So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

[Beautifulbutterfly22]

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements

Op really I would withdraw the one day a week offer. What an utter cheek. I would have been beyond grateful if my parents or ILs could have even done that.

@Beautifulbutterfly22

You do not exist merely to convenience your DIL and your Son.

I cannot understand why they feel so entitled to demand you give up your job and become a free child care provider for them...

its literally mind boggling that they believe this is a reasonable request. Its your grandson who suffers in the long run.. with no contact with you both..

I hope your DH tells your Son how badly let down you both are at your treatment.

It really is disgusting and Im heart sorry for you too ..

Treat yourself to something nice .. a wee cake or your favourite tv show ..

You sound like the loveliest person and I hope your family support you at the horrible time.. 🌸🌺

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Good afternoon..I had a talk with my son and daughter-in-law about the childcare situation and it went down like a lead balloon!! Apparently 1 day a week looking after grandson isn't good enough! Daughter-in-law suggested I could start working nights (6-10) and maybe a weekend day at the store I work in instead of my normal 9-5 hours yes she really said that! I laughed as I thought it was a joke and they were pulling my leg..but no! she was very serious! She then took grandson to her mothers. Son said nothing much but looked very embarrassed! I told him they were taking the pi$$! Then left. Her mother can't watch grandson at all as she has an important job!...I am speechless! No texts/phone calls from the pair of them since! Husband is going round later to see son as he was also upset at the cheek of it all. I feel so used by the pair if them!

Well done for standing your ground. It is a shame they cannot see their behaviour is selfish, unreasonable and mean! Some people really do lack self awareness.

You've summed it up well in the feeling of being used. Unfortunately.

I hope they show some remorse when your husband goes round and can at least see if from your perspective.

Her mother's important job can help them pay for childcare.

How have they got themselves in a position where they can't afford for one not to work and not be also not be able to afford childcare.

Surely, they would get help through TC or UC? Or if they earn that much they can't, where is all the money going, because they must earn well. Did they not look at these sorts of things before they had a child?

You're feeling used because you have been. Your son should be ashamed to let you be treated this way, tbh.

My god she’s an entitled wee cunt isn’t she?! And your son sounds as much use as a soggy lettuce.

Time to tear a strip off the pair of them, take back your offer of one day a week, and tell them that you are not rearranging your life, your working hours, and your contact with other family just because they are too lazy and entitled to look after the child that they chose to have, and why the fuck would they expect you to!

As you can tell I’m fuming on your behalf, you sound lovely, please don’t let the CFs take advantage of you

Wow the audacity of your dil. Your son is a bit of a dweeb too.

Imagine asking you to change hours, why doesn’t your son or dil change their hours to work round the childcare.

Many families have done this.

I’m glad you stood your ground they are being ridiculous!

Wow how cheeky.

You've told them you can do one day, which is a massive help (even if DIL doesn't see it that way!). It's not your problem that they don't have childcare for the rest of the days. Perhaps your Daughter in Law or son will have to go part time.

I can't believe they think this is your issue to sort out. So rude of them.

Well now you know what you reared.

A son who thinks this mother should look after his children all day and then work on into the evening and at the weekends.

You feel used?

I would be utterly mortified to think that I had spent the best part of 20 years rearing a son who would think so little of his 63 year old mother.

It is rare on here that you would read something so distasteful.

Be sure to tell your other children.

Clearly they could really care less about you and your health.

If you have an ounce of sense and self respect you will step very far back and allow them to rear that child without you in any way involved.

And as for your husband, he should look very hard at himself and the model of a man that he was to a son to have such little respect for his wife and his son's mother.

Absolutely appalling.

I feel very sorry for you.
You must be so embarrassed and upset to be spoken to like that.

OP, I would withdraw my offer of one day a week & not do anything for them now. They are so entitled.
They will never be happy & it will never be enough.
What will happen if they have more children?
Instead of appreciating all the things you do for them, they will just focus on what you aren’t doing for them.
They will also presumably still want you to do sleepovers, take to swimming etc.

Adding my voice to the chorus. Your DIL and son want to abuse kindness, and your kindness looks like the easiest target. Re-iterating it, you are not free to have a family unless you accept that the early years may involve hard work and sacrifices. These start at home.

OP, this is an awful situation for you to be in, but your DIL's behaviour towards you is disgraceful. How selfish to expect you to rearrange all your work and your life in order to facilitate her working.

They should be grateful for your 1 day a week which will save them 1 days fees, and try and resolve the rest.

I suspect that she feels unable to rail at her own mother and demand that she take time off, so you are getting the brunt of it. Your DS needs to question why she feels it is ok to treat you like this, especially when her own mother cannot do anything.

Well done on standing up for yourself. This really is their problem to solve and should have been discussed before having a child, especially with the people they were hoping would help them out.

They should be grateful of the 1 day, some people don't even have that.

