Housemate who secretly recorded us has been made a lecturer at UK university

[Smurfsarethefuture]

I cannot be unreasonable here. I wrote on here about two yrs ago about my housemate who hid a camera in our kitchen. He is now a lecturer at a London uni.

The police were not interested neither was landlady- I didn’t contact university and am now wondering should I?

I would have been like OPs original housemates & unbothered about original recording. Not sure what OP wants to achieve now. Will she object forever if the fellow gets into any job that has a safeguarding element to it?

OP: "A man I lived with crossed a personal boundary, filmed us without consent and bow he's in a position of power with young people"

MN: "Stop trying to ruin his life you should be arrested"

@CarlaH

How are others able to read the earlier thread. I get an oops not found message.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3672606-Housemate-set-camera-up-in-house-without-our-knowledge?pg=4

Does this link work for you? Works on my phone?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP: "A man I lived with crossed a personal boundary, filmed us without consent and bow he's in a position of power with young people"

MN: "Stop trying to ruin his life you should be arrested"

Have you actually READ what happened? It's on the other thread, which is pretty short and totally unrecognisable from the picture OP is trying to portray here

Honestly Im uncomfortable with the notion that stupid actions should follow you forever. I dont agree with what he did and think it was stupid but not sinister, having said that I have a real problem with people threating to tell peoples employers about their totally unrelated poor behaviour years later.
Who among us hasn't behaved poorly or stupidly at some point in our lives and would we want our employer written to with our past deeds like a old report card. It seems so incredibly spiteful to be me.
He will no doubt tell his employers ( assuming that they just dont bin) it that you're a bonkers paranoid roommate he lived with once and that will be the end of it.

I’m sorry, he filmed you while in the kitchen? Hmm I’m not sure. I think coupled with some of the other stuff you’ve said (wouldn’t pay the license, doesn’t clean up) it could come across that you just disliked him and you are using this as a sort of way to get back at him.

If I lived with a horrible roommate who refused to do any cleaning and wouldn’t pay relevant bills I wouldn’t stay ‘because he should be the one to move out.’ I’d leave and tell the landlord why, and explain he will lose more paying tenants if the house is dirty and people aren’t doing their share.

To sum up, I don’t think you can get someone sacked for filming you in the kitchen and being generally unpleasant.

Afraid not Flowers. Maybe it's my computer.

Don’t really get this. Read your posts on the previous thread and still don’t get it. He set a camera up in the kitchen, why is that an issue? Were any of you naked or having sex in the kitchen? He must have had a reason to do this but I don’t think I could get worked up about it because nobody does anything remotely interesting in the kitchen. Did he think people were stealing his food or something? If he’d set one up in the bathroom or your bedroom then I’d get it but the kitchen? Nah.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP: "A man I lived with crossed a personal boundary, filmed us without consent and bow he's in a position of power with young people"

MN: "Stop trying to ruin his life you should be arrested"

I think you're projecting now. This is VERY different to what happened to you.

I’ve read your previous post and at no point do you raise any safeguarding concerns, so it is odd that 2 years later you are suddenly concerned.

Maybe have a think about why this bothers you so much, but ruining his career is a petty move, especially if there was no ill intent on his side.

@CarlaH

Afraid not Flowers. Maybe it's my computer.

Delete the "pg=4" at the end of the link - that worked for me.

@Hemingwaycat

Don’t really get this. Read your posts on the previous thread and still don’t get it. He set a camera up in the kitchen, why is that an issue? Were any of you naked or having sex in the kitchen? He must have had a reason to do this but I don’t think I could get worked up about it because nobody does anything remotely interesting in the kitchen. Did he think people were stealing his food or something? If he’d set one up in the bathroom or your bedroom then I’d get it but the kitchen? Nah.

His reason was study-connected. A computer science thing looking at motion sensitive cameras.

Yes he should have got consent but didn't. Had the OP gone to his PhD supervisor at the time. I'm assuming they would have brought that up with him and talked again about ethics.

But OP is being deliberately vague about whether she actually did go to the Uni at the time or not. Or whether she went to the police and formally reported it, or not.

Being a shitty housemate is not a crime, and just as well as we've all come across a shitty housemate and probably most of us have done things our housemate objected to.

But really OP, you need to LET IT GO.

Thanks Hirples that has worked.

To put a post on AIBU and kick off with "I cannot be unreasonable here." is borderline psychotic to begin with, not to mention asking MNHQ to "look into this thread or take it down".

What's surprising is that despite the overwhelming opposition in the comments, 49% of people that voted apparently do think OP is not being unreasonable and ought to contact the university now. Madness!

