To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

brian, wish you were my son/daughter.

MIL has always annoyed and perplexed us by worrying about onions and garlic in food - now DH stomach has started to make the most awful noises after garlic so I suspect his digestion is going the same way now!

@NeonJellyBaby

If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming. I’d rather go to McDonalds, at least the food is freshly cooked! But then DM is picky about what goes on her burger there as well..

Some people can only afford to go there, you sound like a stuck up snob and quite frankly you sound like the embarrassing one. Your poor mother and father!

Just let your DPs choose. Honestly eating in a Marstons/Hungry Horse once a month won't kill you. I usually go for the roast chicken in these sort of places as it's hard to completely ruin it.

At least your DPs are going out. Poor DF has not been allowed out by DM since the start of covid as he's 87 with diabetes. He used to love going out for meals as well. I buy a takeaway for them from their favourite carvery when I visit- DF has the children's menu of sausages, chips and beans, but it's probably the only meal he gets to choose all month.

It may not be your choice of restaurants, but it seems a strange hill to die on when at least the food is cheap and presumably keeps them reasonably happy.

alexdgr8 happy to be your MN daughter

I'm lactose intolerant and have IBS.

Makes eating out difficult, no dairy, onions, garlic, caffeine. But I try my hardest to fit in with whatever people want to go and just eat around it without making a fuss.

I am finding with my elderly parents that they now only really seem to fancy fairly bland food, they love to eat out and my df loves it if we can all eat out together, now this is a man whose favourite restaurant was Rules, I honestly dont think he could cope with the richness of the food there now and my dm always asks for a childs portion of anything, so its local pubs all the way now, During lockdown I saw my DF in particular 'diminish', he missed as all so much, so we put up with it!

I don’t really see what the problem is, they prefer certain types of food, we all have our own likes and dislikes, it’s not against the law, that’s what makes us individuals.I don’t see the point in dragging them along to restaurants they don’t like, you’re just wasting money and causing yourself unnecessary stress.It sounds like they would enjoy a country pub, with home cooked food on the menu.I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities for you to go the restaurants you prefer with your friends etc.

Why do you still go out with them?

I am here to tell you, youngsters, that your ability to digest everything that's thrown on the table decreases as you age.

Is that so, @longwayoff? I hadn't thought of that. Would you mind saying how old you are? No-one seems to have told my 84 year old mother or 90 year old father (especially my father) both of whom hoover up everything offered and will cheerfully go for thirds.

Not everyone is the same though? T

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances . Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

It really is nothing like that. Being vegan is like needing food which is halal or kosher, not excessive pickiness. Indeed, most vegans will have eaten a side salad and chips at some point because it was all that was available.

Lucky them, tightwad, I should, of course, have put a 'may' in that sentence. I'm 70 and my digestion was not improved by taking assorted medication for years although it's during the last 10 years it's deteriorated noticeably. But not everyone will have this. I think, however, realisation may come to people slowly and, as with most food intolerances, it can be difficult to work out exactly what you're reacting to, especially in a complex meal you haven't cooked yourself. Good luck to your parents, ask them to eat a pudding for me

Just go to the pub that they want. Don't be embarrassed. Waiting staff are used to people asking a billion and one questions.
Honestly, I spent I don't know how many meals with inlaws back in the day. They all like plain English food.
Embrace the Toby Carvery. It'd only a meal.

@GoWalkabout

Does sound trying. In defence of your mum, I have one of those trendy allergies. I am better than I was but I have fairly random and confusing triggers and I don't want to bore you to death with my symptoms. But I can eat hard cheese, butter, ice cream, can't do yoghurt (though I love it) , soft cheese, cream, cheesecake etc. It makes very little sense even to me! I have loads more but I won't bore you Its a pseudo allergy, none of my symptoms are too serious but irritating enough to want a plain diet mostly and not bad enough that I don't have things I want sometimes and suffer the consequences. But should not limit other people. YANBU.

I would say an intolerance to dairy protein except for the ice cream being okay. Hard cheese and butter have a really small amount of dairy protein and tent to be eaten in very small amounts so it becomes a tiny amount. Yoghurt, milk and generally ice cream contain more and are consumed in larger quantities.

@costcocosmos

I have an elderly digestion and I too dread rich, spicy foods, al dente veg and all the things you prefer because I'll pay for it later with indigestion. A nice bland boring meal suits me better, or if I could choose, pretty much any activity other than eating out.

My sympathies lie with the people you are mocking.

Where does she mock them? All I see is someone venting frustration.

I would eat before I went and then just say "actually, I'm not very hungry, I'm just going to have a starter" and then pick something small like a bowl of soup.

Yabu.

Why did you organise your dad's birthday at a restaurant he wouldn't like?

My mum is very fussy so we don't eat out much together. Simple :)

Picnic 😂😂😂😂🤔

If you’re picky about food soup is the worse. Goodness only knows what’s gone in and how long it’s been in the freezer/fridge/pot for.
Grim.

I digress.

Look we were wrong about fats ( and scoffed at our parents cooking with butter)
Eating out wasn’t a national sport like it is now. Mine are shocked by the money peopke throw away in food. Their rules for eating aren’t weirder than ours and ours will seem weird in the future.

My DM will eat anything, except the meal she has ordered as mine looks better, always. I'm onto her though so I just swap with her. She loves that as it gives her the power to deny me the pleasure of the meal I want...which she hasn't as I'm expecting it!
Then she wants every bloody condiment that they haven't offered her already. That's just to show the staff who's boss. Groan.
Next there will be a problem with a piece of cutlery for sure, that needs exchanging.
Extra napkins please.
Only take her to one place now - Bettys in Harrogate - they can cope with her.
Doesn't want pudding, except I know she does and will promptly want and take mine so I order what I like, whizz a few spoonfuls down as I watch her sad puppy dog eyes and pass her my pudding as she says 'oh, don't you want it'.
It's a game, she believes she's won and it's like she's never done it before every time. Been going on for decades. My DD obviously had to deal with it before he died.
The best bit is I get to pay too.
But she's then happy as she thinks she's got one over on me.
Total narcissist.

There must be somewhere you can pick where you both would enjoy it.

Toby Carvery does meat plus vegetables. It isn't haute cuisine but I've been there and it was perfectly fine. The turkey was really nicely done.

I had a pizza at a Hungry Horse and that was nice enough.

Some things it's difficult to mess up.

If you love them and want to spend time with them just do that - pick the venue carefully and I'm sure there will be something on the menu you both can eat! I've had a look at Marston's and things like the scampi look like they might be OK?

If you are embarrassed because they are rude to the waiters and make petty demands YANBU. If you are embarrassed because their taste is different than yours and you find them unsophisticated then you are an insufferable snob and YABVU.

Just go to marstons or a brewers fayre if that’s what they enjoy go to nicer places without them.

My dad only ever orders fish and chips, If he is feeling adventurous he will go for pie of the day. My mother looses her mind at garlic and any cheese that isn’t mild cheddar. You are not alone op.