They are being completely unreasonable. If DIL's DM's job is so important presumably she earns a salary to match and could therefore help out financially in a way that she can't with her time. I'm not in anyway condoning DS & DIL's demands just trying to balance the scales on the demands they are making on you vs DIL's parents.

I am concerned that with your DH going round on his own he will come back and announce that he's 'negotiated' them down to two days a week and present this to you as if you're meant to be grateful for it. I hope he is going round to put a rocket up his son's arse, but given his previous form on this matter I am not confident. And it would be better not to give them any further attention or ammunition on this matter, he's bound to say something they can twist and use against you in future.

Clearly the 1 day a week is now off the table. As @2pinkginsplease says, if anyone should be switching their hours to nights or weekends, it's them.

Sorry you have been so let down by your DS and SIL. But now it's time to back off and let them sort this out for themselves.

OP; I am completely lost for words! I just can't understand why anyone would ask you to give up your job, do nights or work unsocial hours, so they can have free childcare. The sheer audacity of it is breathtaking. I know you love your grandchildren, but you are NOT a slave. Please stand firm, you are entitled to enjoy your life. In a few short years you might well be retired, and I hope you are able to then do all the things you want to do, BUT not free childcare every day. You deserve more.

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Good afternoon..I had a talk with my son and daughter-in-law about the childcare situation and it went down like a lead balloon!! Apparently 1 day a week looking after grandson isn't good enough! Daughter-in-law suggested I could start working nights (6-10) and maybe a weekend day at the store I work in instead of my normal 9-5 hours yes she really said that! I laughed as I thought it was a joke and they were pulling my leg..but no! she was very serious! She then took grandson to her mothers. Son said nothing much but looked very embarrassed! I told him they were taking the pi$$! Then left. Her mother can't watch grandson at all as she has an important job!...I am speechless! No texts/phone calls from the pair of them since! Husband is going round later to see son as he was also upset at the cheek of it all. I feel so used by the pair if them!

That's appalling OP, but just what I expected to see. The sense of entitlement your DIL has is astounding, but your DS must be agreeing to it. I'd leave them to it now, don't bother contacting them - they clearly have no regard or respect for you. I'm so sorry they are treating you like this.

Wow I am angry on your behalf OP. Glad you stood your ground but don't offer a thing now.

I am concerned that with your DH going round on his own he will come back and announce that he's 'negotiated' them down to two days a week and present this to you as if you're meant to be grateful for it.

this crossed my mind also.. Your DH seemed nonchalant about your being bullied and manipulated .. even adding to your difficult situ by suggesting you compromise/cave to their demands ...

I hope your Husband truly has your back 🌸

YANBU before this weekend but imagine anyone asking someone to do shift work to look after their child at their inconvenience. Just awful.

Well I've heard some entitled utter users on here, but this tops the lot.

The fucking brass neck of them.

It really sounds like you have more than your fair share of caring responsibilites as it is OP.

When do YOU get some time off?

I just can’t believe the nerve of them! Wow!

They are expecting you to completely change your work pattern to accommodate them! Who do they think they are!

Awful the way they’ve treated you, please stick to your guns! You’re being used and they’re trying to make you feel like shit, don’t give in and make sure your DH doesn’t either! He wouldn’t be the one looking after DGS!

Don’t let them guilt trip you anymore!

No THEY are being selfish with such bratty demands

Tell them no

Yikes, I wouldn't help these people out at all. There is such a gap between your values and attitudes. Even the one day a week would end in tears.

I am a grandparent carer and have had two grandsons since birth. It is okay at 40 but now I am 59 and it is hard work and they are far from babies op. I also have two other gs's (same mum) but have been hands off with regard to childcare as I feel taken advantage of. I find the more I do for her the more she disrespects me.

Your DIL sounds like she is treating you like some servant, whilst elevating her own dm. You sound a lovely caring grandparent and believe me, you have done the right thing. How dare she dictate that you should give up a job you love. Your DH also sounds like mine, it is very frustrating as I often feel by myself when he effectively opts out.

But my dd2 had a baby girl last year. She was a huge support to us with the boys and although I am a bit childcare resistant now, I am going to have her one day a week, and her MIL another day.

I had her a full day yesterday and DH helped out but swerves nappies and feeds. I feel happy about my decision but I have told dd2 that she has to remember that people do get ill (as you get older) and need breaks. For that reason she has booked nursery 2 days as well.

You sound kind and caring and your DIL does not respect your kindness. What a horrible DIL you have - MIL's take a beating on here sometimes. Do stick to your guns. It would have ended in disaster any way.

If they have financial difficulties, why can't her mother with the high flying bank job help out financially if she cannot assist with childcare? If she is so great, why does it all fall to you?

I hope matters work out for you op. You deserve better than this. Your son I am afraid to say, sounds a little bit like your DH who has left you in the firing line. Glad he has decided to step up and speak to your son.