Sorry this is long and sounds very petty, but it's more indicative of a bigger picture and related to my relationship with my parents, which I struggle with. Happy to be told AIBU but please be kind 😬 as my anxiety is making this all very upsetting.
For several years I've enjoyed nosying around car boots and charity shops for bargains, and sometimes make a bit of spending money doing this. My parents started doing the same thing a few years ago and do regular car boots. These now take up most weekends and when they visit they want to spend all day in charity shops. They are very grabby and competitive. I don't resent this but it means it usually trumps anything else and it's getting wearing.
On a recent visit we'd been in a shop about an hour. It was lunch, I was worried about the dog, dad was bored. He asked me to get mum. She was looking at something, asked me about it, and I said I didn't really like it although to be fair I didn't really look properly. I then asked if we could go as both dad and I were waiting. She ended up not buying it but bought other things.
Mum had googled stuff on her phone and told me to go back to the shop to buy some (horrendous) tea pots. A couple of days later I popped in, couldn't find the teapots (secretly relieved) but saw the thing mum was looking at, had another look and googled it. It turned out to be worth a fair bit of money, so I bought it.
I told them about it and after mum found out what it was worth she was upset and quiet. Dad then said I had been horrible to mum and called me a bully, and that I made mum not buy it in the shop. He is really angry and has said I must give half the money to mum. This is despite him wanting to leave and asking me to get mum. Mum is her own entity and could have googled it, but in their heads I am now mean for buying it and turning a profit. If I had bought the teapot that would have been fine, but this item is apparently not fine. If someone else had bought clearly they wouldn't think badly of that person and would have just been irritated it 'got away'. But I have been horrible to them.
I think what's really going on is mum is upset with herself for not buying it and is taking it out on me, and mum can do no wrong in dad's eyes and he is backing mum up in his own way. They are NEVER wrong.
It's nearly 2 months rent (they know I am struggling for money). I told mum I'd give her some and she said 'i should think so too'. No thanks, no happiness, just an entitled response. I was initially intending on giving mum some, but as a surprise. Now I feel very resentful for being forced to. Dad called me a bully really upset me and ironically I now feel bullied.
Sorry this is long. It's not really about the money I suppose, but about my relationship with my parents. I'm 35 and feel like a child.
I would LOVE to stick up to them and I have told dad he is wrong for what he said, but he completely disagrees. They are now not talking to me about it but I expect this will change once I give mum the money.
AIBU for either keeping all of the money or just bloody giving it to charity to spite them, even though I need it? I feel like the damage is done on both sides, right or wrong, but is there a way of turning this around?
I can see mum's view and she thinks that I wouldn't have bought it if I hadn't seen her looking at it. I don't know if that's true or not. It's dad's behaviour I'm really upset with.
For those who think I should give the money to charity regardless, this is not an uncommon thing (watch Antiques roadshow!) So would appreciate not being told that I'm stealing from charity - I bought it, not stole it!