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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to use her ticket

150 replies

Ticketchancer · 13/08/2021 16:40

Name change for this:

My friend and I booked an activity to take our children to back in the spring. (I booked the tickets and she sent me the money for her and her DC). The place doesn’t offer refunds but you can move your tickets to other days if needed- since originally booked it’s been moved (by me calling) twice:
First because she didn’t want to go in bad weather (didn’t bother me especially)
Second because her child wasn’t well

We are due to go tomorrow but she informed me last wk her DCs best friend is having a bday and so she can’t come. She offered to call and move the tickets (we haven’t agreed a date) but hasn’t yet (she has the info)- I really cannot be bothered to reschedule yet again, and at this point I think she’s resigned to losing the tickets as hasn’t been in contact.
Would I be unreasonable to use her ticket for my husband so we go as a family?

OP posts:

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 13/08/2021 22:03

I wouldn't offer to reimburse her. The ticket is lost anyway

Lovelybottom · 13/08/2021 22:14

I think your friend is obnoxious OP. You made plans together and she messed you around repeatedly. Presumably your DH wasn't mad keen to go or he would have booked in the first place with you. So he's essentially stepping in to keep you company. Your friend didn't even have the manners to tell you she had not bothered to reschedule. And now she's accepting payment! Ugh.

I would reevaluate this friendship if this is typical behaviour from her.

balernobetty · 13/08/2021 22:16

"Why should I send the money back"
Because you're using a ticket she's paid for.

uktrippin · 13/08/2021 22:20

So she's messed you about three times and is now taking £17 or something from you for a ticket she'd written off anyway?

Wow, don't book anything with her again!

Notaroadrunner · 13/08/2021 22:23

I assume it's only the adult ticket you're paying her for? Don't bother organising paid activities with her again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2021 22:26

Had she asked you well in advance if your dh wanted the ticket, that would be different. But I do agree with you that she’s petty unless desperate for the money. To cancel again for a child’s birthday party is really flaky.

DysmalRadius · 13/08/2021 22:28

I get it - you were supposed to go together and have a fun day out and she:

ditched you for a 'better offer'
said she would rearrange but didn't bother
basically trapped you into either going alone (presumably not really what you had planned) or wasting your ticket too
accepted payment for a ticket that she was only going to waste anyway

It sounds like that's money well spent on finding out that friendship with her wasn't worth it.

Original poster

Ticketchancer · 13/08/2021 22:36

@DysmalRadius

I get it - you were supposed to go together and have a fun day out and she:

ditched you for a 'better offer'
said she would rearrange but didn't bother
basically trapped you into either going alone (presumably not really what you had planned) or wasting your ticket too
accepted payment for a ticket that she was only going to waste anyway

It sounds like that's money well spent on finding out that friendship with her wasn't worth it.

Perfectly summarised thank u

OP posts:

Derbee · 13/08/2021 22:48

You did the right thing, OP. She’s an arse for accepting the offer of the money. I’d say the friendship is over. But at least you’ve kept yourself in the right throughout the whole thing. Have fun tomorrow

Lemons1571 · 13/08/2021 23:13

@Ticketchancer I’m with you. Why would you pay full price when your DH is essentially stepping in so you don’t have to go alone. He hasn’t chosen to go to this event, and it’s so last minute.

I’m obviously on a different planet to most posters on this thread. If I agreed to go to a ticketed event with a friend and we bought two tickets, and then I couldn’t go for whatever reason, I would feel bad for bailing on her and forcing her to rope someone else in so she could still go. I certainly wouldn’t expect the person who agreed to step in at short notice to pay me. They are doing me and my friend a favour!

VeganCheesePlease · 14/08/2021 00:03

I get why you're annoyed, because you're promising your kids a day out and then she keeps re-arranging last minute.
I would personally transfer her the money to cover your DH's ticket and then go on ahead and enjoy your day.

NoSquirrels · 14/08/2021 04:07

Well, no need to be in a massive hurry to transfer her the money, eh?

Have a lovely day out with your family!

Saoirse82 · 14/08/2021 04:08

There are some right tight arses on here! So OP you weren't even planning to give her the money for her ticket?
It's not your ticket!! Whether she'd lose out on money or not its not yours to just take unless she offers it to you. Some people are just so miserly, they'd risk a friendship for a few measly quid.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 14/08/2021 04:15

I would offer to reimburse her, but OP's friend deserves to lose the money really after mucking her about so much.

