To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

MIL is a very fussy eater, but we love her so when we eat out with her we go somewhere we know she will enjoy. It's not like we eat out with her every week or two, it's probably around 10 times a year - I suppose if it was every week it might be a bit annoying though.

Could you do brunch?

Maybe forget about the food ? My DC have SEND. We are very limited in where we can go that feels 'safe' to them. These places are not high quality. But we go for a family meal. We make the best of what's on offer and we have a nice time. It doesn't drive me mad.. it is what it is ! I'm a bit confused about why its such an issue for you....

You have my sympathy. My mother is the same and it's a nightmare. She will go to places outside her field of blandness but only if she knows they have something utterly bland on the menu. Which should be fine, except it isn't as she sits there fake wretching and gurning at what everyone else is eating and going 'I don't know how you can eat that' while looking like someone's shoved a turd on a plate under her nose.

round my way, carveries are very popular with older people. You can choose your meat and selection of vegetables, gravy and sauces.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

That's an intolerance.

I am lactose intolerant and find the dairy products I can and can't eat amusing, so God only know how it looks to others.

Ice cream, some yoghurts, goat/ewe cheese and some sour cream.

But not cheddar or other British type cheese, butter can be an issue, milk, cream.

And ready made foods with dairy are really hit and miss, I'm not talking ready meals, I mean pies, pastries and such like. Croissants have recently become an absolute no!

I'd almost rather be coeliac, though DSis assures me I wouldn't really 😊

No you bloody wouldn't! Coeliac isn't even a little bit "amusing".

I would just eat where they feel comfortable and enjoy the food. What is the point dragging them to places that are no good for them? They would have to choose the restaurant though, to avoid any moaning.

Yes it is tedious, but as a vegetarian I have to be tolerant of people who voluntarily limit their diet.

@HirplesWithHaggis

I have a BiL like this, you have my sympathy. Maybe keep "meals out" to a nice cafe that does cream teas?

But the mum has a “dairy allergy” so no cream or butter on a scone. Or in a scone. Too much hassle. 😉

I get that some people are embarrassing to eat out with but it sounds more like you've got different tastes. You've said what they like so just go somewhere with good quality, traditional food that's reasonably priced. If you arent willing to do that then you are just doing what they are doing.

Tbh it winds me up to see people being picky and rejecting half a menu I’d love to eat but can’t because of my actual coeliac disease. However, that’s unreasonable of me.

I honestly think with people like this you need to stop thinking social meet ups need to involve food.

Suggest going to a national trust place for a walk round. (You can each bring a picnic)

Go to an art gallery together. Or a play. Or just for a drink. (Daytime to a cafe if she doesn't do bars etc)

Invite her along on a day trip with the kids.

You know meeting for a meal won't be fun for one side of the meet up, so why do you insist on sticking to that?

Another vote for just go for a pub meal.

You know what they like so why are you trying to impose your will over theirs? I wonder if they get as pissed off with you as you very obviously do with them.

@FatCatThinCat

You have my sympathy. My mother is the same and it's a nightmare. She will go to places outside her field of blandness but only if she knows they have something utterly bland on the menu. Which should be fine, except it isn't as she sits there fake wretching and gurning at what everyone else is eating and going 'I don't know how you can eat that' while looking like someone's shoved a turd on a plate under her nose.

In that case she needs to be told very firmly how rude her behaviour is. You should not have to put up with that from a child, let alone an adult.

I would not take my parents to a Frankie&Benny's/Nando's type eaterie. Mum doesn't do pasta or rice dishes but can always find something in a traditional pub. What about a local golf club bistro type place? DD works in one. Is rammed with families and has a varied menu to cater for all tastes.

Does it actually matter? When you go out with them go somewhere they chose and enjoy the day. Don't make it into a bigger thing than it is.

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances . Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

No. Stop being judgey about vegans. Many of us are vegan because we dont want to eat animals and/or we care about the planet and/or eating actual real food that's not adulterated past the point of nutritional value. Doesn't mean we're picky eaters. It means we want actual food.

