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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to look into pressing charges.

115 replies

jellypopmummy · 11/08/2021 23:43

My DD11 goes to a youth club which has some kids with asn. Tonight at the end of summer trip one of the older kids Boy, 14 (I think) was pestering her and her friends, being a bit abusive My daughter got up to move away and he pushed her down and pulled at her legs while she was on the floor. She managed to get up and he continued to try and get her legs to knock her back down and her friends got between to let her get a bit of distance. He kept coming eventually putting her in a choke hold, punching her neck and face, getting her down and kicking her full force in the back. Eventually she with her friends help got to the youth group leaders and he was separated from the group and parents called to collect him.

Her friends mum dropped her off but was unaware of all this happening until my daughter and her friend told us what happened. I immediately messaged the leader asking what had happened etc. She phoned me and explained what they were aware of. Turns out as she was upset my DD didn't explain the full incident so they only knew of 1 punch and a kick not the beating on the floor etc. I said it seemed like a pretty serious assault, my DD has a bruise on her cheek, scrapes on her knee and shoulders and her back is sore and that my DH and I were considering contacting the police as while I understood the boy had ASN it was a really violent incident and I couldn't just excuse it. The group are going to contact his parents to advise of the full issue.

My DD has a session tomorrow (different group so the boy won't be there) and has been asked to give details of the stuff they were unaware of for the incident report. My DH and I have decided to look at martial art classes to build her confidence (she pushed him off her and tried to defend herself) but WIBU to take it further with the police.

OP posts:
PoppyDotx · 11/08/2021 23:45

Definitely not unreasonable, I appreciate the boy has needs but this is unacceptable and is serious assault.

Personally I would contact the police and let them take it from there.

What does DD think?

Also like the idea of training DD to protect herself, for confidence and well protection.

Hope DD is feeling okay.

JaffaRaf · 11/08/2021 23:46

I don’t no why you wouldn’t, your child has been assaulted. Also the police arnt evil, the other kid won’t be thrown in prison, it may help them realise their actions have consequences.

romdowa · 11/08/2021 23:47

Ywnbu, I'm sorry that he has additional needs but he launched a prolonged physical attack against a far younger child. The authorities need to be alerted.

MichelleScarn · 11/08/2021 23:48

Absolutely police, no one regardless of whatever backstop can assault another with impunity.

MichelleScarn · 11/08/2021 23:49

Backstop? Back story!

faithfulbird20 · 11/08/2021 23:50

I'd report it. You'll regret it later especially when he attacks someone else's child and they could end up dead.

Oceanbliss · 11/08/2021 23:51

Are you going to take your dd to the doctor to find out the extent of her injuries?

faithfulbird20 · 11/08/2021 23:51

Just to add to my post your post has made me be grateful I've not sent my dd4 to the summer holiday club at school which would have had kids upto the age of 11. Trust ur instincts.

aerosocks · 11/08/2021 23:52

I agree that you need to take it very seriously and tell the police about this assault. Because that's what it was. I also think that the youth group leaders were negligent and partly to blame for the incident. This adolescent has additional needs and should have been under supervision, and he wasn't. I would also suggest that he be banned from the group unless he has constant 1-1 supervision from now on.

Bopahula · 11/08/2021 23:53

I'd be definitely ringing the police for that one. It was a prolonged assault. Please do so. It's horrific what has happened. If someone had done that to you at a class you'd absolutely ring the police.
I'd also be wanting assurances that he wouldn't be back again at the sessions too.

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 11/08/2021 23:54

Speak to the police. I don't give my kids carte blanche to get away with things neurotypical kids wouldn't, because they are autistic with other sen going on.

Likewise I don't expect to be let off if I've been a cunt to my partner or snapped at the kids, on account of my autism or depression etc - I'm still accountable.

This lad needs to learn he is accountable and he won't learn that if people refrain from saying anything because he has sen.

Speak to the police. It'll also show your daughter you believe what she tells you.

nonotmenotI · 11/08/2021 23:59

I would report.

Queenoftheashes · 12/08/2021 00:06

Yes definitely - he beat her up!

Queenoftheashes · 12/08/2021 00:07

Yes report not yes yabu

StoneofDestiny · 12/08/2021 00:12

Yes definitely. Take pictures of her injuries.

ComDummings · 12/08/2021 00:15

I would not hesitate to report this, your poor DD. I hope she is OK.

LtDansleg · 12/08/2021 00:18

Their response is pathetic. I’d consider it a serious assault even without the extra information. If someone punched and kicked you at work would you not phone the police?

Sometimeswinning · 12/08/2021 00:18

Why wouldn't you? What stops you and makes you post on mn first??

sst1234 · 12/08/2021 00:21

What are you waiting for? Your child just suffered a serious assault, not only should you report it. You should push for a prosecution.

AlexandraQueen · 12/08/2021 00:24

Its not your job to consider her attackers needs or reasoning. 100% report.

I have a child with ASD. She has hurt people before at school. She still has to face consequences, although the consequences might be executed differently than with a NT, there are still consequences.

Boredmotherofone · 12/08/2021 00:45

Yep, definitely report. I'm so sorry your daughter went through this.

It might be a good time to call in the middle of the night actually, they'll be less busy and can arrange an appointment for a visit tomorrow, hopefully. ThanksGin

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 00:51

FFS REPORT THIS NOW !!!

I hope your daughter is okay.. photograph all her injuries and make sure she remembers everything he did ...

good luck 🌸

jeaux90 · 12/08/2021 01:03

Report it to the police and don't let anyone fob you off with the boys will be boys crap.

He attacked and assaulted her.

Amima · 12/08/2021 01:14

You need to call the police and get a restraining order against the attacker. The youth club is at fault because they’ve accepted someone with additional needs without doing a risk assessment or ensuring appropriate supervision is in place to prevent violent behaviour. So I would be getting a solicitor on the case too because this negligence has resulted in your child being injured. I would not expect to see the attacker return to the youth club again, and he won’t be able to if you get a restraining order.

Serendipity79 · 12/08/2021 01:14

I would absolutely report it. And the people in charge of the group should be doing the same as their safeguarding rules should ensure any assault is reported. Telling the parents isn't sufficient.

A 14 year old kicking and hitting another person is assault. Whatever issues they have can be taken into account when looking at punishment.