stinky cheese, sashimi, anchovies etc, but I also love a carvery, or a beige buffet or a cheap gammon and chips.

You can take me anywhere and inevitably I'll enjoy it for what it is.

My mil is like this.
We've treated her to afternoon tea over the years.
It's a waste of money. She sits there with a cats bums face and will have the blandest thing on the menu. Usually a crumpet (no jam)
Followed by a pious "I'll just have a glass of water thank you"
No food issues and eats cake, chocolate and biscuits at home washed down with tons of o.j. or tea.
But no , when out, this stoic martyr type behaviour comes to the fore.

My MIL claims to love eating out and often tells us about lovely meals she has had with friends. Yet whenever we take her out (even when we go to places she chooses or has enjoyed with friends) she complains that there is nothing she likes, eventually chooses something that 'might be OK' then basically dissects it to leave the bits she doesn't like. She only has a small appetite and refuses to order anything that is not specified as a 'light bite' or 'small portion'- even if we assure her it doesn't matter if she leaves a lot and/or that we will eat some of it. I can only assume that either there are different options on the menu when she goes out with friends mid-week or actually she does the same thing with them but despite appearances enjoys the experience.

Oh god, I get it. My Dad can be similar. He gets so aerated about prices and complains incredibly loudly. He refuses to order a steak in a restaurant because he can buy a steak in Tesco for £3 so he won’t pay restaurant prices.

I recently saw a national newspaper review for a pub near me that has been taken over by a good chef. I had a look and suggested we try it. He refused because he won’t pay £25 a head when the pub in (really shitty part of nearby city) does an all you can eat carvery for £8. I love him dearly but eating out is just an embarrassment that I avoid.

I can't understand why you would take them somewhere they don't want to go then moan that they don't like the food. If you want to take them for a meal the very least you should do is ask where they want to go otherwise the meal is for your enjoyment not theirs so why not just go without them?

I've not read the full thread yet, but just the first post sound like my parents. Dad will have nothing with flavour (apart from salt, salt, salt and English mustard, 'none of the French rubbish' ). The only veg he'll eat is garden peas, but he has essential tremor so then can't get them to his mouth!
Mum once deliberated for soooo long over a menu (Beefeater - mostly just meat and veg and chips) eventually chose a chicken ceasar salad. By the time she'd told the waiter of the stuff she then didn't want on it (no crouton, no sauce, etc ) she ended up looking at a rather disappointing plate of lettuce with 3 chicken strips.

I was brought up with these strange 'tastes' and never had cooked cheese, garlic, onions, uncremated steak, chilli, etc til I'd left home. It opened up a whole new world of flavour

My DP’s family are tricky. One DSis and her DH are vegetarians who don’t like vegetables - they only really like Mexican chains. His DDad only has plain food like white fish with no sauce and boiled potatoes. He would never eat things pasta or pizza for example. He sees a meal out as an ordeal and majorly panics if it’s somewhere he hasn’t been before. DP’s other DSis is very frugal and likes to use vouchers. One of his DN’s is allergic to nuts and his DMum can’t chew very well. And none of them drink apart from me and DP.

Bottoms up!

I think I would make something at home for them. Sound like a nightmare

yabu
try and be tolerant and i am sure you can meet halfway that doesnt involve mcdonalds

My MIL is like this, I don't get it but have never been embarrassed by it. We've travelled with her loads in the UK and never had a problem finding a nice pub to eat in. Now she's older, and clearly frail, pub staff are so lovely working out something to tempt her. It makes for a really nice atmosphere

That’s really not the same at all. Your not liking football doesn’t really impact on others does it? Fussy eating inevitably does though as it means planning an entire social occasion around one or two people’s weird attitude towards food.

Yes, not liking football can impact on others, if some people really wants to watch a football match on TV, and others insist that the TV be turned off or put on another station.

And surely social occasions should be planned to accommodate everyone's tastes as much as possible. I can see that it could create difficulties if one or two people are so fussy that they'll only eat figs and drink Perrier (I really did know someone like that!); but in your parents' situation, it sounds more like a difference in taste between you and them. Especially if you're doing the meal out as a treat or present for them, surely you should accept their tastes and go where they prefer (or, if you find that intolerable, choose another treat than a meal out) - and similarly they shouldn't 'treat' you on your birthday to a meal in a place which you hate.

One person's lovely food is another person's nightmare food. It sounds like you aren't be much less fussy tbh - just in different ways. I don't see it as embarrassing when people ask for the meal to be slightly (or even more than slightly) adapted to suit their needs or preferences.

Bloody hell, that sounds like hard work.

Maybe eating out isn't the best idea. Is it possible to find something else to do together that they won't moan about?

My exh is a pain with eating out.

On the rare occasions I have to eat out with him when go out to eat with our adult children he will only eat something like spaghetti with a plain tomato sauce but then insist on having half the parmesan block grated on top of it.

Other times he'll just have a starter and then finish off anything anyone else has left.

Drives me mad.

The limited, simple diet that people ate during the second world war meant that the population was the healthiest it's ever been.

Just saying.

I can't help to feel that you're creating some of the issue here by having your own dining preferences / prejudices. Just tell them to book their preferred restaurant like and then go with it and don't write it off before you've been there.
I'm vegetarian; my in-laws love the Toby Carvery but we go there with them and it's fine. It's not the kind of food I'd choose if I was booking but as it's a treat for them, then I'll go with it.

Brunning & Price pubs do a very good mix of dishes, including very basic dishes with no sauce etc but all good quality, and they're usually in nice buildings. I think it's a national chain, so perhaps worth looking up in your area.

You’re embarrassed because they have liked and dislikes different to yours? No wonder the world has gone to shit

Lol hear that OP, all that stuff happening in Afghanistan? Your fault

YABU... You sound annoying. Your parents are allowed to have food preferences that are different to yours.

@NeonJellyBaby

If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming. I’d rather go to McDonalds, at least the food is freshly cooked! But then DM is picky about what goes on her burger there as well..

You don't have to eat out with them all the time - so why not just go along with what they like ? There is no point in trying to change them, so just go along with it.

@HazelBite why can I not drink tap water? (skin rashes sore mouth)

Is that from fluoride? Do you have the same reaction from fluoride toothpaste?

It's hard if people won't try other dishes, but probably best to let them choose the venue and just go for it , then book up your own restaurant for yourself without them where you can eat what you want other time.

will they not eat steak and chips?

Most decent pubs have that on the menu.

I would just say to your m that you find her eating habits a pain in the arse so don't want to go out with her for lunch or dinner. There are plenty of other things that you can do that don't revolve around meal times. It might upset her a little but at least then she knows how you feel.

My own mother won't eat anywhere that doesn't do spicy food but then she doesn't foist her company on us if we are going somewhere she potentially won't like. If we were taking her somewhere for her birthday or as a treat I would be happy to cater to the food she likes but otherwise no.

@NeonJellyBaby

If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming. I’d rather go to McDonalds, at least the food is freshly cooked! But then DM is picky about what goes on her burger there as well..

I enjoy trying all different types of food and cuisines, sometimes really weird stuff like worm grubs, though of course have things I’d prefer not to eat like too rich food. I’m also Cordon Bleu trained and have run a catering business in the past.

I have no issue eating in one of those “grubby awful Marstons” or any other pub that does similar food. Perhaps find a pub that offers fresh cooked food, maybe a specials board along with their regular menu.

Hopefully you’ll be able to find somewhere that suits both of your tastes.