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Original poster

So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

501 replies

Beautifulbutterfly22 · 12/08/2021 16:14

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements Sad

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 15/08/2021 16:34

I would absolutely put your foot down, OP, and say no to all of it. Take back the offer of one day. You don't want to do it and it will only lead to more problems. And if your DH volunteers you for any more days, make sure he's the one who has to go back to them and explain he got it wrong.

purpletrains · 15/08/2021 16:42

No way. Id never ask this of my parents

Can you offer 1 day per week? That way you have your time with the child? They can gwt a nursery for the other 3

flumposie · 15/08/2021 16:48

Absolutely outrageous. You look after their child during the day and then work in the evening and weekend. Suggest they do that instead of using you for childcare.

purpletrains · 15/08/2021 16:49

How about her important and high flying mother helps them pay for childcare?

Or how about one of them gets a job at wekeends or 6-10 so they can look after their own kid!

It makes no sense to me. Nursery is expensive, but if they both work full time, they can afford 3 days a week or one of them becomes a stay at home parent. Do they have a massive mortgage? Do they live beyond their means?

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 16:50

@purpletrains

No way. Id never ask this of my parents

Can you offer 1 day per week? That way you have your time with the child? They can gwt a nursery for the other 3

OP offered 1 day.. is was declined as selfish and not enough 😳

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 16:51

and they claim not to be able to afford nursery 🤔

dottydodah · 15/08/2021 16:56

This is preposturous! They sound like a right pair of CF to me.Please do not cave in to these demands . In any case if DIL hates it when LO has a good time with you, it wont be a very good arrangement will it?

AhNowTed · 15/08/2021 16:56

I'd be retracting the 1 day offer.

The OP will just become a dumping ground.

They have zero respect, and such entitlement they'll just use and abuse any inch given and take a mile.

Blossomtoes · 15/08/2021 16:59

I’ve just read this thread with my jaw on the floor, especially your latest update @Beautifulbutterfly22.

How dare they? Are they working on the principle of wearing the old ones out first? Please don’t give in to this absolute cheeky fuckery. What a piece of work your dil is.

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 17:00

I am also concerned that the husband will go round and make it worse by sympathising with them and then say he will try and talk you round.

He was suggesting op did more than one a day a few days ago, without him actually doing any.

I genuinely don't believe he will go round and bollocking them both.

roundtable · 15/08/2021 17:17

Outrageous op. In a bizarre sort of way - the more cheeky their demands are, the more it will help you stay strong. Flowers Hurtful behaviour.

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 17:17

@Hekatestorch

I am also concerned that the husband will go round and make it worse by sympathising with them and then say he will try and talk you round.

He was suggesting op did more than one a day a few days ago, without him actually doing any.

I genuinely don't believe he will go round and bollocking them both.

Yip...

I'd hope not..

waterwaterwine · 15/08/2021 17:29

I'm so sorry OP this sounds awful. Please don't give in. You could suggest they pay you for your time.

All parents have to source childcare and I don't want to be the person to say it but if you can't afford to pay childcare either they need to rearrange their working hours or quit. It is not down to you.

mcmooberry · 15/08/2021 17:33

This is beyond belief they are absolute takers of the first order to expect this! It wouldn't matter how much you do for them they would want more. Glad you have said no and meant it, one day a week would be enough.

Undisclosedlocation · 15/08/2021 17:36

I’d be telling my OH before he goes round that any childcare he is stupid enough to agree to will be 100% his responsibility. He sounds a completely spineless fool so far in all this.

And as for your son and his nasty, selfish bitch of a partner….. there are no words adequate to convey my distaste for the pair of them, quite frankly.

Time for a rocket to be placed up the arse of all 3 of them.

Glittertwins · 15/08/2021 17:39

Now you know where you stand. Please don't give up your life, your job and your enjoyment got the entitled little madam.

frazzledasarock · 15/08/2021 17:39

Well they clearly won’t keep your grandchild from you as they’re desperate for unpaid childcare so they’ll be around palming their child off on you anyway despite their threats.

Let them get on with it. They sound utterly horrible.

Fadingout · 15/08/2021 17:43

They both sound very selfish. You chose to have a child you need to look after them.

MoveHouse · 15/08/2021 17:47

Unbelievable response yet totally believable too. Two things:

  1. your DH is not responsible for negotiating / soothing over anything. I’d insist he does not go to see them. As others have said, he’ll “negotiate” and it will not be in your best interests

  2. you need to call / text both your other children and explain what has happened, facts only, and state you are upset, disappointed and cross at the reaction of their brother. Peer pressure here will help you. Involved the others, do not battle this on your own.

Well done for standing your ground! Wine

SofaSpuds · 15/08/2021 17:47

I'm so sorry to read your update @Beautifulbutterfly22, what a pair! They should be ashamed of themselves.

Feedingthebirds1 · 15/08/2021 17:50

I am concerned that with your DH going round on his own he will come back and announce that he's 'negotiated' them down to two days a week and present this to you as if you're meant to be grateful for it.

I hope he doesn't, but if he does tell him he's the one doing the looking after. Even if one of the days he's said 'you' plural will do it is your day off.

tribpot · 15/08/2021 17:54

Even if one of the days he's said 'you' plural will do it is your day off.
Actually OP says she works full time. I think she was offering to drop a day at work to help out - and it was still thrown back in her face.

Brown76 · 15/08/2021 17:59

Be very careful OP about this one day a week. I’d suggest trialing it until Christmas. A term at a time. My parents very kindly offered to take DC one day each (they are divorced). Although we get on well and I was very grateful I found myself taking it for granted eventually and resenting it when they took weeks off in term time to go on holiday. In the end I made arrangements for full time nursery and they admitted that they found it really tiring. In your case it sounds like it will be really hard to end the arrangement or vary it.

Travis1 · 15/08/2021 18:01

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Good afternoon..I had a talk with my son and daughter-in-law about the childcare situation and it went down like a lead balloon!! Apparently 1 day a week looking after grandson isn't good enough! Daughter-in-law suggested I could start working nights (6-10) and maybe a weekend day at the store I work in instead of my normal 9-5 hours Hmm yes she really said that! I laughed as I thought it was a joke and they were pulling my leg..but no! she was very serious! She then took grandson to her mothers. Son said nothing much but looked very embarrassed! I told him they were taking the pi$$! Then left. Her mother can't watch grandson at all as she has an important job!...I am speechless! No texts/phone calls from the pair of them since! Husband is going round later to see son as he was also upset at the cheek of it all. I feel so used by the pair if them!
Absolutely fucking bat shit. Tell them to bolt in no uncertain terms. I’d be doing no childcare for them with their absolute entitlement.
QueeniesCroft · 15/08/2021 18:02

My mother actually gave up her FT job to look after my nephew. She desperately wanted to help out my sister, when her baby was born in very unfortunate circumstances (much drama!). She didn't ask for money, but I think she expected gratitude. She was disappointed.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, OP. I hope it helps to know that by standing up to them, you are not the one who is damaging your relationship. This would have happened anyway, once you were mentally and physically exhausted and had nothing left to give them.

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