@bongsuhan

"It’s completely different to the OP. You really think a man who distributed covert videos of his teenage girlfriend having sex should be teaching in a secondary school? If he’s done it shortly after when it rightly became a crime he would be on some kind of register with a criminal record! You’d honestly be fine with this ‘man’ teaching your teenagers? That’s worrying."

It happened 12 years ago. Probably before the children he's teaching were even born. I have no idea how you make a connection between his - and I completely agree that that it was hideous and should be penalised - behaviour and his teaching activities.

I am fully aware that the people teaching my children have likely done vile things at some point in their life (as we probably all have somewhere) but unless it is very specifically to do with teaching children I don't really think it is any of my business.

I imagine people have done "vile things" like laughing at a cruel joke, but making a sex video of your girlfriend and distributing it to your mates is on another level - and a crime now. I don't think most people teaching your children would have done this level of "vile thing" in their lives, or at least I bloody hope not.

Stop being an apologist for sex offenders.

@oldwhyno

To put a post on AIBU and kick off with "I cannot be unreasonable here." is borderline psychotic to begin with, not to mention asking MNHQ to "look into this thread or take it down".

What's surprising is that despite the overwhelming opposition in the comments, 49% of people that voted apparently do think OP is not being unreasonable and ought to contact the university now. Madness!

Quite a lot of people also think the police are (or should be) a Stasi like organisation which - in the absence of any clearly defined criminal offence - collects and preserves information about personal grudges and poor manners, to be used later to block people from employment

Maybe OP grew up in East Germany or China

Really weird behaviour, I always felt quite vulnerable when I've been in houseshares with people that aren't friends, if I'd have found out someone was recording a communal area I'd feel really weird about it. Even for a project he should have asked, presumably the outcome wasn't affected by what was actually recorded so it would have made no odds to him letting you know.

That said, I'm not sure why it'd be necessary to tell his employer now, although hopefully he teaches his students about ethics.

Well you went to the police and they didn't think a crime was committed.
And now you want to cause malice and ruin his career? Because he had a camera in the shared kitchen space?
You also sound jealous he's got a good job. So up until now you didn't bother going to his former employer or landlady to raise anything.

Op the more information that unfolds the more this looks like it was innocent and you knew this, and it was resolved. It does look like you want to make a malicious report.

What is the issue here? Do you hold a grudge, dislike him, did he knock you back, bad break up? What? Are you envious of his success?

Very clearly something is driving you and it’s not safeguarding.

You don’t need to explain here and irs highly unlikely you will but it’s no ok to make malicious reports to people’s employees, no.

I would tell the university. The twat should be shamed.

@Bluntness100

Op the more information that unfolds the more this looks like it was innocent and you knew this, and it was resolved. It does look like you want to make a malicious report.

What is the issue here? Do you hold a grudge, dislike him, did he knock you back, bad break up? What? Are you envious of his success?

Very clearly something is driving you and it’s not safeguarding.

You don’t need to explain here and irs highly unlikely you will but it’s no ok to make malicious reports to people’s employees, no.

Eh? How was it innocent and how did OP know this?

@phishy

I would tell the university. The twat should be shamed.

Have you read the other thread?

@Flowers500

If you're going to be purposefully unhelpful, obtuse and evasive then you can't expect others to give you the benefit of the doubt. And as others have uncovered from your previous posts, you are intentionally not representing the situation correctly.

This

Why do you just never answer simple questions that would clarify things?

When you discovered the camera, what did he say when you or your housemates asked him about it? What reason did he give? I assume at some point when you found it one of you said to him “Bob is this your camera?” How come it’s in the kitchen?”

You finally (sort of) explain in the other thread that he’s doing some sort of tech/robotics/engineering research project where when the camera senses movement or noise, it causes something like the plants to be watered or a switch to be turned on. Hardly sinister and creepy behaviour.

He should have asked you all before setting up the project but the worst he’s been is annoying - hardly a pervert or a serial killer worth having his career ruined. Why are you giving so much headspace to this? What reason did he give you when you spoke to him that makes you think he was being sinister and this was traumatic?

This whole thread is bizzare

He was a shitty housemate. As anyone who has been to uni will tell you, at least 10-20% of the population fall into this category then go on to be completely normal, boring employees.

My experiences put it more at 50% 😳

@Smurfsarethefuture

Thank you *@PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd*

I’m not wrong then that there are protocols to follow for this kind of thing.

But that doesn't mean he is a danger to his students now - can you see that?