Original poster

Ticketchancer · 14/08/2021 06:14

@Saoirse82

There are some right tight arses on here! So OP you weren't even planning to give her the money for her ticket?

It's not your ticket!! Whether she'd lose out on money or not its not yours to just take unless she offers it to you. Some people are just so miserly, they'd risk a friendship for a few measly quid.

I mean the “tight ass” accusation could be used both ways no, against me and my friend

OP posts:

Marmitemarinaded · 14/08/2021 07:36

My relationship with close friends?

We would literally be falling over each other to mean the other isn’t out of pocket or inconvenienced

So either a close friend of mine or me in this scenario….
If we were the friend we would be apologising profusely for change of plans and offering it for free to husband

If we were the op we would say that preference to go with friend, but if no convenient date - we would suggest that perhaps husband take place and if friend agreed (which we would!) then transfer money back to friend within minutes

That is a close good friendship

This? This is not what I see as a genuine friendship

illuyankas · 14/08/2021 07:48

No, because when you started this thread, you didn't know her intentions, but you have already made up your mind, obvious from your username. You just wanted people to tell you use her ticket, but just didn't go as you expected, so you offered to pay, and she accepted.

What was her plan anyway? Did she forget, or just didn't want to go and willing to waste the ticket?

Lemons1571 · 14/08/2021 08:15

@Marmitemarinaded

My relationship with close friends?

We would literally be falling over each other to mean the other isn’t out of pocket or inconvenienced

So either a close friend of mine or me in this scenario….
If we were the friend we would be apologising profusely for change of plans and offering it for free to husband

That is a close good friendship

This? This is not what I see as a genuine friendship

So the husband, who may not particularly want to go and is being roped in, has to pay full price?? Surely that is also unfair.

Would the answer be different if it was a higher spend item, eg a holiday? If two friends spend £1,000 each on a twin room in a luxury resort, and friend 1 drops out and can’t even be arsed rearranging, it leaves friend 2 right up the spout doesn’t it? Should friend 2’s husband, who doesn’t even want to go to this destination, be roped in and have the full price of £1,000 demanded from him?

I think that’s madness. Friend 1 has fucked it up for friend 2. Friend 1 needs to write off the cost of her ticket, and be glad that friend 2 can still go somehow.

Marmitemarinaded · 14/08/2021 08:43

The amounts involved - I’d suck it up for a friend
No doubt. Either if was OP or friend
And i know my Friends would do the same

Your analogy isn’t relevant as using many multiples of the amount involved here, which puts a completely different slant on it

Marmitemarinaded · 14/08/2021 08:44

And analogies are odd in cases like this

Why do we need an analogy.

The Op is asking about her situation

Not a theoretical one involving a completely different scenario and many many multiples of the figures involved!

Jerseygirl12 · 14/08/2021 08:49

I’d sent a text, saying it looks like the tickets haven’t been changed so you are still going to go as your DC is looking forward to going and the weather is good.
Is there a reason you don’t want to go without your Friend or DH OP?

Original poster

Ticketchancer · 14/08/2021 08:49

@illuyankas

What was her plan anyway? Did she forget, or just didn't want to go and willing to waste the ticket?

Well the thread made me see that yes it’s her ticket and I had to offer to pay- so my request for advice helped me and I paid for it I think she wanted me to rearrange it as before and so never got round to it herself, I think she was happy to lose the ticket but saw a chance to recoup some money when I offered

OP posts:

Original poster

Ticketchancer · 14/08/2021 08:50

@Jerseygirl12

I’d sent a text, saying it looks like the tickets haven’t been changed so you are still going to go as your DC is looking forward to going and the weather is good. Is there a reason you don’t want to go without your Friend or DH OP?

I didn’t want to go alone because I’ve been alone on this activity before and it’s slightly boring and stressful alone. I wouldn’t have booked this activity again had she not suggested it

OP posts:

dannygoat · 14/08/2021 09:49

Your friend is an arse OP, I hope you have a lovely family day out instead though!

StripyHorse · 14/08/2021 11:14

@Ponoka7

She wanted to reschedule, so it was up to her to rebook it. Text her after the lines have closed asking her what alternative date she booked. Then go if she didn't.

I like this idea. If the friend hasn't taken responsibility of course OP is reasonable

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