To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

@armanted The limited, simple diet that people ate during the second world war meant that the population was the healthiest it's ever been

But that was because of the limits on sugar and saturated fat for those used to richer food, the increase in vegetables, and the increase in nutrition in general for those who were previously on very long incomes. Not usually the simplicity.

Even better than the WWII rations would be a Mediterranean diet full of olive oil and plants and herbs and spices, or a Japanese diet with loads of fermented food and seafood, but can't imagine the in laws in question touching those.

*long incomes? Low incomes

There doesn't seem to be any point in going out with them if it's so fraught. Just let them choose the venue or don't go. Unless you are going out all the time it won't make any difference to you.

I don't eat dairy. The smell of yoghurt makes me heave. I'm not allergic to it I just don't like it. DH is vegetarian. DS1 has a limited selection food he likes (getting better as he gets older) and DS2 eats whatever is put in front of him. We always manage to find somewhere we can all eat together.

I prefer to be in a nice restaurant than a pub chain but If I wanted to go out with someone who preferred that or couldn't afford high end then I'd go and find so,etching I like.

I don't mind fussy eaters as long as they do it without dramatics. It is a rare thing though because mainly it's about attention. I'm fussy about somethings but you wouldn't know as I just get on with life and avoid them.

My ils are similar, the only good place to eat, in their opinion, is somewhere that serves massive portions of low quality food, we avoid eating out with them when possible and only go places they choose when we have to (to minimise the complaints)

My DF's partner is like this. When he comes to stay with us on his own he begs me to make him a really spicy chilli, and always insists on ordering a curry.

Just to stick to Wetherspoons type of places or don’t eat out with them.

You may have realised by now OP that selective looking dairy issues are definitely a thing. I've never had a diagnosis, and can't be arsed pursuing one, but I've known since childhood that most creamy or cheesy things will leave me absolutely violating the bog soon enough. So I just don't eat them. Ice cream is fine though! No idea why. I assume it isn't lactose intolerance, but it's something. So I've some sympathy with DM there.

You aren't obligated to go and eat the food she likes with her though. I'd do other stuff together instead.

How often are you eating out with them? Unless it’s a regular occurrence, just go where they want to go. It’s not a big deal.

If you really can’t get past it, then start looking for places you can all be happy. There are plenty of places that will serve them a simple meat and vegetable meal that will also satisfy your sensibilities. Instead you are pushing places that you know they will hate.

You know we will be like this when we’re old. Only wanting to eat hummus, seafood linguine, nice cheese and “real” food.

All the kids will have moved on to ethically sourced algae created in a lab. Wanting something grown and pulled out the ground will be the height of embarrassment “ demanding the Earth grow our food is what caused all the problems mum” they’ll say with eye rolls to each other.

We just take them to a local pub where we know they can get chicken , potatoes and veg or fish and chips.
The odd time it's for a family do and the restaurant is fancy I will ring ahead pre order a meal they'll eat explaining they are very traditional and old fashioned eaters. They have always been understanding.

Aren't lots of older people like this? My mum has a very limited diet, partly because of intolerance to several ingredients, but also partly due to just not liking very many foods. The only meat she will eat is chicken, but recently she has gone off chicken! I just accept it and eat where she wants to eat.

Just stop going out for meals with them, we have with PIL because it’s so bloody stressful! If they want to meet for a meal I take a picnic to their house for lunch- sandwiches, all quite plain but I take containers with tomatos and cucumber, so we can add them to our sandwiches. A few packets of crisp, apples and some kind of cake. It’s much more enjoyable than sitting in a restaurant or pub all tense.

Laughing out loud at people announcing an intolerance to an entire cuisine eg 'Thai/Chinese/Indian food is something I can not eat'.

The is total, total bullshit. What do Thai/Chinese/Indian people eat when they get older? Yep, food.Thai food isn't just pad Thai and Thai green curry FFS!!!

OP, I feel you, they would annoy the hell out of me-I'd just never ever eat out with them again.

@Killahangilion

Presumably, it’s only periodically that you have to having a boring meal out?

My DH won’t eat actual dinner type meals in a restaurant, other than a tea/coffee with cake in a cafe in the middle of the day. Even for my birthday I had to compromise by having an afternoon tea, although I’d have liked to go for an Indian or Mexican meal.

If I want a nice meal out I have to find a willing friend but with Covid, I haven’t been able to go anywhere for some time now as friends prefer to go out in their own family group.

My last meal out with friends was to a pub Christmas dinner type meal in early December 2019.

I’ve given up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's really quite sad. I would go out with you!