My late mum was the same to a certain extent. My BIL loves Italian food so, on his birthday, we'd often go to the local Italian restaurant. Cue the 'what will mum eat' saga. Doesn't like too much cheese so pizza is out, nothing too spicy, not keen on Bolognese sauce, doesn't like some of the pastas (even though it's the same stuff, different shape)...

Then one year she said 'I've found something I really like that's Italian'. 'Oh, what's that mum? we say...

LASAGNE!

We never told her that it's basically Bolognese sauce on flat pasta with a cheese topping. Every time we went out to an Italian place she was thrilled to find lasagne on the menu!

It makes your heart sink when you know you're going to be having the same conversation about food.

Our DS doesn't like chocolate or ice cream so desserts in restaurants are hard work as I don't think many places have heard of fruit...but he's been brought up not to moan about it. It's not an allergy, it's a food preference so he'll have a starter and we'll get a dessert if we want one.

One of my absolute pet hates is fussy eaters. I just think it's the absolute height of first world privilege and something that makes me desperately uncomfortable when I think of all the people in the world who don't have the luxury of being able to turn their nose up at perfectly edible food. I completely sympathise with you, OP. I get that you want to spend time with your parents but if they're this bad, then I'd suggest only doing activities with them that don't involve eating. If they ask why, just tell them it's because their eating habits are utterly embarrassing. I think that's fair when you're making the effort to book nice places to take them to and they just complain about the food at every single one.

Interesting about the butter thing if she can eat ice cream. One place my Ps like for tea uses either unsalted butter or very nasty margarine on their toasted teacakes/scones, I've never worked out which, but to me, someone who can generally cheerfully eat anything, it tastes rancid. I'd give a lot to get some 'proper' butter on my food there. These days I just have tea or coffee when we go because I'm 'not hungry'. I don't moan about the food or annoy the kitchen.....

I went out with an 11 year old the other day and she was very picky about what she would eat and what she would not . And her mother re-inforced it by deliberating for ages over everything on the menu saying “ you won’t like that , don’t have that it’s got x on it , oh how terrible there is nothing you can eat .

She would not touch yogurts for example .she did not like them . Or melon . The list went on and on .

She is very much into athletics and I said to her I am surprised you don’t eat things like yogurts , high protein , good for you. Have you ever tried one ? The answer was no . Eventually I got her to try one . Guess what she loved it . 🤷‍♀️

Tbh I think she loved the attention and the fuss that revolved around every meal out. Especially when she sent her cheesy chips back because the cheese was not melted enough .

I don't see what's embarrassing about it.

I'd simply say to her, Well where do you want to go? It's always a bit of a nightmare going out for a meal with you because you're picky. You choose the place, but if you moan about it it will be the last time I bother.

My Dad refused all 'foreign' food until he went to stay with friends in NYC who are very enthusiastically broad minded about where they eat.

Sometimes they will have a first course in one restaurant, and them a main elsewhere for some different regional cooking, then a sweet somewhere else again.
It was either try it or go hungry, and he's too polite to grumble.
Came back with a real taste for pizza, amongst other things.

My late DM was exactly like this! And she had a tiny appetite as well. If she got over-faced by a plate of food, nothing would get eaten - can relate to the pp with the ‘five chips’ request. . She was once thrown into total confusion because welsh rarebit arrived with some mustard seasoning in it. Didn’t stop talking about what they had ‘done’ to cheese on toast for weeks. Bless her!

@Unsure33

I went out with an 11 year old the other day and she was very picky about what she would eat and what she would not . And her mother re-inforced it by deliberating for ages over everything on the menu saying “ you won’t like that , don’t have that it’s got x on it , oh how terrible there is nothing you can eat .

She would not touch yogurts for example .she did not like them . Or melon . The list went on and on .

She is very much into athletics and I said to her I am surprised you don’t eat things like yogurts , high protein , good for you. Have you ever tried one ? The answer was no . Eventually I got her to try one . Guess what she loved it . 🤷‍♀️

Tbh I think she loved the attention and the fuss that revolved around every meal out. Especially when she sent her cheesy chips back because the cheese was not melted enough .

I'm of the old-fashioned 'short of definite diagnosed allergies, kids should eat what is put in front of them' school. I would allow each kid one or two exceptions, as that's only reasonable. Much as my parents did. We were not forced to eat tripe, for example, when they did!