Men having kids in their 20's

[cloudywater]

I'm asking purely because I'm curious and being a bit nosy but from your experience would you say in today's world is it not that common for men to have children when they are in their 20s. I'm asking because I've noticed a lot of footballers seem to have children when they are young. I'm just wondering from your social circles how common is it for men to have kids before the age of 30?

The average age of women having a baby last year was 30, and men was 33 (all babies, not just first babies).
So if lots of people are having babies in their 30s and 40s, there's going to be lots having babies in the 20s too.

I have a friend who married a footballer young( and they’re still married). They’re apparently encouraged to settle down young to calm them down a bit and stop them constantly being spread all over the tabloids and spending all their money too soon.
Obviously doesn’t work in all cases!

DH was 22, 26 & 27 when our 3 were born.
All our friends have already had children , we’re all around 30.

Far from being “bogans” we all own our own homes, some outright as have stayed in the same ones. We all worked good jobs from 18/19 and could afford to buy at age 20/21.

Unlike some we went to school with who went to uni then either moved back to their parents home or rented and are now at age 30 either buying or recently bought a starter home or can’t afford to buy at all.

I disagree with the working/middle class analogy. We were mid 30s but our dc who are in their 20s may well start earlier than we did because they have had significantly more stable lives and are financially privileged so can afford it. Wouldn't surprise me at all if they became patents in their 20s.

The middle class analogy made me laugh. I tend to find the “professionals” who wait until they’re in their 30s to have children do so because that’s the earliest they can afford to.

Uni debt, trying to find a decent job as a graduate, renting or house sharing, waiting to get on the property ladder, waiting until they can afford full time childcare etc

The first time I came across the word Bogan was watching Married at first sight Australia.
The Women referred to some of the men as Bogans and I had to Google it
For those of us who are old enough to remember I think Joe Mangel was supposed to be a Bogan. Liked a beer, work boots and sleeveless shirts, sexist etc.
My TV choices would also suggest that I'm probably a Bogan

People can’t win. Judged for being young parents or being criticised for being older parents 40+ years plus. I’m judged for not having kids. What does it matter. It’s no one else’s businesses. Everyone’s circumstances are different at different stages in their lives.

DH was 22, 26 & 27 when our 3 were born.
All our friends have already had children , we’re all around 30.Far from being “bogans” we all own our own homes, some outright as have stayed in the same ones. We all worked good jobs from 18/19 and could afford to buy at age 20/21

@ComeonJulia I think this is more of a north-south divide than anything.

How on earth could you buy with only 2 years' work experience?
Where do you live?

I know that in the north it's possible to buy a small house for £50K.

In the south east, a couple need a combined income of around £100K to afford the smallest 2-bed flat. Given the median salary is around £29K, each or one of them needs to earn double that or more.

Very rare in my circle, none of my friends (male or female) had kids until they were in their 30s, mostly late 30s.

@GoWalkabout

Its common for army guys.

It is. My stepson was 28 when his eldest was born and 30 for the second.

It’s probably less common than it was, I’m not sure that’s a good thing. To me between 25 and 30 seems like the ideal age to be starting a family 🤷‍♀️

This trend of not even trying for a baby until 35 plus confuses me. Why would you set out to be an older parent. I get sometimes that’s just how life pans out, but to actively make that choice…….

What's really surprising is how some people posting live in areas where houses are dirt cheap.

That has more of an impact on parenthood than anything.

I think there is a huge amount of ignorance over the high house prices south of Watford!

50% of the population now go to uni.
Many have a debt of £30K or more.
They need to spend a good 10 years working to save a deposit and earn enough to buy even a small house.

My DH was 27 and 29 with our two and I I was 37 and 39. From this thread that makes me the posh one 😬

I know lots of people who had children in their 20’s. I even know some people in their mid-40’s who are grandparents. Nearly all are in professional jobs and juggled education, work and parenthood along the way. Some could perhaps be described as ‘bogans’ some not…the word is not unfamiliar to me and honestly, I’m not even sure it fits the theme of this thread!

@JinglingHellsBells

What's really surprising is how some people posting live in areas where houses are dirt cheap.