@theresapossuminthekitchen

Weird how the OP should apparently just stop moaning, ‘suck it up’ and just eat where they want to eat because she wants to spend time with them, but the same rules/manners/expectation doesn’t apply to her parents…

It's always like this, isn't it..

@BoaCunstrictor

You may have realised by now OP that selective looking dairy issues are definitely a thing. I've never had a diagnosis, and can't be arsed pursuing one, but I've known since childhood that most creamy or cheesy things will leave me absolutely violating the bog soon enough. So I just don't eat them. Ice cream is fine though! No idea why. I assume it isn't lactose intolerance, but it's something. So I've some sympathy with DM there.

You aren't obligated to go and eat the food she likes with her though. I'd do other stuff together instead.

It's probably just that you have it so seldom it has little effect. I'm the same, can't cook with cream or milk or cheese but can tolerate the odd ice cream or McD's milkshake.

It wouldn't occur to me to suggest a meal out to spend time with my Mum and Step Dad. We are polar opposites as far as that type of thing goes. They don't eat out for the experience, just to be fed, if you know what I mean.

They don't have great table manners (they're not pigs) but there's no real etiquette (don't use napkins, get up and down from the table, some other stuff I can't really describe) They sound like children don't they?

We had British relatives (young) visiting. They were planning to go out for dinner with our kids (young adults). We were making restaurant suggestions, including a list of different types of asian food as we are very spoiled for choice in Vancouver.

Also suggestions of Mexican and numerous others.

We had a good laugh when they asked why not a Canadian food restaurant.

We couldn't think of one!

Their father is very picky and when he visits I have to worry about banned ingredients. British proper food all the way.

Dh was educated early in our relationship. His first question when I cooked him bolognase was whether there was garlic in it. Yes there was and he ate it. Smart man. 35 years later he eats pretty much anything.

Maybe intothewoodss, I dunno really. Think some of it is age related too. I used to be able to have milk in coffee until I was about 20.

And I can have stuff that's been cooked with yoghurt too. I know with some people it's the cooking or processing that makes a difference, either good or bad. Maybe you don't do well with the cooked stuff in particular?

my mum is like this but it doesnt mean we take her to 'grubby' nasty places. She grew up with meat and two veg and she has ventured out of her comfort zone but I would never take her to a 'fancy' restaurant as she would feel uncomfortable and awkward. When she comes to me I take her to the local italian restaurant or pub. Which is in a lovely part of london...i dont get angry or frustrated and I know if their was a harvester style place she would be happy. I would book it if their was one.

@costcocosmos

I have an elderly digestion and I too dread rich, spicy foods, al dente veg and all the things you prefer because I'll pay for it later with indigestion. A nice bland boring meal suits me better, or if I could choose, pretty much any activity other than eating out.

My sympathies lie with the people you are mocking.

yes i feel a bit like this. if the eating out was for DF b'day, then he should have chosen the venue; not had something imposed that you regard as good quality or whatever. it is totally subjective. if you are taking people out for a treat, it needs to be a treat for them, not a battleground. they probably don't enjoy being criticised or looked down on, rolling eyes etc, labelled weird. what about a good carvery type place, choice of roasts and plenty vegetables. if you made a party for a 8 year old and friends you would supply jelly, ice cream, silly hats etc; and enjoy them enjoying it. you would not expect them to partake of cordon bleu. try thinking of it like that. it's a gift you give them, going with their choice, and just trying to be gracious. i think it's been mismatched expectations; because you took them somewhere fancy/expensive, you expected them to be grateful. but they couldn't eat that kind of food, so it didn't suit. you are obviously generous, just need to shift it from expense to putting aside your preferences to meet them on their familiar ground.

Toby Carvery, Wetherspoons, Morrison’s cafe. Might not be your first choice but how often are you actually eating out with them.

That would drive me insane. I’m a very fussy eater but if I’m out with other people I chose what I least hate on the menu and deal with it without comment.

My mother will complain endlessly about any meal no matter what it is and I avoid eating out with her. It’s so off putting having someone describe how terrible the food is while you’re trying to eat, you have my sympathies. If circumstances force me to eat out with my mother I just do not reply to her constant criticism (it is constant- sometimes I play count the insults and it’s always more than 100).

My favourtie uncle in the world only wanted to eat out where he could have steak pie and potatoes. I loved him and was happy to do what he wanted. My advice to you is your parents arent with you for ever. They are who they are and you need to embrace that and stop trying to force knew things on them and being judgy about their choices. When I moved away from where I grew up into busy london I wanted my mum to be up for the knew stuff I loved. She freaked and found it stressful so i scaled it back and cook for her or pop round to our locals. I love it, she doesnt and I dont want to have anyone especially my mum being anxious