That has more of an impact on parenthood than anything.

I think there is a huge amount of ignorance over the high house prices south of Watford!

50% of the population now go to uni.
Many have a debt of £30K or more.
They need to spend a good 10 years working to save a deposit and earn enough to buy even a small house.

Definitely.

@Indiana2021

The first time I came across the word Bogan was watching Married at first sight Australia. The Women referred to some of the men as Bogans and I had to Google it For those of us who are old enough to remember I think Joe Mangel was supposed to be a Bogan. Liked a beer, work boots and sleeveless shirts, sexist etc. My TV choices would also suggest that I'm probably a Bogan

Bogan is commonly used in Australia - I love the word ! It tells you everything you need to know about the person . Relaxed, unrefined, unsophisticated .

I’m struggling to think of any men in our circle who had kids in 30s let alone 20s. The pattern was they would spend their 30’s with a woman (often married), then when in late 30’s and the woman demanded kids at that point and give ultimatums the men would leave. Then in early 40’s the men would meet a 20 something who was giddy over the mans success, status, wealth (due to hard graft in 20’s/30’s to be fair) and they would have kids at that point. It was a firm pattern.

Pretty common in my circle. We are a military family - people within this community tend to marry and have a family young. I was 19 and DH was 24 when we got married. We had our first child within a year, swiftly followed by DC2 (16 months later) and DC3 (2.5yrs after DC2).
Most of our friends and DH’s colleagues all had kids in their 20’s too.
But looking at all my friends from civvie street, it’s definitely not the norm at all.

@DrManhattan

In the 1970s / 80s I would say it was usual but now I don't. I think most 20 year olds don't have the money and or inclination.

This

@JinglingHellsBells saving £1500 a month between 2 people for 2 years is £36,000 which is a 10% deposit on a house at £360,000.
Ours and our friends first homes were all under £250,000.

Planned children I would say is less common but still quite a few so as for it not to be uncommon. Unplanned children, they they might or might not actually parent, more common.

We did it my DH was mid 20s.
We went to uni, have office careers and have continued climbing to corporate ladder since DC.
Perhaps crucially for us we were gifted a house deposit so owned (with a mortage) a 3 bed house and had a decent amount of equity. If we hadn't been then we may not have had children when we did. For us owning before having children was important.

We are the first in our circle and I think a large part of that is because we had a house deposit gifted. Many wanted children when we did but were trying to save and rent at the same time.

Most of my friends and family started having children mid 20s. I was 25 when I had my first. I ever wanted to be an old mum.

I was nearly 27 my (now exh) not yet 25 so yes quite young but we did get married too young (hindsight).
We split when I was pregnant and apart from a few glitches early on, he has always stepped up and been a great, hands on dad. At 39, he has a 14 year old, a 4 year old and one on the way. Reasonably common for my social circle.

@Imapotato

It’s probably less common than it was, I’m not sure that’s a good thing. To me between 25 and 30 seems like the ideal age to be starting a family 🤷‍♀️

This trend of not even trying for a baby until 35 plus confuses me. Why would you set out to be an older parent. I get sometimes that’s just how life pans out, but to actively make that choice…….

I can’t speak for everyone but it’s not difficult to see why surely? Some people at 25 might have only just come out of education (if they did a masters/PhD/medicine/architecture etc) and not have a job yet or their own home. Finances play a big part - I personally don’t know anyone who at 25 was settled and financially stable enough to have a kid. This is in my circle of people who moved to London to pursue careers. There are plenty of things people might want to do before becoming parents like travelling, establishing their career, moving around living in different places or even abroad, and want to do this unencumbered by kids. Some people might not even want kids til their mid 30s - I know a couple of women who were convinced they never wanted them until they were about 35. Some people don’t meet a serious partner til their 30s - I know a few women single in their 30s who would like kids but haven’t met anyone, or those they do meet, it doesn’t progress into a relationship.

On the flip side, I can see how someone who perhaps didn’t go to uni and went into a job straight from school and progressed in that, lives in a more affordable area, and is still dating someone they got together with in school, would feel stable enough to have a child younger. Surely it’s not hard to imagine different people’s circumstances.